Just a little piece of me!

by VeniceIT 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    I just got to thinking (scary I know), who am I??? I mean really. We are the people we are because of what we’ve been through and the experiences we’ve had, but what if everything I we lived was fake?? I mean I really feel like I was living in the Truman show. Everything I ever believed was a sham, everyone I ever knew and loved, loved me conditionally. It was dependent on the fact that I lived this sham. In the movie he had real friends, and a wife, and yet the second he threatened they’re way of life, they turned on him. When he found out it was all fake, he was soo lost. Because WHO he was his IDENTITY was formed by fake events, fake beliefs even his feelings were manipulated.

    What brought this on I guess was I got an email from a friend from school yesterday. And I’ve just recently gotten back in contact with, and told what happened. He of course knew me as a devout JW, and was quite shocked. I guess what I’m wondering is have I changed??? I know I have in some areas, but it’s rather odd not really knowing, kind of like everything is new because I don’t know how I feel about it. ‘I’ have to be the one that decides things, not anyone else, not a group of old men. And I don’t have to make my decisions on how it will affect all the other young ones, I don’t have to worry about gossip and slander. It’s very strange, there’s a whole new world out there.

    I guess it’s just weird because I had everything figured out, and locked in. And now I realize that everything I do affects something or someone. I’ve realized how much just a smile or a kind comment can mean. I’ve learned not to take things for granted like I used to, and not to assume things either. Fortunately (well I’ll leave that up to you) I’ve managed to keep my sense of humor, which is rather dry so I’m sorry if I offend anyone!!! If you WONDER if it was meant to offend then it wasn’t it was a joke. Because If I’m ticked you won’t have ANY doubts, how’s that for a disclaimer!!!

    It’s just so weird to have to start over and reevaluate EVERYTHING and why I feel the way I do about people and things. I think I know who I am NOW!!! But who in the heck was I all those years!!! You know I mean it’s just weird to think that it was all a deck of cards. That my whole life was a sham, that my friendships and family were conditional. Conditional on a destructive mind control cult. What’s really hard for me is thinking of my little cousin and niece being raised that way. Living a lie! Not getting to know they’re aunt and grandparents. What a waste of their tiny little lives. Knowing all that I went through growing up, because of who Dad was and the problems he had.

    Some kids hated me simply because they’re dad hated my dad because he wasn’t an elder and my dad was. Others because there was a lot more involved. On two separate occasions dad had to haul CO’s in Before DO’s and counsel the CO’s. It’s incredible the jealousy and backbiting that happens in such a ‘spiritual paradise’. I’ve been through a lot as a JW. I’ve had a lot of health problems over the last 8 years do to emotional stress. And then to find out there was NO point to any of it AAAHHHHH!!!!! It just kills me that my niece will go through all that too if they stay in, because my brother-in-law will probably be an elder soon. He’s 4th JW with close to 50 JW relatives in the area, and I know what she’ll go through, the pain, the guilt, and the lies. I just hope they get out soon while she’s still young.
    HAHHA sorry this got so long I was just thinking on paper again. And my poor finger hurts typing because I slammed it in the door. Ohh well I just kinda felt like sharing what was on my mind. I KNOW each and everyone of YOU here have gone through this too, I know I’m not alone, but I just felt like expressing myself.

    Luv ya,

    Ven

  • sf
    sf

    Thanks for "sharing"!

    hahahahahaha, love you too tom!!

    I love ya Ven, love me!!!

  • Introspection
    Introspection

    Hi Ven, I imagine this is a question that goes through the mind of many here as they leave. I think realistically we change all the time, it's just that moving from being a JW to not being one is a big change because the beliefs are very rigid, so much so that one's thinking process is shut down because all you have to do is follow a set of rules instead of figuring things out for yourself.

    I think being overly identified with some name, belief or practice is not healthy. Even JWs recognize this to an extent, I remember one CO saying JW kids should never tell others they don't celebrate holidays because they are Jehovah's Witnesses. After all, that's not really a reason. For all the JWs say against pride, tradition and idolatry, it's evident to me they have their share. This can be with all kinds of things, it just so happens with a lot of stuff it's pretty much harmless. But to me it just shows that you have to make sure things make sense for yourself, and not be a part of it just because you belong in some way.

