Hi, My name is Sara, and my older brother is a Jehovah's Witness. I stumbled this website when I was feeling upset about my brother's association with JWs. I just wanted to thank you so much for creating a website like this. For a long time I have felt all alone in my feelings that there was something wrong with this organization. My brother is like my best friend (we are only 13 months apart) and it pains me to see him manipulated like this. He first started attending meetings while I was away for my freshman year of college. He got into it through some friends of his in his high school shop class who were brought up JW. At first I didn't think much of it; we've never been a religious family. I knew he was lonely since most of his other friends went off to college that spring. But gradually he got deeper and deeper into it until he wasn't associating with anyone 'worldly' except for me and my immediate family. I figured that it was ok since he was happy, and afterall, he could be doing worse (like drugs and crime). By the time I was finished with college, he was deeply entrenched in being JW. It's been 6 years since he was baptized, and with each passing day I realize that this is not just a phase he is going through. He is actively searching for a wife, and I feel that soon he will be in too deep to ever consider getting out. Don't get me wrong, I have met a lot of his JW friends (though not often because I might spoil their useful habits), and they are nice and decent people. But he has been receiving considerable pressure from the people in his Hall to stop talking to me and my other siblings, and that is just unacceptable to me. I have tried to talk to him about my concerns. My brother is a wonderful person, but he is overly trusting and not what people call 'book smart'. He can't answer the questions I have and just tells me that the elders could answer them if I wanted to talk to them. But I don't want to talk to the elders! I want to talk to my brother. But he is just leaving everything to 'faith' apparently, and it's maddening. It sounds harsh, but I would liken my brother and his JW friends to children in the way they see the world. They never question, just accept. Now if I could just find that Pied Piper they are following and...... I know there is probably nothing I can do to make him see what is happening to him. It's just so frustrating and heart-breaking, and I don't know what I will do if he actually stops talking to me. If anyone else out there has had a similar experience, whether from the JW side or my side, I would love to hear some advice or comments. thanks for reading.
My brother is a JW, and I love him.
by earpick18 13 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
astro_girl
Hi Sara and welcome! I'm a newbie too!
I have many relatives on my husbands side of the family that are JWs. This site helped me to understand their mentality and beliefs and basically what a bunch of lies they are entrenched in. You will benefit immensely from reading the posts here. They will give you stength, hope and the ability to deal with your brother's "religion".
I love my older brother too. My situation is a bit different from yours but here is a quick summary of it. He became a moonie about 30 years ago and I have tried to keep a good relationship with him but as you know with any high control group, it's a very delicate situation. He was married in a mass wedding that I attended and then he moved overseas to convert vulnerable people in unstable Eastern European countries. I am going to visit him in a few weeks and as always he will try to convert me. He is very aggressive and we usually end up fighting because I can't seem to keep my big mouth shut when he starts proselytizing (but I will do my best to contain myself this time) I always have a hope that he will burst out of his hazy bubble and see reality one day. I wish you good luck with your brother. Be patient, always let him know you love him and hang in there! He is so lucky to have a sister like you! Astro-Girl
-
DevonMcBride
Hi Sara and welcome. You came to the right place. Most of the members here are former JW's and JW's with doubts. There are several of us non-JW's on this board too who have loved ones that got involved with the JW's.
If you have questions or comments, feel free to post them, if you are looking for more information, go to the links board at the bottom of the main page.
Devon
-
confusedjw
I became a witness due to my older brother talking to me. Surely your brother has witnessed to you so tell him this. You were looking into things and every encyclopedia or other reference (especially see www.607v587.com, but don't tell him the source) says the date for the destruction of jerusalem is 587bce and not 607. That would mean that 1914 could not be the end of the gentile times and most importantly then 1919 could not be the date God picked the WT to be his organization on earth.
Gently ask him if he can show anyone other that Jehovah's Witnesses that point to 607 as Jerusalems fall. This could prove to be a very important moment. (FYI two of the five brothers who wrote the Aid to Bible Understanding were disfellowshipped over this issue of 587 vs. 607.)
It's like the Catholic church burning people for saying the world is round (I don't know if they really did that.
The 587 date is rock solid, as you will see as you do some reading. He will read up and tell you that witnesses use the date 539 as their touchstone date. They add two to get to 537 and then because Jerusalem was supposes to be desolate, (they say 70 years when the scriptures really say the nations around not just Jerusalem), they will subtract 70 from 537 to get to 607. They then us a scripture that talks of 7 times, which is extrapolated to be 2520 years which when added to 607 takes you to 1914.
