This morning I went to a meeting at our church. Someone commented that we should consider a Hispanic outreach, and a lady I know, Verdelle, said, "Do you know which group is evangelising the Hispanics like crazy around here?" No one answered, so she told us: "The Jehovah?s Witnesses." The meeting went on, but I decided to talk with Verdelle after the meeting to understand how she had come across this information.
Later, I approached her. And she told that her mother had converted to be a witness when she (not Verdelle) was an adult. Verdelle?s parents had divorced and she wasn?t raised by her mother, so she was not subjected to going to the KH. Her mother did send her all sorts of litter-achure, however. Verdelle joined the church where I now attend when she was in her 30?s, and sometime after that told her mother to stop sending info. Her mother stopped taking initiative to have contact with Verdelle anymore after that.
I told Verdelle about my past year, about discovering that what appeared to be a fender-bender on the side of the road in life actually was a serious accident, with most of the victims bleeding hidden in a ditch: I?m aware that there are people that have been walking around looking normal, but they?re desparate inside, thanks to this cult. I told her about my neighbor, and how she has become my friend thru odd circumstances, and not thru a Bible study or other normal JW/non-JW sanctioned contact. I told her how frustrated I was about the predicament of folks here on the board, whose spouses have been conditioned to interpret all outside information, by default, as lies, and therefore are prevented from thinking clearly. I told her how wonderful it would be if there were a network of special "householders" who could, thru friendship and thru meetings with JWs, gently give information which, coming from an apostate, would be rejected. (Shotgun, I wish I knew such a reference for you in Vancouver...) It felt good to talk to someone in person about things I have been feeling, instead of just on this board.
We had an interesting discussion. I started to say good-bye and turned to go, but, I noticed that Verdelle seemed somewhat unhappy and upset; she had been putting things away and I had perceived her attitude as business-like, but by now she was somewhat terse. Then she said, "You know, I don?t want to really talk about this stuff very much... This group has ruined my mother?s life by making her psychotic in her last days, as she became anxious about her being unable to fulfill her obligation. After she became too old and disabled to do much, after all those years of service, no one came around to give her any aid or help, or any of their time. She became obsessed and anxious because she wasn't doing enough. She died psychotic. It was absolutely awful. I don?t even want to think about the WT anymore."
I just stood there and stared at her... and then slowly shook my head. "The pain..." I said finally.
She just nodded her head.
I?d never known this about Verdelle before?and she was a nurse who had worked with my husband for several years. It was hard to look at her. Her mother had died years ago, and Verdelle was still suffering as collateral damage of the WTS.
I said at last, "A year ago, if you had told me this, I would have probably told you, ?Oh man, I?m really sorry to hear that-- that is just awful,? and not guess at the depth... But today...! ... Today! I really, really am sorry to hear all of this, Verdelle. I am really, so really sorry Verdelle...."
Again, I moved to leave but then she suddenly walked over to me with a red face. I was confused?I had inadvertently caused her to become upset--was she now angry?? But she grabbed me and hugged me hard and choked out "Thank you, thank you so much." She hugged me again. Then she walked a couple steps, turned and waved, and she smiled thru a couple tears. She looked embarassed.
I must be very stupid, because it still took me a moment to grasp what she was trying to say.
Until she hugged me, I hadn?t realize that not only had she been suffering because of the WT?s work on her mother, but because she also experienced isolation in her suffering, though unintentional. On the surface, it is hard to understand how deep a toll an simple organization can affect someone who was never even a member. It takes time for non-JWs to understand all the implications and the severe toll the WT has, not only on the JWs themselves, but even on the families who deal with a JW member.
It is because the WT is very efficient in destruction of families. They even wound deeply the non-JW members. And I had no idea that such were in my church. I never thought to ask about this.
Well anyway... I had just attended a very energetic and enjoyable meeting at church--brainstorming and debating, joking and planning. But I have been sobered with that talk with Verdelle.
I am thinking hard about what can be done...
bebu