You're so Smart

by simplesally 18 Replies latest social family

• 

  simplesally

  You know, I look at my daughter and I see with my eyes how beautiful she is to me. So many times we hear them say such cute things, smart things, funny things, etc......... We brush their hair, we dress them and play

  But so many times, I hear coming out of my mouth, "You're so beautiful" or "you're so pretty." So, I am changing my words now when I want to compliment her when she does something I like........... "You're so smart."

  When playing Barbies, I am not doing the wedding dress thing and saying when you grow up "You're going to get married and be a mommy"

  Now I am not saying I don't wish those things for her because I do. She loves to play with babies and mother them. But I am encouraging her to drive her little car to work, to the store. Later I will ask her "Do you wanna be a doctor or a lawyer when you grow up?" Questions like that. I am thinking that I don't want to put her beauty in front of her but her mind, her intelligence, her sweet nature, her kindness..........reinforce these good qualities..........then her beauty will be icing and not the cake.
• 

  Gretchen956

  Something to keep in mind, you can tell her she's beautiful and still tell her she's smart and can be anything she wants to be.

  My birth mother, a devout JW NEVER gave us compliments because of course all glory goes to god. We all grew up with terrible self esteem. But I had another mother, my heart mother, that "adopted" my oldest brother and I because we were kindred spirits. I didn't live close to her so I only saw her a few times a year. But over the course of those years (she died at 86), every single time I did see her, without exception, she told me I was beautiful and that she loved me and was proud of me.

  This world has far too little of that. Witness women have little cause to have self esteem, unless they're shooting to be an elders wife and live for the power vicariously through their husbands. So now that we are out, we can really understand and give unconditional love.

  Beauty is not only what you view when you look at a person, but their personality, their spirit, their actions. And, many might disagree here, but I think that beautiful people also stop to see the beauty in others and around them too.

  So don't stop telling her she's beautiful because you think it will make her vain. She is beautiful.

  Gretchen
• 

  shotgun

  I tell my girl....your so silly...then she says I am not you are.
• 

  Odrade

  I'll second that, my mom would never tell me I was pretty...and she wouldn't let anyone else do it either. It seriously affects me even now, and I am 33 years old. Keep telling her she's pretty. Tell her she's smart too, but keep saying she's pretty.

  O
• 

  simplesally

  I am not saying I won't tell her she is pretty but I want her to be smart in her eyes first............

  to me........... I was always "the pretty one" and smart was not the first thing I thought about me.
• 

  shotgun

  Me too Sally..I'm tired of people getting caught up in my boyish good looks and devil maycare attitude....my dad never called me anything but GET OVER HERE..

  Odrade for a woman with a thorn complex you blossomed into a beautiful rose....even if it's on a desolate planet in another galaxy.
• 

  getting it

  I tell my little girl everything. She will figure out what she wants to do. I will support whatever it is that she decides she wants to do. All I have to do is help her grow as a healthy person. And that is all I can hope for, a healthy young woman...

  (I am going to go cry now)
• 

  simplesally

  Shotgun ............... you're so smart!

  Getting it.............. cry now? why?
• 

  getting it

  Cry because she is not my baby anymore, and because she is growing so fast. I miss seeing her daily as she is changing so fast. And because she will be a young woman one day and I will see her even less...
• 

  Xena

  What I tell my daughter depends on the circumstances....if she is dressing up I tell her she is beautiful...if she brings home a good grade..I tell her she is smart...if she invents a new dance move...I tell her she is creative. Whatever she does or tries to do I do my best to encourage her. I want her to be well rounded and realize that she is like a diamond with a lot of facets...that all make up the unique person that is her.