Likely I've either bored you to tears or confused you. Sorry, but here is the point. The date 587 is a very solid historical date with over 10,000 table records pointing to it. That means that the WT is teaching 1.) a falsehood that they know about as hundreds or thousands of witnesses have left over this issue and written them in minute detail. 2). they couldn't have been picked by God in 1919.
You have to be very gentle as you talk to him as you can scare him off with "apostate" phrases. Don't tell him you have been on the internet. That is forbidden almost to them. Just go with neutal sources and ask innocent questions and let him stumble over the answers.
We'll help you if you get stuck
Let us know.
Confusedjw
-
Nan
Hello Sara!
My husband & I have never been JWs either, but our son is married to a Witness, and she is trying very hard to convert him. This is so very, very sad for us because we can "see through" the lies, deceptions, and manipulations of the Watchtower Organization. We love our children (and we consider our D-in-L our child, too) very much, and it breaks our heart that they are contributing so much time, energy, and financial aid to this counterfeit "christian" group.
You'll receive LOTS of help on this board. Most of the people here have lived the JW life; they've been there and know first-hand how to answer ANY question you could possibly have.
Keep your chin up! There's ALWAYS hope for our loved ones to break free of the insideous clutches of the WTS!
Nan
-
Ghosthunter
Hi Sara and welcome! You mentioned in your post that your brother wasn't 'book smart' and that he was unable to answer your questions and referred you to the elders. Unfortunately, this is probably why the JW's were able to get him in the first place. They look for people that may not be as 'smart' as others and people that are easily manipulated. Sad, isn't it?
The thing you do have going for you is that you are not, nor ever will be, a JW. While he will be encouraged to leave his 'worldly' family behind, he will never be forbidden to talk to you.
Is there something he may have enjoyed before joining that he doesn't do now? Maybe bring that up in a conversation and get him thinking about all the stuff he may be missing. Just a suggestion.
Good luck.
BH
-
jgnat
Welcome, Sara.
I am a non-JW with a JW partner. You are right, sometimes it is very frustrating to watch someone you love make lousy choices. As people of free will, however, we must allow others that same freedom, even if it breaks our heart. I would feel the same way about a parent with chronic lung problems who refuses to quit smoking, for example.
That doesn't mean we have to stop caring, or that there is nothing you can do. It is very important that you keep your ties with your brother as long as he allows. Your brother has been told to expect opposition. If you try and fiercly tear him away from the Witnesses, this will only serve to confirm his worst fears, and you will suddenly become an agent of the devil. In all your dealings with your brother, remain kind, gentle, loving, and understanding.
A great read would be Steven Hassan's Combatting Mind Control. http://www.freedomofmind.com/ I am ashamed to say I have not read it yet. Nevertheless, I put to practice some of his principles, including "addressing the authentic self". You have a shared history with your brother that the WTS cannot compete with. Remind him of his qualities that make him unique through teasing and friendly journeys down memory lane. Avoid battling the "cult self" directly, that drives your real brother farther away.
There are no quick fixes to this. Some XJW's wait years after "waking up" to the hypocricy, before they get the courage to break ties completely. With patience and love and years, though, your brother may eventually turn around.
-
DevonMcBride
My brother is a JW, and I love him.
Real love is stronger than conditional love. Keep showing him support and love even when he frustrates you. The Witnesses will only show him conditional love and if he screws up, they will treat him poorly.
Devon
-
shotgun
Sara is such a nice name...how did you pick earpick for a forum name...on second thought don't tell me.
Does he mention anything specific trying to peak your interest or leave magazines for you to read?
If he leaves magazines let me know which ones and I'll give you a few points to talk about...
Take care Sara
-
avishai
But he has been receiving considerable pressure from the people in his Hall to stop talking to me and my other siblings,
One of the main signs that this is a cult.
He can't answer the questions I have and just tells me that the elders could answer them if I wanted to talk to them. But I don't want to talk to the elders! I want to talk to my brother. But he is just leaving everything to 'faith' apparently, and it's maddening. It sounds harsh, but I would liken my brother and his JW friends to children in the way they see the world. They never question, just accept
That's another one.