by AngelofEventide 27 Replies latest social relationships
Angel,
You may want to check out this web site www.freedomofmind.com. It's a site about mind controling groups and will help you understand what goes on in the mind of a cult member or a controling group such as the Jehovah's Witnesses. The owner, Steven Hassan, is a former cult member and a licensed mental health counselor who counsels those leaving cults and those with loved ones in cults.
Devon
Angel, welcome. I haven't posted in a while, because I am trying to move on with my life and "wean" myself from this board, but your post caught my attention and I felt the need to respond. I began a relationship with a JW who had been disfellowshipped during the split-up of his first marriage. He had also lost his job and was going through a very rough time emotionally. We married, and he was the man of my dreams until about this same time (Memorial time) last year. Within a period of only a few short months, he started going back to meetings, got reinstated, and turned into a monster that I didn't even know. The elders and his JW family got to him - - they convinced him that to atone for his sin of leaving the org and marrying a "worldly" woman, he would need to be the most zealous Witness to regain Jehovah's favor. He used the same tactics as your boyfriend .... nasty words, hateful comments, anything to drive me away. You see, his leaving me would not have been condoned, so he wanted me to do the dirty work for him. Eventually, when he realized I wasn't going to leave him, he convinced the elders that I was a "spiritual endangerment" to him so he would be able to leave me and stay in good standing in the congregation.
It's difficult to put the whole experience in a few words, and I can't begin to explain the emotional anguish I have been through in the past year. This cult stole my husband from me and I hate them for it. Somehow, though, I can't hate him for what happened. I know he is an adult and responsible for his actions, but he was put in the position of choosing between me and the only way of life he had ever known (he was raised a JW from the age of 2.) I didn't force him to choose - - his family and congregation did.
Please PM me if you want to talk. I know exactly what you're going through. God bless you.
Worldlygirl
I was always raised that when two people love each other, no matter what the differences, that their love should be enough.
JWs have quite a different view on relationships (or marriage). Jehovah God (in other words, the Watchtower Society) always comes first in their lives. They are taught that Jehovah's Organization is the most important thing in their lives, and must always come first.
We had planned on spending the rest of our lives together, having a family of our own, etc.
I'm almost guessing this was pushed by him. JWs are only supposed to date when they're looking for a marriage mate. They're also not allowed to have sex until they're married.
It almost sounds like he's been rebounding with you. You were the innocent one who got hurt in this whole mess. People rebound because they suddenly find themselves alone. He just needed someone there to vent to, someone to touch him and spend time with him. Now that things are progressing in his life, he's come back to his JW "senses", and he no longer needs you.
Those are my thoughts on your situation anyway.
OK I've been OUT for awhile --- what is Spiritual Endangerment? Is this some new way to allow "brothers" and "sisters"to divorce and be able to remarry? Man alive I remember the one thing that kept JWs married was the fear of never having sex again.
Angel, You are better off knowing all of the machinations of this cult before you got snookered by love into getting baptized. Falling inlove is so wonderful. But for a permanenet relationship you need a bunch of other stuff like respect (this guy didn't respect you, you were a worldly chic who would do what most single jws women would not) and trust (sounds like a liar to me.)
ABSOLUTE SPIRITUAL ENDANGERMENT
"Why Living a Godly Life Brings Happiness"
"Those living together as husband and wife should make sure that their marriage has been properly registered with the civil authorities. (Mark 12:17) They also need to view wedlock as a serious responsibility. True, separation might become necessary in cases of willful nonsupport, extreme abuse, or the absolute endangerment of spirituality."
(Knowledge That Leads To Everlasting Life, WTBTS, 1995, p.122)
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"But shun empty speeches that violate what is holy; for they will advance to more and more ungodliness, and their word will spread like gangrene." (2 Timothy 2:15-17) It is of interest that many who have become victims of apostasy got started in the wrong direction by first complaining about how they felt they were being treated in Jehovah's organization. (Jude 16) Finding fault with beliefs came later. Just as a surgeon acts quickly to cut out gangrene, act quickly to rout out of the mind any tendency to complain, to be dissatisfied with the way things are done in the Christian congregation. (Colossians 3:13, 14) Cut off anything that feeds such doubts.?Mark 9:43."
"9 Stick closely to Jehovah and his organization. Loyally imitate Peter, who resolutely stated: "Lord, whom shall we go away to? You have sayings of everlasting life." (John 6:52, 60, 66-68) Have a good program of study of Jehovah's Word so as to keep your faith strong, like a large shield, able "to quench all the wicked one's burning missiles." (Ephesians 6:16) Keep active in the Christian ministry, lovingly sharing the Kingdom message with others. Every day, meditate appreciatively on how Jehovah has blessed you. Be thankful that you have a knowledge of the truth. Doing all these things in a good Christian routine will help you to be happy, to endure, and to remain free of doubts."
(The Watchtower Feb. 1, 1996, p. 24)
"A Christian has the serious responsibility to safeguard his faith against all corrupting influences . . ."
(Kingdom Ministry, Sept. 1995, p.6)
I don't really have any advice for you. I just wanted to say...
Welcome Angel!
I appreciate all your responses. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and am going to take a breather. I'm very grateful, but I'm still very emotional through all this. I do understand your concerns for me and I promise you I have no intention of ever converting. I miss him deeply and continue to pray for his awakening into truth, despite my absence in his life now.
Hello again Angel! Having been though an incredibly emotional breakup myself, all I'm really going to advise for now is take some time to mourn and mope. Get as much out of your system as you can.
Take care..
