A friend of mine was recently disfellowshipped (lets call him John, false name but serves the purpose of this). He was a ministerial servant within the cong (heading for Elder). Anyway, he got back in touch after the "fall".
He shed some light on his reasons for leaving.
Basically, he had visited my partner (call him Dave) about 2 years back. John had visited him with an elder to "encourage" him and bring him back into the "truth". Dave, well versed in all this via me, was ready for their visit.
Just today, John told Dave that a big factor in his doubting the "society" was that visit. He didn't recall all the words said but he did remember that Dave had greeted them at his house with a big smile. He remembered being jealous of Dave because he had a beach buggy in his lounge (he is an adrenaline junkie) and seemed just so happy and carefree. The elder was uptight and critisised Dave after they left, but John could only remember that during the visit Dave had seemed so happy and carefree now he wasn't a JW. He remembered how Dave highlighted that he didn't fear Jehovah and Armageddon, and that he didn't think God was so evil as to destroy us all.
John said he had doubts for years, but being married in the "truth" he felt he had to stay loyal. He said that during that elder's visit he had listened to what Dave told him but found he had to live up to the JW rules, he just wasn't quite ready to walk away.
This whole thing has opened my eyes. When elders visit you, don't think that your words mean nothing. If they're ready, they'll hear what you have to say. Proving you're now happy and living a good life must speak volumes aswell.
Keep telling those JWs what you know. Don't give up. Even though they're in denial, somewhere inside they know you are right.
When I was JW, I remember meeting an "apostate" on the ministry, and I was amazed at how much he knew. He seemed fanatical at the time, but honestly I think that his knowledge made some impression upon me and I now know the sort of effect we must have on their brainwashed mind.
Now John is free and he says it helped to see Dave making good of his life outside of JWs.
Sirona