. . .JW mother last night.
To recap, I have been posting about how my 17 yo daughter is dating an 18 yo unbaptized JW, Carl. They are madly in love (or whatever) and I support and approve of their dating since he has proven to be a good respectful kid with brains and the ability to think for himself. I disclosed to him that I was apostate when he came to pick her up for their first date some weeks ago, and I told him if he felt like running he should do so. He seems to be fine with the situation and is intent on seeing my daughter against the admonition of the Society to shun disfellowshipped and apostate persons. Hmmm . . .
Well, his mother called me last night. It is my understanding that Carl told his mom that I am apostate. (I also told my EXwife a couple weeks ago, therefore, I am sure there isn't anyone who does not know by now) She was confident, kind, warm and genuine when speaking to me on the telephone . . . sort of like her boy, Carl. She expressed a concerne that the two kids needed chaparoning. I offerred that the two of them were raised with the same principles and know right from wrong; if they were going to have sex, they would do it and behind our backs. Whatever they decided to do, they must take responsibility for. I let her know that I am not offerring them a license to fool around, but to be safe, I have made an appointment with the doc to put my daughter on birth control. She didn't even flinch.
Getting more to the point, she said that she was also concerned that Carl is 18 while my kid is still 17 until November, and yes, she used the term "jail bait", but in a way that was in no way disrespectful. I was impressed. She further related to me how she ran into my exwife at Walmart the other day, and how my exwife made a very pleasant valed threat with regard to Carl making a move on our daughter. The gist was jail for the boy if he did anything. What a good JW my exwife is. I assured her that if the two of them cross the line, I would not even think of busting Carl's ass. They are too close to the same age for me to even consider it. She was pleased breathed easier. I told her that no matter what, my daughter's mother could never know what is really going on with the kids dating or how serious it might become, or she will use it against me, her, and the kids. I said, "believe it".
Next, we talked about how fond we were of eachother's kids, and how welcome they were in each one's respective homes. She mentioned how it was her desire to see Carl baptized and to see my daughter follow suit. She talked about how hard it is to be a JW and have an unbelieving mate like herself. Then she said how it would be so nice if I would "come back and love Jehovah". I put the breaks on right then and there, and spoke kindly but firmly.
I said, "I was raised in the organization and have seen some pretty discouraging stuff. We have always been warned about the persecution that comes from the nations, other religions, worldly people, etc., but what really alarms me, what I really must take exception to, is how every bit of persecution me and my kids have experienced has come, not from the world, but right directly from those in the organization. All their pain and suffering has been a direct result of growing up in the organization. Their mother and stepfather along with some of the elders nearly caused the death of your son's girlfriend, my daughter, through abuse, hypocrisy, anger, lack of self-control, apathy and ignorance. They were working on destroying the younger two when I intervened with the help of the worldly authorities . . . " I told her how the PO and the elders in their mother's congregation ignored the abuse and failed to report it, while disregarding my position as their father because I was df'd. How the PO told one of my kids that coming to live with me, because I was df'd, would put her in spiritual danger. I told her how my youngest daughter, only 12 yo, is suffering and being treated for severe depression and Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. Finally I said, "with all do respect to you and your son, I will never, ever, come back to the org and I am strongly encouraging my kids not to get baptized into it as well. I will not allow them get baptize as long as they are minors and I will really become unpleasant, say if someone like you or Carl, began pressuring my daughter to serve in the organization when she is only 17 and shouldn't be dealing with such matters until she figures out what she wants and who she is. Then it has to be for her to decide without pressure, guilt or shame, and without the condition of their love and relationshio being dependent on being a JW. That would be coercion, and we cando without it. I was told way back when, that, I would never see adulthood in this system of things, that I would never have children in this world. Well here I am, 37 just like you, I have my kids and I am responsible for them and to them when it comes to protecting them. Right now, as I see it, the organization and their mother is biggest threat to them today. They will never say to me, ' Dad, where were you when things were so terrible?'"
She spoke of some of her challenges in times past with some in the org, but a change of congregations did the trick for her. Edited to add: She hates that so many JW parents think that it is only the other kids in the congregation that do bad things and get into trouble. She hates that some parents, especially elder parents are so hard on their kids over any little infraction. I agreed and knew what kid in particular she was talking about. Casey. He is 17 and has a crush on my middle daughter. They talk on the phone alot and sometimes hang out, but she does not like him the same. I feel so sorry for that kid and know that when he turns 18 he will be long gone for sure.
I said, "The rules of the org are the same in every congregation. I cannot come back because it would bother my conscience to be carrying on a lie. Most of all, I could not be the advocate for my children that I have become if I had to play by their rules. They (the kids) are alive and getting better, in my estimation, because I have stood up on there behalf, which means taking a stand against the WTBTS. Besides, I could not walk into the Kingdom Hall or go out in service after having called my exwife "a nuerotic bitch" or after telling the PO he is "an ignorant prick". Atleast one of my kids would be dead if I had to play by the organization's rules and go along with everything they say without question. That is insanity."
She was just a bit shaken after hearing my position. She was not that shaken, however. We hung up the phone expressing our desire to ensure the best interests of our kids. She was so cool and delightful, after all. This is weird because she does not shutter at my apostasy or my words spoken against the organization, almost as if she knows exactly what I am talking about. She does not forbid her son to come over here either, but even gives her OK for him to spend the night since he has become a part of the family, provided the sleeping arrangements are appropriate. She says that my daughter is welcome to spend the night at her home as well, with all propriety and such (which she actually did last night).
What the hell is happening here? LOL. This is not the reaction of your average JW, that's for sure.
Corvin