Should Ex's Care For Believing Parents?

Englishman

So when my dear old Mum, who is well into her 80's, is no longer able to care for herself, what then?

Well, I guess we could build a granny-annexe and take care of her. Trouble is, I'm disfellowshipped, so I wonder how the local elders would react to that one.

Same with my kid brother, he's an outcast too.

Hmm. Well, the Jah-Jireh nursing homes that are there exclusively for ageing JW's could look after her. There's a bit of a pecking order as to who is accepted I'm told. There has to be certain minimum requirements of past service apparently, she is exceptionally well qualified to be accepted though.

But supposing she was to reside at a witness run home for the elderly, would they place restrictions on who could visit her?

Would kid bro and myself be persona non grata?

This whole business could get quite messy.

Englishman.

xjw_b12

What?? They have retirement ~~hopes~~ homes for jws. I've never heard of such a thing?

Scully

xjw_b12: have a look at this thread - Nursing Homes Exclusively For JW's.

Good question, e-man. I think it's utterly appalling that the WTS can encourage JW parents to treat their non-JW or ex-JW children like pond-scum, and encourage these elderly folks to bequeath their homes and estates to the WTS instead of their non-JW or ex-JW children, but then turn around and tell these lovely old folks that if they require assistance, they should go to their families (including their non-JW or ex-JW children) before expecting any assistance from the Christian Congregation?.

I'm sure there are many posters here who are facing this issue now, or will be facing it in the future.

If I were paying (even partially) for my parent(s) to be cared for at a facility exclusively for JWs, I would both expect and demand to be welcomed there. If they could not find a way to do that, then they would have to get the Christian Congregation? to pay their fees.

Love, Scully

blondie

Technically, the WTS has said yes, DF'd/DA'd children could and should take care of their JW parents. What other choice do they have? As if the congregation would take care of them. I have seen congregations scrupulously avoid doing anything non-JW children should do for their aging JW parents. I have seen them call the non-JW children to see what they intend to do to help their parents. The congregation will help older ones fill out the forms for any welfare they qualify for. I knew of one case where the local government paid for nursing care. So the congregation saw to it that a sister was hired to provide this care. No point in the money going to a worldly person or doing it for nothing when it could support a pioneer in the ministry.

Mulan

Mike, we care for my elderly (91) JW mother. When she first moved in with us, two years ago, some in the local congregation were upset about it and shunned her and gossiped furiously. It got so bad that I called NY for a "judgment call" we could use for her. The elder I talked to said he was appalled that anyone would be questioning this, and that we were doing the right thing, and that "even if you were disfellowshipped, it is right, Biblically, for children to care for their aging parent's". He also wrote a letter to the local congregation to that effect. It ended the gossip but some still wouldn't visit her.

If they wanted to come into the house through the front door, we were open to that, and told them so, when we talked to them. Some of the older ones did that, but most used her private entrance so they didn't have to deal with us. I actually preferred that. Now she is in an assisted living place so it isn't an issue, but for the almost two years she was here, we had a pretty amicable relationship with the elders at least. They are cautious around us, not knowing how to treat us, which is hilarious.

You will do the right thing, if the time comes.

Lady Lee

If I'm paying the bill I expect to be treated respectfully. Otherwise she goes somewhere else that they won't get to her.

rocketman

Scully: "Good question, e-man. I think it's utterly appalling that the WTS can encourage JW parents to treat their non-JW or ex-JW children like pond-scum, and encourage these elderly folks to bequeath their homes and estates to the WTS instead of their non-JW or ex-JW children, but then turn around and tell these lovely old folks that if they require assistance, they should go to their families (including their non-JW or ex-JW children) before expecting any assistance from the Christian Congregation?". - well put. That sums it up very nicely. They want it both ways.

Blondie: "I have seen congregations scrupulously avoid doing anything non-JW children should do for their aging JW parents. I have seen them call the non-JW children to see what they intend to do to help their parents. The congregation will help older ones fill out the forms for any welfare they qualify for". - when I was an elder, if there was an older person in need of assistance the first thing we did was expect the family, non-jws inlcuded, to care for them so that the congregation would not have to do much of anything to assist.

Mulan: "we care for my elderly (91) JW mother. When she first moved in with us, two years ago, some in the local congregation were upset about it and shunned her and gossiped furiously. It got so bad that I called NY for a "judgment call" we could use for her. The elder I talked to said he was appalled that anyone would be questioning this, and that we were doing the right thing, and that "even if you were disfellowshipped, it is right, Biblically, for children to care for their aging parent's". He also wrote a letter to the local congregation to that effect. It ended the gossip but some still wouldn't visit her". - I remember this experience well, as I'm sure many jwd members do too. Just goes to show how cold jws can be.

acsot

Right now I'm caring for my mother, in my home. Of course I'm technically still in "good standing" (but probably going downhill fast the more I tell off every elder that calls here). There are a few dubs who have helped me out and who I encourage to visit and come by whenever they can. Mum feels good about their visits.

I've told the P.O. and other elders that they are to call first before dropping by. I won't have them in my home, they've been of no help and only make mum feel guilty.

I intend to keep control of her visitors and callers. She doesn't need extra stress and the hypocritical, back-stabbing higher-ups of dubdom. The kind-hearted ones of the rank and file, I have no problem with.

Elsewhere

The aid I will offer my family is directly proportional to how much they stop shunning me.

I always find it very interesting how JWs will betray their little god if it means they will get something...

Will allow a DFed or DAed family member to help them with a family issue
Will join the UN to gain credibility
Will do business with a DFed or DAed person
Will drop doctrines in given countries in order to receive official recognition and subsequent funding (Corporal Punishment and Blood Issue)

Teela

Yes they should but it should be on own terms. For example JW's welcome to visit, but any crap to me and they are out. Mother welcome to read bible and mags, no witnessing to me. My mothers in a home for the elderly and as NO jw's come to see her and I just walk out if she starts talking crap. She has learnt the hard way. Anyway the visitors she has are all worldy and as I have pointed out have been better, loyal friends than any of the JW's

So yes help your parents but have rules.

Should Ex's Care For Believing Parents?

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