Hi everyone, I just wanted to sorta introduce myself and ask for some help...I've been lurking here for a while, I'm a 3rd generation witness, but thankfully never got baptized as I never liked being told what to do! I've been fading for a good while now, ever since I moved out 7 years ago, only going to meetings and the memorial sporatically, of course with my mom and grandmother constantly pushing me to go back etc, etc, ETC! 3 years ago I married a non jw, and I have a son who will be 2 soon, ever since I had him I kept feeling so guilty that I wasn't "doing the right thing" by him, and that if Jehovah was going to judge him on my "works" then we both would be fried, that is such a horrible thought as a parent... Anyway, I happened to do a search about who knows what approx. a month ago, and stumbled upon here, I've been lurking and I went into chat a few days ago once I made my "final decision" as I call it. In my heart of hearts, I know I'm doing the right thing, what's best for my family and for my son, not subjecting him to the isolation and the mind numbing hours of studying and going to the hall and so on and so forth, and I've gathered so much insight reading the posts here, clearly there are LOTS of things that do not add up in the organization...and yet, I still have a voice in my head screaming "you're doing the wrong thing, you know this is the TRUTH", but yet I DON'T! If that makes any sense??? Logically it is all crap, but I've been around it for 26 years, and all that brainwashing just I guess doesn't go away, I guess I should ask does it ever go away??? I was feeling very confident about my decision but dreading telling my mom's family, at the same time I'm planning a birthday party for my son-lots of conflicting emotions. I don't know if I can even enjoy this party, part of me just feels like I just have to force myself to do it.... So I have been ok, until my mom came to visit this weekend, I honestly intended to hide all of my thoughts for a bit longer, but we ended up being up till 4 am last night "talking" I brought up my reservations on the UN issue, the child abuse, the lack of teaching kids to become individuals, 1914, and to which I met all kinds of excuses and "I'll look more into this and get back to you", on the 1914 thing, she flat out told me she wasn't good with the date stuff, but yet I guess she just buys into it because someone else tells her it's right!?!?!? Then she asked where I was getting all my info "from the internet?" while rolling her eyes, I told her YES, she mumbled something about apostates using OLD MATERIAL that has been corrected, and I was I asked her doesn't she ever wonder why they frown on anyone doing research on the religion and other religions encourage it, if they're right why would they mind if you checked it out for yourself???? TO which I got the "you must watch for bad association" comment along w/ Satan putting things like this into people's minds to deceive people... I didn't sleep last night, the last thing I left her with was saying "don't ever let those people at the kh look at you with pity because my sister and I aren't doing what their version of the right thing is, you hold your head up high that you raised two children who are independent thinkers and who are HAPPY". I just couldn't hear "BUT I KNOW IT IS THE TRUTH" one more time without screaming... She left this morning, I got a phone call after their meeting today saying what a good meeting it was and how I should've been there cause it was about Jesus warning that dark people would try to cause people to stray "how I should've been there", sigh, I'm sometimes afraid of "what if they're right?" but overwhelmingly I can never go back, I don't want to go back...is this the only relationship I will have with her now??? I don't think she would shun me (well maybe when she figures out we will be doing holidays), but what kind of relationship is that if everytime she will just harp on and on about her "truth" and tell me I should call my grandma, my grandma btw is the shining example of a witness-71 y.o and still pioneering away, so you can just imagine, my mom is hoping she will straighten me out.... I was so hoping there was some common sense, something that would cause her to go, wait maybe I should question this, instead of thinking somehow a demon is convincing me to think this way (because that is SO rational to believe)... I don't want to hurt her, and lets face it, if you still believed what the JW's teach, then you know what she must believe is going to happen to both of her children and her only grandchild... Anyway I'm sorry I got so long winded, it's so nice to find a place where people can relate and understand, my dh is very understanding but he was never in the witness thing so he can't totally get me, I'm lucky to have my sister, I guess I need more of a support system, that the guilt of leaving will subside one day, right???? Meanwhile I'll be here repeating over and over "you're doing the right thing", and trying to ignore the what if they are right voice, am I the only one???
I'm new, where to start...
by Quietly Patient 13 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Lady Lee
Well first welcome to the forum
next
Actually it does go away. It just takes time and doing exactly what you are doing - having a life and finding out the real truth about the WTS.all that brainwashing just I guess doesn't go away, I guess I should ask does it ever go away
Something to think about
You are a father. Can you ever imagine that one day you would turn your son out of the house and your life because he doesn't do exactly what you want him to do, when you want him to do it? Is that loving? Can you then imagine that a loving God would do that to his children? And is that the kind of God you would want to serve?
