First let me say WELCOME. I am glad you see what jws are and have the sense to get out . I am married to a jw with four children,we did not start out this way ,we were recruited after two years of marriage. I saw the lies my husband did not, i left it, he got stronger and refuses to see that it is a cult no matter what i show him. My children have never had a Birthday with him, nor has he had anything to do with any holidays. It would be a very lonely and one sided life if you had stayed in it. The hall comes before anyone or anything, you could stand in front of him and slit youre wrist for his attention and he would walk right past you to get to his meetings, i know i tried. The org. is their live and no one stands in their way.. I am so glad you can see to move on and have the life you want and deserve without having someone addicted to a mindless cult.
hi everyone first time posting
by prgirl 26 Replies latest social relationships
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prgirl
Hi Avishai,
Thanks for your kind response. Regarding your question I love the gym that I go to. I met a very close friend of mine there. We work out together for the most part. I can't beat the price there either. I have considered whether I should go somewhere else because it is hard to see him there. The only place I go for some stress relief and he is there. Hopefully he will be moved to another gym like they have before. I would go to the same gym in another location, but none of them are close to where I live. I was also thinking why should I change my schedule? I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I will admit it's hard to see him. Some days it's easier than others. I am getting used to going though, and knowing he will be there.
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Lady Lee
First WELCOME
Second If you haven't seen the info for New folks thread I highly recommend it
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mouthy
prgirl.... Welcome to the forum. I am so happy to hear your trying to get over him!!!
Do your best to keep it up. I am the Granny on board- was a JW for over 20+ You will regret your life
if you do have a relationship with this guy....I am sure he is a wonderful fellow- but he doesnt posses his own mind- it belongs to the WT .. Glad you shared with us ((HUG))
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prgirl
Thanks everyone for being so welcoming, and understanding!!
KLS,
Thanks for your response. I am so sorry to hear your situation. I have heard stories like this, and realized this is not what I want. I already felt that this was one sided. We had a 70th birthday party for my grandmother. He knows how important she is to me, but no matter what he wouldn't go. My friend of 8 years is getting married he wouldn't go to the service. When his gradmother passed away they didnt go to the funeral service because it was in a Catholic Church. It goes on and on. I was thinking if we were married and had kids. It would always be a battle, and I would always be myself. I wouldn't want my children raised that way.
The hard part is I know he is not totally oblivious to this. He would say I would leave him resent him, because i think he knew he didnt want to do anything. He knows what the problems are with the organization and would say it, but sometimes he would defend them! I realized you can show them all you want, and unless they are willing to hear you it doesn't matter.
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prgirl
Lady lee,
thanks for the link!
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Tinkerbell4125
Welcome prgirl! You're right when you say, he will have to figure this out for himself. The j.w's are SO brainwashed, it's not even funny. You're also right about the shunning. It is SO WRONG. It's emotional blackmail. My j.w. family shun me also. My anger towards them has now changed into pity. The whole j.w. situation is so toxic. Stay clear!!! Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders! I wish the best for you and your friend and again, welcome.
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Sassy
Welcome to JWD prgirl!
I can see where you would be frustrated! That would be difficult. My dad was never a JW but my mom became one after I was born. They were married 25 yrs and yet it never really was a happy one, because her life was being a JW. It sounds like your boyfriend is still dfd, so his life probably isn't as much so, but still it is controlling parts of his life and hampering your happeinss with him. I'm sorry.. There are some who it works for, but I think a greater majority who it doesn't.
I hope you can stay around and get to know us. It might even help you understand where he is coming from.. It is too bad reading the CofC wasn't enough to help him let go.. :(
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True North
I consider myself fortunate that I don't have a child with him, that we are not married, and most of all that my family is not JW.
Hi prgirl,
I wish I could have shown your good sense around thirty years ago when I got involved with a JW girl. (I also wish that this forum and http://www.freeminds.org/ had been around back then. Of course, we didn't even have the Internet and Web at the time.) When I met her, she was temporarily straying from the cult and I was at a particularly vulnerable point in my life. Unfortunately, when she decided that she could no longer continue a relationship with a "worldly person", I started "studying" and eventually joined up and married her.
About ten years later, I finally woke up and got out of the cult but it never got out of my life. My wife is still a JW and views me as the enemy; my kids have suffered the loss of a normal childhood; and my non-JW family lost out on being able to enjoy a normal relationship with their grandchildren, nieces, nephews, etc.
One piece of advice I'd give you, if I may: if he ever tells you that he's decided he wants to rekindle the relationship with you, be extremely cautious. Unless he can really demonstrate that he's completely out of the cult and -- just as important -- that it's out of him, he would be a bad, bad risk to get involved with again. There's just too much of a chance that either he'll revert or just get stuck in a lifelong "funk," being neither here nor there.
There's actually a movie that came out in the 90s that can serve as a cautionary tale about the potential dangers of getting involved with an ex-JW who's not really free of the cult, even though it's not about JWs. The movie is "Not Without My Daughter", which reviewer Marshall Fine describes on amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00005N89Q/qid%3D1081447875/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/104-2789999-9879122) as follows: "Sally Field plays Betty Mahmoody, an American who marries an Iranian (Alfred Molina) and has a child. They go back to Iran for a visit and, to her horror, he tells her he's decided to stay there. If she wants to leave, she must leave her daughter behind. If she stays, Betty must live in a culture vastly different and, she believes, very dangerous."
Take care and consider yourself lucky to have found out the score early on.
-- True North
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