My bizarre last few days...

CeriseRose

So I basically spent last week hibernating with my English lit books and studying. I had 3 essays to finish (one left and I'm slacking horridly on it) and my final exam last Saturday (I think I did reallly well! yay!). Anyway, I started this week off kinda slow and mellow.

I do bookkeeping (very minimally and only for friends). The only person I've been 'working' for the last couple years is a JW friend. She and her elder hubby are the only two I actually 'talked' with on making my decision to leave JWs. She told me she still wanted me to do their books, as it was business and 'okay'. She was supposed to come over on Monday. Well plans changed and it was today and then got changed again to Friday and next Tuesday. I have not and probably won't tell her I'm dating my boyfriend, as it's really not her business and she knows he's a friend anyway so even if I 'slip' up and talk about him it's not a biggie. (Yes, maybe not the most honest of me, but there's reason for it, which I don't necessarily want to get into here.) When I left the JWs I'd told her I saw myself going back. Now, with what I know, I don't ever see that happening. Part of me wants to 'witness' to her about what I've learned but am soooo not sure if I should. I mean, what if it cuts off all communication? She's the type who I think would see through all the BS in the org...I just don't know if or how I should proceed. That's a ponderance.

So Monday night I was home, doing my usual evening stuff, watching the hockey playoffs. The phone rings...which it hardly ever does unless it's my boyfriend, and since he and I were on instant messaging together, I figured it wasn't him. Well it was my JW sis. She hasn't spoken to me since before I DA'd (all our communication around that was done via email and instant messages). So of course, I go into panic mode because it must be a family emergency. In the 2 seconds from registering her number on the call display to picking it up, I'd braced myself for all sorts of horrors to her, her hubby or my 14 month old nephew (not to mention the extended family).

She was calling to see if they'd left their Finding Nemo DVD here in December. I said no, that I'd mail it to her if I did...but I'd cleaned the house like crazy and hadn't seen it. That was the end of the convo. Part of me was immediately mad...while part of me saw through it completely. I mean, that's something you email about, especially if you're not supposed to be in contact. And possibly violating your relationship with God over a $20 DVD? So I know it's because she just wanted to talk to me. Her hubby works nights so I'm pretty sure he wasn't home. She was probably lonely and missing me and came up with this 'excuse'.

I'm so ticked at the WTS for this.

Then, not 1/2 hour later my aunt calls me. She's my late Father's sis and probably the closest to me in temperament. It's my Grandparents' 50th Anniversary this year and she was letting me know about the party in the summer. So, since she knew about me not being a JW any longer, we talked about that quite a bit...as well as my boyfriend (which she was really happy about) and I informed her about my sis not being 'allowed' to talk to me (which she said was 'stupid'). It was a convo that made me feel better, but not overly.

I feel like I'm not done. Like I need to get everyone else out of this cult too. But I really don't know how to proceed. It's like the huge revelation that was the 'truth' when I learned it has turned into a huge revelation that it's a cult. Part of me is exhausted at the thought of fighting for it. Another part of me knows it has to be done.

I just don't know how to start or what 'tactic' to use first. Thoughts?

Nina

"Living well is the best revenge."

It also helps get people out of WT.

Nina

CeriseRose

You know, it's funny, but I went to a lot of effort to make sure my house was cleaned up and to make sure they both have known that I'm doing good. Not just 'okay', but good.

I hope that works.

boa

hi ceriserose again

Although there will likely be someone post here with all the right links - bottom line is that there is a ton of info on this site with the search but perhaps even easier is randy waters site http://www.freeminds.org/index.html

Nina said

"Living well is the best revenge."

and I say :

boa

CeriseRose

oh, excellent! thanks for the link.

shotgun

Ceriserose

I have found in my own efforts and by talking to many others that it is better if they bring up the topics to you. I have managed to build an unintentional wall between all my family and friends which now causes them to immedietly block all reasonable thought when they perceive any threat to their beliefs.

There are a couple things on freeminds which could help but it's very tricky and nearly impossible for someone who has exposed their disbelief in the org or Da'd like you did...

It's not impossible but baby steps are required..

Your neighbour shotgun

Carmel

When I visited my pedophile brother in prison it became apparent to him that although he was never censored by the Witlesses, none of them showed any concern for him personally, but I did. Living a life of compassion and virve will not only suit you in all your aspirations, it will send a message to your family that is hard to refute.

carmel, wishing you the best

bebu

(((Cerise)))

Your problem is one we're all dealing with, I think!

Approaches vary, because people are all different. But if you determine to act kindly, to listen patiently, to answer honestly, to bring out the contradictions without being confrontive to them... to somehow help them feel non-threatened by keeping the issue something you are both sharing observations about... I believe they will listen (at least subconsciously) more carefully to you.

Live well, but also live out a better form of love for them. That's hard to ignore, too.

bebu

myauntfanny

I think that being as kind, warm and compassionate as possible is probably the best route (with boundaries against being witnessed to, of course). I think that in itself can plant seeds of doubt, because JWs are actually pretty cold and unkind to each other a lot of the time, in my experience. I have found that any kind of logic or reason is absolutely ineffective and pointless. I wonder if there are any exes on here that left because someone reasoned with them?

Markfromcali

I feel like I'm not done. Like I need to get everyone else out of this cult too. But I really don't know how to proceed. It's like the huge revelation that was the 'truth' when I learned it has turned into a huge revelation that it's a cult. Part of me is exhausted at the thought of fighting for it. Another part of me knows it has to be done.
I just don't know how to start or what 'tactic' to use first. Thoughts?

Your desire to get everyone out comes from compassion, but don't become lost in a kind of project mindset. It would be inefficient if nothing else to approach this as a fight or a struggle, but rather just be aware of opportunities that might arise.

The thing is even if you do get people to leave based on some set of information or a certain approach, this is mostly limited to the intellect and is not exactly a conscious process. What I mean by that is people can see through specific beliefs, but it's another matter altogether to see through the process of believing - that is basically just buying what someone else tells you. You might think that's something that's pretty simple, but that's essentially what's going on. So as far as that goes it is far more useful to pose questions (but not as a tactic, just naturally as it arises spontaneously) which might even be unanswered, because at this level we're not dealing with information processing, which will only take you from one thought to another, but one starts becoming aware of the behavior of the mind. But ideally a healthy process would also include the emotions of course, and one would be able to put it all in perspective instead of just being broken hearted at having arrived at an unpleasant realization. When you can come to understand through an emotionally charged issue, then the intellectual part naturally follows.

When you get right down to it, you also have to consider whether they really want to know the truth about the Truth. Some people just want that security blanket, others are in it for social reasons. Not everyone really wants the truth.

My bizarre last few days...

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