Cyber-sista --
It is not always a personal choice to be a JW if you are born and bred into the cult (brainwashed) or if you come into it during a weak point in your life (my case) and are manipulated and then used by them because of your vunerability at the time.
I was raised in the troof from 2-18... I had no idea the impact on my way of thinking until much, much later in life... around 40 years old. Blame... Spit balls of blame came firing out... I couldn't begin to process the rawness that I felt through-out my body, mind & soul when these feelings began to surface...
I started reading, reading & reading... not just reading the words, in fact, I can't even remember most of the books I read the first time... I read to allow my feelings to process... to walk in others shoes and relate to their stories... some of the best material for my healing process has been that which I learned about the greiving process, co-depnedecy, & mind-control/emotional abuse...
Change constitutes loss... sometimes we leave good things for better things; or even leave good things for unknowns but hopeing for better -- as a result of our need for growth. All losses that are acknowledged require grieving... during this process we are extremely vunerable, that is human nature ie. the belief in the good of mankind. When we are vulnerable, and someone listens or lends a hand and helps us heal from our current losses -- we begin to trust. That is the process; and constitutes growth when each time we successfully travel beyond... However, it shatters the soul when we learn that our trust was given prematurely or that others mistook our healing and thankfulness as acceptance of their ways... or, when we feel that others preyed upon us during our time of vulnerability only to gain our trust so that THEIR intentions and motives where met at the SACRIFICE of our well being. When this occurs, not only is the current loss extremely painful, but it is possible that a number of losses in life we be reviewed... we are no longer certain of our reality... we need to take a step back and try to find who we were, where we went wrong, and whether or not our previous losses where fully grieved.
The grief process is not only different for each individual, but has different depths to it, sometimes cycling back and forth as we begin to expose our true selves. I copied a small section of the Kubler-Ross model... It doesn't mention blaming per se, but if you sit quietly... you will discover which part of the process this reaction is coming from... For me, it was immediately following my "awareness" which would mean I had grown past denial (20 years worth)... The anger was/is extremely hard to deal with constructively. I did my share of blaming -- but it does get better.
The Kubler-Ross (1969) Model .
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed a stage model learned from these patients who were coping with their own death. These five stages have been widely used as a general framework for caregivers working with individuals experiencing personal loss, (a) first stage: Denial and Isolation, a first reaction to the awareness of the loss, typically by the statement, "No, not me, it cannot be true.", (b) second stage: Anger, a shift in thought from "it cannot be true," to the reaction, "Oh, yes, it is me, it was not a mistake.", (c) third stage: Bargaining, an attempt at an agreement to postpone or to bargain for more time, (d) fourth stage: Depression, a reaction to letting go of anger is followed by a sense of intense loss, (e) fifth stage: Acceptance, a stage where the individual is neither depressed or angry. The individual has worked through feelings of loss and has found some peace (Kubler-Ross, 1969, p. 38-113).
But how do you get your head around this one? I am just asking because I truthfully don't know.
I am still searching for and working on the answer to this one. I am starting to believe the following --
Get your head out of it. It happened. Don't justify, excuse, deny, bargain, apologize, or use any other means of rationalization. It happened. It's painful to realize that my own weaknesses allowed it happen, but now that I realize what those weaknesses are I have opportunity for growth.
Trust the process. It works. Some people attend meetings; however I found them to be too much of a reminder of previous meetings I had been to -- opening prayer, rules, guidelines, etc. I needed a friend... period... It takes a lot of starting and stopping and re-starting to find the one(s) you can trust to open up to; but it can be done.
6 Degrees of Relating. Based on the concept of the movie (that exact title I forget), we are at MOST removed from everyone else in the world through 6 contacts. That means, to me, I have the ability in some way, by my actions and the words I speak to have an influence -- on a child that wants to be a scientist, on a student that wants to travel, on a teenager that wants out of drugs, on a firefighter that can't rescue any more, on you... whom I don't know... to in turn, help a victim become a survivor. [Or destroy a destructive cult and prevent innocent people from becoming victims]
jgnat - What a painful expression of awakening and reality...
This woman is too busy living to focus on blame any more. She has taken ownership for her life, and has moved on. Free!
If this is you... congratulations... The last time I wrote such deep, emotional feelings the ending said "Free... almost"... Hope to be there soon.
one_ugly_time
