How Do You Make Friends Now?

exjdub

Codeblue's thread about the teenage years made me start thinking about another aspect of being raised JW. In the Org we had ready made "friends" by virtue of our affiliation. I found that after leaving JW's it was hard to meet people and it took me a long time to make friends. Has anyone else had this problem? If so, how do you make friends now?

rick1199

I gues in way I am lucky ( I am not in a lot of other ways ) being Gay has ment that I have a ready made community to fall into now I have left the org. Have found it easy to meet people through that and have made some good friends

shamus

Hi rick, from a fellow sodomite (lol!) to another. Do you know about Ray (razorblade's) yahoo group for gay ex-dubs? PM me if you want it!

I found it EASIER to make friends. Just my personal opinoin. Especially when I am passing the crack pipe (KIDDING!)... I just had to throw that in for lurking dubs... probably thought that I was being serious, LOL!

Naw, people are friendly in "the world". I haven't had any problems, really. The problem is finding the right "clique". I don't like going out and just getting pissed. I climb, back-country tele ski, ice climb; i'm not into the "party" mode anymore. I'm 34, and have been there, done that. Yes, I do smoke a spliff every now and then for medical reasons, have a beer or two, but that's aboot it.

codeblue

Wow...good topic...

I am a recent fader and am still trying to figure that one out. You are right, we had "instant friends" just by showing up regular at the meetings and field service. Unless, like the last few KH's that I attended, the lack of love was sooooo obvious you were barely greeted when you came to the meetings.

We live in a very remote area, so it is hard to get a "job". We relocated for my husband's work. He has an excellent job, but he travels out a lot...leaving me alone.

I believe if I could work, I could strike up some friends, like I did on my previous job. I am a very outgoing person, but went thru a bit of a depression finding out the truth about the truth(tm). I isolated myself way to much during that time...which made the depression worse. Fortunately I have come out of my "shell"...opportunities are now happening because I take advantage of them when they show up.

I have gotten to know a few of my neighbors...I have taken personnel attention to them and show it when they are truly in need. I have aquired the "angel" title from one of them, since she is going thru some personal difficulties and I have just let her vent at my house a few times.

Codeblue

ChimChim

I was only young when I left, well not really left I was never baptised into the religion, but just talk to people, its amazing how many good reactions you can get with a good conversation

C.C

Atilla

The normal way-that of common interests not common religion.

Special K

I tend to make friends through my kids and their involvement with other families but sometimes I'm not the best at maintaining friendships as I feel that I should. I know, I know.. there should be no "shoulds"

I do feel like somewhat of a clutz in maintaining friendships.

It is an aspect of social development that I think alot people learned while in school and growing up as young children.

Because of being a J.W. I was always looked at as somewhat of a "freak" in school and I wasn't allowed to associate with so called worldly kids that much. And because of all the J.W. rules forced upon us I felt like a freak as well. What a "freakin" childhood.

I think we (my family of origin) were maybe just a "freaky" kind of family anyway. Too many secrets in our house and I think it left us cut off sometimes not only from others.. but more importantly ourselves.

I think it has left me with a bit of a handicap... one that I have made sure that my children do not have by making sure they have a good social life and always encourage them to have friends.

I have had discussions with my older kids and encourage them not to be like me.. and explain why I am like I am sometimes. Not excuses.. just trying to find an explanation.

Oh well, ...

I guess my life does revolve somewhat around my kids.. but that is just the stage of my life that I am in right now.

sincerely made me think deep on this one

Special K

cyber-sista

just be friendly and make conversation with people--eventually you will find some people you just click with and some you don't. Making friends is almost intuative. sometimes you just meet people and you have an instant connection with them--seems like you have known them for years. i think the connection with people goes much deeper than what appears on the outside. good friends can just hang out together and enjoy each others company sometimes without even talking--just being there and enjoying the day together and sharing observations of life. Don't force it--just relax and let it happen.

your friend, cybs

reboot

Making new friends is a lot easier and less daunting than you think it will be, when you leave...my new friend phoned me last week to say she'd bought me tickets to see the Vagina Monologues with 6 of her friends, which was such a lovely thing to do;I don't know them,but soon will.... which is one example of how friends tend to snowball once you start the process.

I had my core group of old non- jw friends who stuck with me through all the WTBS years ...... the jw friends were so.......quiet........it nearly drove me crazy.... being quite friendly I hated having to push people away if I liked them and they wer'nt deemed 'good association' but felt that I 'ought' to. It was one of the hardest things i've ever had to do and it made me pretty miserable.

I go to college now and have the tutors and a great group of people there thats enlarged again as we've met eachother's friends and partners...I don't have to refuse offers from.neighbours and parents of my children's friends to go out, and when i'm out I usually get talking to someone!

I also joined a gym when I left and met old and new friends there, and a swimming club and i'm just about to start self defence and trampolining classes.

Sometimes we wonder how to find these 'new friends' but I find the easiest way is to put yourself out there and smile invite them to do something with you, rather than waiting to be asked and feeling noones noticing you..I think joining a night class or going back into education is one of the best ways, as then you get to meet people you will already have a common interest with.And meeting people from this board has been great too.

Also, as people get to know you're not a witness anymore, they'll be more at ease and more likely to want to speak to you.

I never refuse any decent offer and i'm nearly back to my old self again.....

Maverick

I bribe them.

Actually they have to submit a financial statement the credit references and let me use their car/boats/homes and women if they want to be my friends! Maverick

How Do You Make Friends Now?

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