    "It is not so much that you use your mind wrongly--you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease."--Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Well..........I can't say whether you've changed or not, since I didn't know you before. But, the personality I have seen would have caused lots of trouble as a JW!! So, I assume you are much freer with your expressions now, and more independent too.

    My little ones just got here, so I have to go. Talk later, doll babe.
    Marilyn

  • Outaservice
    Outaservice

    We know what you're going through Venice. Welcome to the 'human race'! As you discard WT 'baggage' over time, I'll bet you are finding you have a 'heart' for people and are beginning to like people more, instead of your previous training of being 'suspicious and judgemental' of everyone.

    And you'll realize that there are a lot of things out there that there just isn't an answer for. But thats the 'real' world. You're just 'deprograming' yourself and all things are proceeding as 'normal'!

    Blessings on you,

    Outaservice

  • Roamingfeline
    Roamingfeline

    Yep, Outaservice is right, Ven. What you're going through is a normal process. Any of us who have been out for a few years can identify with where you're at. Big hugs, you're doing fine girl, and I love your spirit! I bet the Smelders hated it though.

    Hugs,
    RCat

  • Cautious
    Cautious

    Hi Venice

    Thanks for sharing - I didn't know before I found this board that other people felt the same as I did. It is hard to do, but great to be a part of humanity again.

    I also didn't know you before, but I'd have to take a guess that you have changed - I saw those SL posters .

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Hi again,
    I can finish this now, and bring it back to the top, all in one fell swoop. Or is it "one swell foop"?

    Can you imagine me, the sweet little obedient, submissive, elder's wife? I can barely imagine it now, myself. Anymore than I can imagine you as the submissive, obedient, meek little pioneer sister. But, I am sure your personality came through loud and clear. I just cannot picture you at the door, with your bookbag being seriously presenting literature, without a LOUD "WAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I'm sure everyone on this board, who has gotten to know you here, will agree with me. But I know you did it, and were very successful too.

    You are no doubt finding your non-cult personality now, and loving it. I am so happy for you, that you got out when you were so young. I had to find out the truth of things at age 50!! Booooo. I would give anything to have learned it at your age. So many differences in my life and my children's lives. Oh well. I didn't.

    Oh, and about the Fake comments you made: It WAS all fake. Every last bit of it. I agree with you about hoping your family learns it soon. I think they will. And yes, the love is conditional, from all the dyed in the wool JW's. But, I have found, that not all of them are like that, and those ones are more free thinking. It's just that many of the ones we were all close to, were just like us, and very irritatingly strict!!

    You are just a delight and I miss you terribly. Come back, come back!! Can't wait to see you all in August.....camping, and laughing and WAHAHAHAHAHA!!
    Marilyn

  • VeniceIT
    VeniceIT

    Ya I guess I was a good pioneerm althought truth be told I did crack up at the door a bit, especially if I was with my sis. HAHHA I can't imagine going to the meetings again though HOW did I do it all those years??? Last meeting I went to was Aug 1st 2000, and it was the night after our Elders meeting, we hadn't been to the hall since april and dad had been df'd in June. We went just to say goodbye I guess though no one knew it at the time. As we sat there we were like OMG where the meetings always like this??? Mom turned to me with one of our fav quotes, 'I see his lips moving but all I hear is blah blah blah blah blah' HAHAHHA we about died laughing at that.

    We always did manage to laugh during most every meeting, and we laughed a lot in service, but I'd NEVER ever be able to do it again!!!

    Miss you too Mulan, I really wish you could meet my sister, you'd love her!!!! She's a lot more ummm reserved then I am, but when we get together we always make a scene HAHHAHA dang I miss her, I miss that!!! as TR says CULTS SUCK!!

    Ven

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    I would love to meet your sister. I always assumed she was more like your Dad. 'deadly serious'........sometimes, but still an awful lot of fun to be with. Everyone needs a 'straight man', right?

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