DATING OLDER MEN/WOMEN

by sandy 48 Replies latest social relationships

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  sandy

  What are your thoughts on this? Would you date someone significantly older than yourself? Have you done so in the past? Did it work out?

  I am currently seeing someone 16 years older than myself. It is not serious at all but I am playing with the idea in my head. I care for this guy a great deal. He has been a great friend to me. Surprisingly, my feelings for him have grown deeper.

  I know that it is me that ultimately has to make this decision. I just want to hear what some of you have to say about this subject.

  Do you think age alone should be the deciding factor in staying out of serious romantic relationship with this guy?

  I am 28 years old and I am certain I do not want children nor does he. Whenever I tell people I do not want kids they say I will change my mind when I meet the right person.

  Does everyone have to want kids? Seriously, I love kids and I adore my nieces and nephews but they are enough for me. I try to imagine a happy life being married with kids but it just doesn't appeal to me.

  Marriage never even appealed to me until the past couple of years. Maybe that in itself is an indication that I will change my mind and want kids someday.
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  RubyTuesday

  ?Old? is a state of mind in my opinion. 16 years older I think is not bad... if you two really click. Anna Nicole is another story.

  Whenever I tell people I do not want kids they say I will change my mind when I meet the right person.

  Don?t let society push its views on you. I too have decided not to have children and will never change my mind. I have a friend at work that has two children and is always telling me someday I will want them too. Yet she is miserable?her husband won?t help around the house and they are constantly fighting. She comes to work exhausted, is always worried about money and one of her kids is always sick or in some kind of trouble.

  Best of luck to you.
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  FMZ

  I am married to a beautiful woman 15 years my senior. People joke and say stuff, but you know what? We have a very happy marriage (happier than most). Age is but a number. Sure it brings its challenges, but it also somehow seems to make things easier.

  FMZ
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  rocketman

  Just make sure his life insurance is up to date!
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  Elsewhere

  I usually discourage this for people in their late teens or early twenties... but for someone who is 30+ I don't have a problem with it.

  I've noticed that once someone reaches 30 something in their head changes and they start to think differently (I know I did). This difference is thinking can mess up a marriage between, say a 20 year old and 30 year old.

  You are 28... I think that is close enough.

  I wish you the best!
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  xjw_b12

  Sandy:

  Does everyone have to want kids? Seriously, I love kids and I adore my nieces and nephews but they are enough for me. I try to imagine a happy life being married with kids but it just doesn't appeal to me.

  I'll tell you what. I'll lend my 2 youngest to you for a while, to see how you like it. Daughter 14, son 12. And if you like it, you can keep them, and if you don't, you can keep them.
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  Sabine

  Does everyone have to want kids? Seriously, I love kids and I adore my nieces and nephews but they are enough for me. I try to imagine a happy life being married with kids but it just doesn't appeal to me.

  It really makes me angry when people try to make others feel guilty or sub-human when they state they dont want to have kids....

  I have a 17 year old son, I love him so much I'm already starting to get separation anxiety when he talks about leaving home for college. But honestly, most days my husband and I look at each other and say "we should have got puppies". I was raised by a bi-polar, self-centered mom (no dad) that never showed me any affection. I don't know if it's necessary to have grown up with a good parenting example to be a good parent. I don't know why I struggle so with being a parent, maybe some people just aren't meant to have kids. Also being in the cult and never really getting a chance to be a normal young person and live a little before settling down has had an affect too.

  As far as age goes, all people are different, all mature at different ages. I don't think you can generalize about age anymore than you can generalize about race. I'm in a bi-racial marrage and before we got married many told us a bi-racial marriage wouldn't work...30 years later...I'm glad we didn't listen to their narrowminded opinions!
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  sandy

  It really makes me angry when people try to make others feel guilty or sub-human when they state they dont want to have kids....

  I hate that too!!!

  I'll tell you what. I'll lend my 2 youngest to you for a while, to see how you like it. Daughter 14, son 12. And if you like it, you can keep them, and if you don't, you can keep them.

  xjw-b12, I'm sure I'd have them back to you before they unpack.

  Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts and humor.
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  Sam Beli

  The issues to be concerned about, with respect to age, are not so much now as later. Ask yourself how you will feel when you are in your mid forties (in your sexual and hopefully physical prime) and he is in his sixties with lots of aches and pains and in addition he has ED.

  Will you have the patience then to deal with the problems that his advancing age may bring? Remember that men often age more quickly than women do, therefore the physiological age difference may become more that 16 years.

  Just something to think about seriously, before getting in too deep.

  Regards,

  Sam
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  wednesday

  No Sandy, of course u do not have to want kids. But what's the rush? U are quite young, and will most likely, baring unforunate health conditions, will be able to become pregant until your mid to possibly late 40's. Men are fertile almost forever.(baring bad health in either of u being infertile) Look at Tony Randal, he was 70 i believe and his lady love in her 20's. he fathered a child. (i think myself that is way too much age difference, but who am I to tell him not to be happy, and his wife looks like she's in love too) So, what i am saying is, U do not have to make this decison now. keep your options open. If u love this guy and wnat to marry him, 16 yrs is not too much. get married, be happy, and then if u want kids, have them. If u do not, use birth control.. But seriously, I would not do anything permnent to my body to prevent pregancy at this age. u are still really young, and may have totally different feeling in 10 yrs. Or they may not, Whatever, u will know what to do. So, really u don't have to make a decison. just practice birth control. and don't worry about this. If things change, then u still have your options open.

  btw, sam my doc is 67 and can run rings around men half his age. he skies and works 12 hour days. it is all a state of mind.he has an active sex life. sorry abut the yellow, it will not turn off.