I'm sorry you have to go through this! It's been years since I've been out. But one of the turning pts for me was seeing the absolute callousness of people (my own mum the most). I remember when a 8 year old witness boy was dying of leukemia in our cong, my sister, who was close friends with the mother of the dying boy was very, very upset (she's had and HAS human feeling, which often conflicts with her JW training). They boy was scared. My mother was upset about that because she felt all the medical staff should see how "courageous" he was in his faith. Whenever a death of a JW occurred, esp the death of a young person, she always hinted about how they did something wrong and somehow brought it on themselves. We got into many arguments, where I actually called her on her callousness and putting the religion ahead of humanity, and her utter lack of respect for the person who had died, as well as their family....that's when I first started to stand up to her and openly challenge the JWs.
I know it's shocking to come face to face with some of the JW's utter lack of human feeling. I know there are some good JW people out there, but IMO the bulk of them have to submerge their humanness to the org. After all they believe everyone who's not a JW in good standing will be destroyed during the big A, their carcasses strewn across the earth, birds pecking out there eyes. And the JWs who survive will have the great "blessing" of cleaning up the mess and "serving Jehovah" by being an unthinking cog in the great JW machine. THINK about it! Totally twisted, wrong.
They have to appear to be good neighbors, appear to be fine, upstanding, caring citizens. Otherwise no one would want to join. It's only those who've been deeply entenched in the org who can see their devestating behavior and utter hypocracy.
Please continue to find the support you need!! You never will find it with the JWs.