Iam a jw right now, and Iam on public reproof. The problem is: even before I was reproved, I did not feel like I was apart of a loving family, I did not feel or see true love in the org., I felt empty after every meeting, as if I sat in a business recruitment course or weekly business seminar. I feel a lot of the poeple there, especially the elders are backstabbers. I also feel there is jealousy, envy, strife there. But my entire family is in the org. I want to leave. Iam not happy, I feel like everytime yout turn around there is a meeting, field service, assemblies, special talks. No real connection with the people there. The young peole are bore stiff. I doubt the teachings. I feel that I want to be free to be me.
IEmpty feeling
by Ray6 11 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Elsewhere
What you are feeling is very similar to what I felt before I DAed myself.
It is sad when you're family will shun you for following what will make you happy.
-
Puternut
Welcome Ray,
True happiness, you will not find in the organization. Neither is unconditional love. Something the organization is not following, It's one thing to believe in a Creator. It's another thing to be told by men how you are to live your life.
Puternut
-
jgnat
I am not a JW, but I have seen people at work who have faced similar rejection use that opportunity to re-evaluate their life and come up with new purpose. A few years ago, about five of my colleagues were laid off. They went through an expected period of grief and depression, but they all had to pick themselves up and do something with their careers. All but one ended up getting a better job!
In a way, having the security of the old job kept them from looking around at the opportunities available, or even taking a good look at their own strengths and abilities. One of my old colleagues went on to become a professional golfer. Believe me, she looked a lot healthier than the rest of us in a few months!
Perhaps you can treat this period of reproof as an opportunity to re-evaluate your priorities, and see what else is out there for you. Are there courses or sports you have deferred because the WT studies did not leave you enough time? Are there people at work you wished you had time to socialize with?
This might be a great chance to check these out!
-
LoverOfTruth
Hi Ray.
So happy to have you here with us.
While it is sad to have your family turn against you, please remember you will soon be on your own and will build a life of your own. That's a normal part of growing up.
-
galaxy7
welcome Ray6
this is a good place to start your journey,we all understand what you are going through
-
cyber-sista
I felt empty after every meeting, as if I sat in a business recruitment course or weekly business seminar.
That is because that is exactly what it is. It is a business--a book publishing company and real estate investment corporation controlling religious cult. I had been out for a bit, but not really knowing everything. I just found this all out a couple of month ago myself--was in shock--angry--feeling ripped off. It has worn off a bit, but still a lot of issues. It's a lot to deal with all at once, but slowly some sense of normalcy begin to creep back into your life. It's hard to leave family and friends behind, but you have to do what you know is right. Sorry Ray, it is not easy, but it is possible and the freedom is worth it. Read the posts here and you will see that many are recovering to one degree or another and that helps a lot. There is a lot of help out there--seek it.
-
jst2laws
Hello Ray6, You are right. I was for 29 years among those 'back stabbing' elders. The love I found in the organization was the love I put into it along with a handful of other true believers. Three years ago I stood in front of a house full of grieving JW's as a caring "elder" and pushed the issue with the disgusting corporate 'circuit overseer' by telling him that during the whole week of his visit I did not see one thing from him that might be construed as 'love'. I have since left and finally they disfellowshipped me for apostasy about this time last year. Your observations are valid. As you investigate further you will confirm your doubts about the teachings far beyond what have imagined. You will even discover the scriptural flaws in their deadly Blood Policy, the scandal of their involvement with the United Nations and the heart breaking truth about their devastating pedophile policy. You will be sad for a while, Ray. It is not easy to face reality and the LOSS that reality will reveal without going through some depression. You will have to walk a tight-rope with your family. You will be biting your tongue so as not to reveal how you feel about matters. You will be looking for little opportunities to safely share some of the wonderful truth you will be learning about the 'truth'. Bottom line, you will be happy again one day. It appears you have begun the journey most of us here are either on or have completed. But happiness will return. My wife and I have never been happier then we are now. Keep in touch Ray. We can help you on this journey. Jst2laws
-
talesin
Welcome
I felt much the same when I was 18. All my family were witnesses, and I could not bear to be one any longer. It was difficult, but I walked away from the Kingdom Hall and never went back.
I was depressed, but it got better with time and hard work. One of the most challenging issues was the guilt that had been instilled in me by the religion. My family played on this guilt, due to their indoctrination. Once I realized that I had the right to lead my own life and make my own choices, I no longer felt guilty.
Since then, it has been a continuing journey of self-discovery, which is a joyous thing. I am always learning new things about myself and the world around me. Always growing, changing.
That was 28 years ago, and I have not regretted it, not even once.
Freedom is sweet. It is the spring that nourishes my spirit.
Do what your heart is telling you is right. Satisfy your longings for truth and freedom by living the life you choose, you will be much happier for it.
Stick around, there's lots of support here.
talesin
-
Sassy
Welcome to this site Ray. You are going through things many here have as well. I hope you stay around and get to know us. Read through some of the threads here and learn things. You might find answers to some of the questions you are looking for. Definately you will find people who have similar experiences and it is so nice to know that someone else understands what you are going through!