Control damn it! April 2004 KM on How to Behave at the Conventions

by truthseeker 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • truthseeker
    truthseeker

    My God, this is worst than last years. I'm not writing the whole thing out, but here are some "convention reminders" for this years District Convention.

    "Let Us Exhalt His Name Together" page 3

    para 4

    Please bring a lunch rather than leave the convention site to obtain a meal during the noon break. This will allow all to enjoy upbuilding association and be present from the very start of the session. If necessary, a small cooler that can be placed under a seat may be used.

    It's so generous of them to allow us to carry our food and drink in any sort of container. Especially on very hot days.

    subheading: A Spiritual Banquet Awaits Us:

    para 6

    King Jehoshaphat was one who "prepared [his] heart to search for the true God." How can we prepare out heart before the convention? The articles on the back page of the May 22 and June 8 issues of Awake! provide a preview of the spiritual banquet that will be served.

    Spiritual Food at the Proper Time page 5

    para 2

    At the convention held at Columbus, Ohio in 1931, Jehovah (Rutherflawed) directed his worshippers to take on a new name - Jehovah's Witnesses. (Isa 43:10-12)

    para 3

    subheading: How Well Are You Eating?

    It is possible to be surrounded by food and yet be malnorished if we do not put forth the effort to eat. (How many have seen malnorished people surrounded by food who don't want to eat? What a stupid comparison) The same is true in a spiritual sense. At a few conventions, it has been observed (by whom?) that many are needlessly walking around or talking with others during the program. While upbuilding association (what association? Do you know the person sitting behind you?) is an important aspect of the convention, the time for this is before and after each session...Convention department overseers and brothers with assignments may find it necessary to discuss convention matters while the (indoctrination) sessions are in progress. Otherwise, they should set an example by their attentiveness to the program. None of us can afford to miss and of the spiritual food provided.

    para 4

    How we rejoice in the rich spiritual truths Jehovah provides (we never said 1975), as contrasted with the dried out false doctrines of Christendom. One way we can 'show ourselves thankful' is by viewing the convention as an opportunity to be taught by Jehovah. (Col 3:15) Look beyond the brother giving the talk, and view the message as coming from our "Grand Instructor." (we never said 1975) Pay rapt attention.

    Chaste, Praiseworthy Personal Appearance page 6

    para 3 subheading Modest, Well Arranged Dress:

    When preparing for the convention, ask yourself: 'Is my clothing modest, or does it draw undue attention to me? Does it show respect for the feelings of others? Are my blouses too low (brothers!) at the neckline or too short? Are my dresses revealing or tight? Is my clothing clean and free from offensive odors (no smoking)...Would the clothing I wear during leisure time make me embarrased to witness informally?

    So, after 8 gruelling hours on a hard seat, you can't even relax without worrying about informally witnessing to someone?

    Add your own paragraph!

    Pay Attention to how you Go

    para 1 - During a break to the rest room, are you constantly thinking about the spiritual truths you have heard? Every opportunity has been made for each toilet and cubicle to have it's own speaker system. Are you taking advantage of these loving arrangements? Surely, none of us can afford to miss this vital spiritual food as coming from the faithful and discreet slave. Remember, do not abuse complimetary toilet roll when wiping your ass.

  • heathen
    heathen

    Man you think these people could go 8hrs without something to eat . I notice they never have any fun activities but I guess beating the hell out of your kid cause they can't sit still thru all of this is stimulating activity. Maybe they should play who wants to be a millionaire type games and give some prizes away or something , jeeezzzzzzzzzuuuusssssssssss these people are so friggen anal.

  • galaxy7
    galaxy7

    Remember Sisters the bathroom mirrors are covered please do not remove brown wrapping paper!!

    You should be humbly sitting at your husbands feet during the sessions

    It doesnt matter what you look like

    you are only a woman

  • Funchback
    Funchback

    truthseeker-

    I loved the way you added in your smartass comments after each paragraph! Good job!

    Paragraph 2: Sign of the Times

    Our volunteers during the session work very hard as they walk around the stadium in continuous circles (like a mouse in a wheel) carrying signs that read "PLEASE BE SEATED" and "QUIET PLEASE". (Question: If someone is lollygagging in the corridor but they are in a wheelchair BUT they aren't talking, do the signs apply to that person?). Do you pay attention to these signs? First, the signs cost a lot of money. Perhaps the next time you see these signs you can think about all of the hard work and money that went into EACH sign for EACH convention and assembly and promptly, yes generously, donate your hard earned cash! Of course, after you pad our pockets in Bethel, you can promptly obey our friggin' signs and let us control you!

  • Euphemism
    Euphemism

    Worse than last year? Hell, no. It's the same fricking article; they just reprint it every year.

    ROFL @ truthseeker's added paragraph, however...

  • Stefanie
    Stefanie
    Worse than last year? Hell, no. It's the same fricking article; they just reprint it every year.

    yup....thats what i was thinking..

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    same song, second and third verse, i have been seeing the same comments since i was a child.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    para 3:

    While you are laying a pipeline in the honeybuckets provided through Jehovah's loving organization, reflect on how Jehovah has similarly laid a pipeline through which chunky spiritual nourishment flows from Jehovah's exalted throne to the feeble diaper-wearing gerontocrats of the "Faithful & Discreet & Incontinent Slave Class" and from there to the rest of the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses. Yes, Jehovah has squeezed off a loaf on our behalf in these last days.

  • got my forty homey?
    got my forty homey?

    I've mentioned these annual articles before and how I loved them because not only were horror stories mentioned in the KM study article, but then comments were made of personal horror stories of what happened to them.

  • Corvin
    Corvin

    "Let Us Exhalt His Name Together" page 3

    para 4

    Please bring a lunch rather than leave the convention site to obtain a meal during the noon break. This will prevent you from being targeted by apostates who may bring up that embarrassing UN/NGO issue we cannot give a better response to other than the "library card" defense. If necessary, a small cooler that can be placed under a seat may be used.

    para 3 subheading Modest, Well Arranged Dress:

    When preparing for the convention, ask yourself: 'Is my clothing modest, or does it draw undue attention to me? Does it show respect for the feelings of others? Slutty sisters are encouraged to ask themselves: "Are my blouses too low at the neckline or too short? Are my dresses revealing or tight? Will single and married brothers as well as certain pioneer sisters want to bed me on sight?

    Ah yes, to be a young single brother cruising the convention grounds looking for girls . . .

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