ex-sisters married to elders, please share your experience........

by Sunnygal41 10 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sunnygal41

  I know some of you had awful experiences, but, what I'm curious about is how "involved" with the Society's direction was your elder husband? Let me use my ex as an example of what I'm looking for:

  Elders were constantly encouraged to have a family study, share the text with their wife and family, and study for the meetings, etc. However, my ex never even read the magazines that came in the mail!!! What is more irritating to me is that I tried to take the lead in the things he was supposed to........I'd get the text in the am and read it out loud to him. I'd read the magazines and share interesting points with him. I'd look thru the KM and again, share stuff with him. These are just a few quick examples of the countless ways I took the lead in our house. However, because he was a good public speaker, and outgoing at the KH, he got credit for being a WONDERFUL brother/elder! Here I was, starving spiritually, going down the tubes, and he was looked upon as this sensitive, spiritual brother! To make things even worse, because I cut my hair short, I got called "Brother Perry" by other wise ass, insecure elders in our congregation. The same ones that I had approached for insight and help in getting the REAL "Brother Perry" to get off his lazy spiritual ass and work on building his household up, instead of the congregation. When I look back on those times, it makes my blood boil still. I guess the thread by Gumby about showing love really triggered those old, unhappy feelings I used to have..........and, makes me glad all over that I am out and free from him and those brainwashed idiots!

  Terri
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  Stefanie

  Were we married to same prick? Mine had a small d***!

  He was probably cut from the same cloth. Except mine took me for granted. He thought the rule of not looking at other womans boobs and asses didnt apply to him. I didnt care if he did it when i wasnt looking, but come on man we would be out like a family with the kids and he would be staring at some girls tits! Then he would give the baptismal talk. Good thing I dumped his ass.
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  Sunnygal41

  Stef, mine didn't, but, he rarely used it........he had many many hangups..........

  So, I guess you and I are the only ones who want to talk about this stuff?

  Terri
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  shotgun

  Terri and Stef....I know how to cheer you up http://www.geocities.com/architeuthismaris/bravowavs/hotmama.wav
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  Sunnygal41

  Shotgun, thanks, we needed that! You're the best!
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  Lady Lee

  Well I was married to the society man. When the WTS said have a study once a week with your family - he did it. When they said read the text daily he made sure we read that text together. When we were told to pray believe me he had us prayin.

  And then he was off to do all those other responsibilities leaving me to deal with the kids and everything else. At the hall he did help out and watch the kids while I was interpreting. But then he was also the one who would sit there and abuse the kids in their seat so they wouldn't move.

  To everyone else he looked like the perfect elder who cared for both his family and the congregation. He actually put a lot of effort into his talks (in the days when all they got was an outline). And he really did read every piece of info the WTS put out.

  I have no idea how he managed to reconcile the abuse and neglect on us with the standards he imposed and tried to live up to. I suppose cognitive dissonance at its finest. He really was oblivious to the problems that he was causing or making worse. He took no responsibility for the problems or the failure of the marriage which is probably why the second wife left him too. (Watch out he is on the hunt for wife #3)
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  yesidid

  Hi Terri,
  

  I am sorry you had an unhappy marriage.

  Are you wanting us to share our experiences.........or are you wanting only negative experiences.

  If the latter is the case I cannot help.

  As an elder my husband was not, nor is he now, hypocritical, duplicitous, deceitful, insincere, or two faced.

  He was then, and is now, a genuine, loving, sincere, affectionate, warm, caring, devoted, reliable, gentle, compassionate, helpful, hardworking gentleman, who has, for almost fifty years, been the love of my life.

  yesidid
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  seeitallclearlynow

  yesidid got one of the really good men! That's good to know. I know there are some good men in the Org. and everywhere else.

  But, in support of this thread, I must admit that my ex was a cross between Sunnygal's, Stefanie's and Lady Lee's husbands. Total Society male, not in any way a family person. Useless as a mate or parent, except he did study with the kids. Nothing "normal" though. No time for normal family activities. Straight into his study as soon as he got home, to the gym, ate dinner, never helped before, during or after meals, back into the study, door closed, then to bed.

  Of course we went places as a family, but rarely just us, and he always separated from us as soon as we got wherever we were going.

  Empty shell of a family life. Empty shell of a human being.

  Was he popular at the KH?? YOU BET.
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  Lady Lee

  seeitall you reminded me of our vacations - hell

  One year he told us (he he told us - no family agreement) that we were going to visit Georgetown Bethel and then go to Niagara Falls. The kids were thrilled with the Niagara Falls piece because he also said marine Land and lots of cool stuff.

  So off we went - 1 week at bethel and...... then he wanted to go home. He had meetings and study - lordy the man was addicted to the WTS stuff. (And yes be brought his meeting bag crammed full og Bibles and study material and we had the family study and WT study on vacations).

  Well we were driving in the car after the Bethel visit and he starts telling me he wants to go home. Huh!!!! you can't promise something like the Falls and Marine Land to little kids. I told him if he wanted to go home he could take the bus but I was not going to let them down on the vacation to the Falls and Marine land.

  So he turned the car around and we went but instead of a week we stayed one night. The Falls one day and Marine land the next

  Same thing would happen with camping trips - after a week he needed to get home
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  blondie

  As an elder my husband was not, nor is he now, hypocritical, duplicitous, deceitful, insincere, or two faced.

  He was then, and is now, a genuine, loving, sincere, affectionate, warm, caring, devoted, reliable, gentle, compassionate, helpful, hardworking gentleman, who has, for almost fifty 13 years, been the love of my life.

  yesidid, my husband too wasn't infected by the hype for men or elders. But it grated on him to see sisters/women treated and talked of badly. It was no wonder that the sisters, even brothers, sought him out for counsel and support. But he could not play the game and stepped down.

  Being an elder does not make a man bad, being an elder makes a bad man worse.

  Blondie (hoping we get 50 years together)