beauty, brains, money....no luck!

by AuSet 26 Replies latest social relationships

  • AuSet
    AuSet

    My sister, who is still IN, has just recently graduated from college (four year university) with a good degree and has landed a great job. Its likely that she will never meet a JW man who is completely compatible with her, as she is educated, smart, and makes more money than about half her cong. combined.

    She is drop dead gorgeous, and has total strangers stop her on the street to tell her how beautiful she is. Yet she calls me at least once a week crying about her on again off again relationship with her controlling, depressed JW boyfriend. She stays with him because she is afraid to be alone, and because she feels he is the only one she can really "talk with" who is at her level (ie she doesn't have to "dumb down") She realizes she is somewhat of an anomaly in the JW world because of her level of education, and is starting to realize the cost to her, relationship wise, of this. It hurts me to see her so sad and lonely with no hopeful prospects at all...her self esteem seems to be at an all time low...and there is nothing really I can do to help her. I believe she stays IN more for the social aspect than anything, she is extroverted and needs to be around people, parties, a lot. She's coming home this weekend and I'm sure will start in with the same routine, "I'll never find anyone, no one wants me," etc.... It sickens me to hear this because she is such an attractive person, inside and out, and I just want to SHAKE her!

    AArrrghh!!

  • toreador
    toreador

    Sometimes thats what it takes is a good shaking to wake you up. Give it a whirl and see what happens.

    Tor

  • bebu
    bebu

    I heard a good saying: Marriage is hard enough, so don't marry the one you can "live with"; marry the one you "can't live without".

    You might encourage her by saying, "Jehovah has someone special for you. If you choose out of fear instead of love, you are going to sell yourself short of His best."

    It would be awful if she married out of anxiety and fear. I hope she will think more clearly!

    bebu

  • shotgun
  • Maverick
    Maverick

    Have her E-mail me. I'll help her get over the J-dud duds! Maverick

  • Sam Beli
    Sam Beli

    It is unfortunate that the scriptural council the WTS refers to (the reason your sister will date only JWs): "marry only in the lord" is interpreted to mean, and is read: "marry only a JW."

    There are many fine people in "the world," but JWs cannot see that fact because they are programmed to view "worldly" people as under the influence of Satan

    Are there any Professors, instructors, researchers, etc. that your sister met during her university years that she admired for there intellect, ethics or morals? Use anyone that she respected to help her understand that she will find more suitable friends among her "worldly" associates than she ever will at the Kingdom Hall.

  • Badger
    Badger

    Auset:

    ASK her of WHY she went to college.

    ASK her WHY so many witness men DON'T

    ASK her WHY so many may be threatened by her.

    ASK her WHAT most JW men want in a woman, and whether or not her gifts would be welcome

    That was one of the things that made me want to leave. I have a college degree, and I saw almost no woman in the org that would appreciate it. I also realized that most witness women had a dream of hooking up with an elder who didn't over-intellectualize things. Thos intelligent JW women were so depressed or broken that they saw their brilliance as a curse. I'm not what most JW women want...most JW's aren't what I'm looking for either.

    After you do all that....

    GIVE her MY number.

  • AuSet
    AuSet

    Sam Beli: She had a "wordly" boyfriend while she was in college, who was perfect in almost every way and treated her like a queen. However, she couldn't reconcile the fact that he was an atheist. She became reproved after their relationship was revealed to the elders, she moved to a different cong, and is now trying to be a "good JW." Being raised JW, she knows and utilizes their social system well. After moving, she had an entire circle of friends at the KH within a short time period. This is hard to do out in the world, where relationships are formed much more realistically. I always remind her that her one worldly boyfriend was far and away the best relationship she's ever had.

    Badger: Too bad you live so far away!

  • Panda
    Panda

    Tell her to get into therapy. She'll learn about herself. Also remind her of what she has, tell her to take some trips, work for the Peace Corp for a year... believe me she'll stop whining and have plenty of male friends.

  • Insomniac
    Insomniac

    Much as I hate to admit it, worldly men are not all so wonderful, either. They all have their issues, and plenty of men, regardless of their faith, will feel threatened by a smart, beautiful woman who out-earns them. Find a guy who loves you for your looks, and as soon as you become exclusive he starts telling you to wear longer skirts, don't be so flashy. Find a guy who loves you for your personality, and he'll accuse you of flirting with his friends. Find a guy who loves that you make good money, and he'll expect you to pick up the tab every damn time he asks you to dinner. You get the picture.

    Sorry for the rant. Best of luck to your sister; hope she finds a good man who will treat her well.

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