I feel really sorry for you, Frankie.
Sorry, but I really do.
If you get your kicks like this, then you really are f*cked up.
It's one thing to get screwed over by a cult, it's another thing entirely to act in this kind of manner...
At the very least you know that you are offending some of your fellow humanbeings, for no good reason.
Why?
Because you can?
Boy did they emasculate you, in the mindjob they pulled on you.
I wish you all the best, in your attempts to heal.
I really do...