Reality
The WTS is not God. The governing body do not represent a loving God who does not lie.
Whether you choose to believe in God still or find some other belief, the WTS bears none of the qualities of a God who is cited as being loving, kind, wise and just
Keep reading. The more you learn (all that information that was forbidden) the free-er you will be.
-
Urbanparadise
Hi QP & welcome!!
I read your post with interest. Your experience is similar to so many others on this board so I'm sure you'll soon be making friends and getting a lot of support.
Going by what you've written, you know that you're making the right decisions and, imho, I think you are too.
The very fact that you have this war going on in your head - "I'm doing the right thing?" "What if they are right?" - proves that they are nothing more than a mind controlling cult!!
Keep reassuring yourself. It can be hard to take a stand but your conscience will be clear and your life will be free.
Urban
-
seeitallclearlynow
Hello, Quietly Patient, and welcome to this forum.
All the negatives of the Watchtower indoctrination pretty much go away, and become no problem personally. Your family connections, well, that is specific to each person!
But the more you study and read, both the Bible (not the New World Translation) and other works of all sorts, the easier it will be for your mind to let go of all the controlling nonsense you've been subjected to because of association with Jehovah's Witnesses. You need to read the Bible even if you don't believe in it because it will help you to see how incorrectly the Witnesses "interpret" the scriptures, and seeing this will further help you to detach yourself in confidence.
There's an awful lot of good information in the links section of this site; see it at the bottom of the main screen.
Stick around here and have fun with us!
-
SixofNine
Welcome to the forum QP. I'm sure you'll be past those old Kingdom Hall demons in no time. Meanwhile, here is a forum-warming gift for you:
I know you will enjoy and can make good use of this pair-of-graphs
-
Maverick
Welcome QP. Yes the WTS/BS does fade after a while if you actively imput non-JW thoughts into it. Why do you think the WTS hates for young people to go to college? Maverick The truth stands tall, only the lie seeks to suppress.
-
cruzanheart
Welcome, Quietly Patient! Yes, it will get better. I had the same feelings when I left, but one of the reasons I left was because I decided that if living forever meant being with those incredibly unloving, judgmental, hypocritical Pharisees, then I didn't want to be in that so-called "Paradise." So I started living each day instead of looking ahead to the Witness future, and I found that each day was beautiful! By not going to meetings, I had time to spend with my children and my husband. I noticed the beauty of each day, the really nice neighbors and co-workers I have, irregardless of religion, and I joined the PTA.
It's been a lovely couple of years and I look forward to many more. And I trust that God looks down on us and understands our heart motivation. I trust that parking my butt in a Kingdom Hall is not the ONLY way to salvation, whatever that may be. And I am grateful for my life now.
Nina
-
Bryan
all that brainwashing just I guess doesn't go away, I guess I should ask does it ever go away
QP,
Welcome and I look foreward to hearing more from you.
It took me about 5 years to get that little devil out of the back of my head. It does go away... just be Patient.
Bryan
-
garybuss
Welcome Quietly,
The teaching that your minor child is going to be murdered by god because you do not distribute religious literature written by an attorney is called the "family merit" doctrine. It may help you to do some research on this doctrine as it helped me.
The Watch Tower Publishing Corporation is a book printing and distribution business that establishes or replaces core human beliefs for it's own economic benefit. Some like me who were raised by Witness parents have had to challenge our core beliefs one by one. Those are often identified as our assumptions. Start with the English language with a good dictionary. We have the wrong definitions to many words memorized.
I look forward to reading more of your posts. GaryB -
Emma
Welcome to the forum!
Your fears and second-guessing will go away, but it may take time. Is there something deep inside you telling you you just can't be a jw? That's the voice that is your lifeline. When I left the org I still felt "they" were right, I was not doing my kids any favors, and it was scary to think I was responsible for their destruction. The indroctrination was cemented by more than forty years of wts life. It took another six years, at least, before I knew their teachings were wrong.
Keep reading on the forum, do some research, read "Crisis of Conscience." Having this place as a support and source of information will hasten your ability to leave past thoughts behind.
Emma
