Too Good To Be True Yearbook Experiences

by Nosferatu 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Nosferatu

  Allright everyone, do you remember some of the yearbook experiences, or yearbook worthy ones about how a bible study was started? Then you get JWs trying to copy the examples, such as pretending to read an Awake magazine on a bus, hoping someone will ask, "What are you reading that's so interesting?" or leaving tracts in chain link fences, hoping someone will pull it out and look at it.

  Give some of the lame experiences you've heard, you've experienced, or make one up. Just make sure you indicate whether it's fake or not.
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  DebraDoll

  A woman who practiced "SPIRITISM" (~~ooooooh~~) was so overwhelmed by depression, chaos, and longing for the "true" religion. She asked her Ouija board for help, by pleading "Who has the true religion?" Guess what the "evil" board, propelled by only those "afraid of Jehovah's name," told her?!? You got it! "Jehovah's Witnesses!" As fate would have it they came a-knockin that very day! Now, as a 14 year old hearing this, and having spent endless nights awake, praying 8 hrs straight alone, terrified of demons (I have been left disappointed in the many years after I got out that they never visited me afterall, despite my continued invitations!) I was beyond confused. Here, as I was told, was J "using an evil implement (he is strongerthan the demons you know) to get word to her." Hmmmm.....now, either the demons were having a big joke on her, or, they aren't evil if JW's WERE the true religion, or it is actually the real angels of light who communicate through the Ouija, or,... it was endless for me. I believe none of the above anyway, but thought I would share that insanity with you. They shared that bull shit at an assembly, in the late 70's, at Monroe NY too. ICK!
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  Nosferatu

  One night, Axl Rose, the lead singer from Guns N Roses, was sitting in a local bar having a drink. He temporarily went to the restroom. When he returned, he found the "True Peace and Security" tract laying on his table beside his drink. Axl became touched by the message, and promptly wrote to the Society, requesting a home bible study. He was baptized at the "Pure Language" convention in 1990, and Brother Rose is now a regular Pioneer in the full time ministry, putting in over 80 hours a month. "I have nothing but thanks to give to the mysterious person who left that life-altering tract on my table" says Brother Rose. "I was able to give up drinking, because of the love I felt for Jehovah God. I also realized that the music business is hollow and empty. My life has a new purpose, devoting my life to serving the one true God!"

  Of course, I made that up.
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  Undecided

  This one is true. My dad called on a home and talked with a lady for quite a while and she seemed interested. He called back and started a BS and later she told him he had saved her husband's life. She had put explosives in his car to go off when he stated his car. She went out after my dad's visit and removed the bomb. I don't remember how it all ended, whether she became a JW or not.

  Ken P.
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  Sunspot

  I don't recall any specific "experiences" but I DO remember the syrupy Service Meeting parts that we used to sit through after the newest Yearbook would come out.

  You know the "inspirational" stories where old sisters used to trek over hills and mountains, wade through shark-infested waters and arrive in time to their open-aired Kingdom Halls to sit on straw mats and swat huge insects.........to praise their Watchtowergod, and turn around to make the return trip to their village.

  And everyone was SOOOO awed by these stories, vowing never to complain ever again for having to gulp a meal down every meeting night and having to sit through a boring meeting when you were dead tired while you dragged yourselves to the rest rooms with tired and cranky toddlers, etc.

  WE were GRATEFUL for all Jehovah had provided..........weren't we?

  hugs,

  Annie
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  Odrade

  does anyone remember hearing that one spooky story about the crippled old whitehaired woman in the nursing home. She was visited in the ministry (evidently they were calling on nursing homes...) by the circuit overseer. After calling on her and reading some scriptures she started standing straighter and as she studied her hair grew back in black and she became uncrippled. It was the deeeemonz all along that were making her like an old woman, but really she was kind of young.

  Oh reeeaally??? I was told this one by a circuit overseer's wife who evidently believed that many of the old infirm people in the nursing homes were really just legions of demons in disguise. I find it even less likely that demons would enjoy hanging out in nursing homes than in old lamps at garage sales. Anyways, that one has stuck in my mind for years, though it wasn't in a yearbook.
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  Jonty Parkin

  “A brother who was working aboard on business was travelling home on a privately chartered airplane. Because the brother was a zealous proclaimer of truth, he always carried with him a plentiful supply of brochures and magazines with him, even when travelling on business. Unfortunately, the plane developed engine trouble whilst flying over a tropical rainforest and crashed in the jungle. Sadly, both the pilot and the brother were killed in the crash.

  However, the magazines and brochures were dispersed by the impact of the crash across a large are of rainforest, miraculously intact! These were later found by baboons, chimpanzees and other assorted primates who, although being unable to read, were able to deduce from the beautiful illustrations of man and beast living together in harmony, the truth of the forthcoming paradise. Understanding this in their own limited way, they even began using the brochures, augmented by simple sign and body languge, witnessing to other creatures, such as tigers and snakes.

  The result? The Society are pleased to announce that, with the help of representatives from the WTBTS, there are now two thriving congregations of primates in the vicinity, all of whom are being taught to communicate effectively with sign language!”

  This is a 100% fake experience (fabricated by myself when I was a humble, wise and loving overseer), to ridicule and silence my overbearing ex-mother in law who wanted to know what we talked about at the Kingdom Ministry School for Elders!
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  DanTheMan

  Jonty, that is hilarious
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  Huxley

  "One of our dear young brothers was horsing around in his elementary school classroom, when he saw the opportunity for a fine witness.

  It seems that all the kids were throwing pencils at each other as well as spit wads, and small pieces of fruit.

  This youngster decided to make some paper airplanes out of tracts he always carried with his school books. He threw a few of them at his fellow students, but upon seeing his teacher enter the room, he offered up a quick prayer to Jehovah.

  This teacher had persecuted this young brother by encouraging him to color pumpkins, and make turkeys from construction paper for Thanksgiving. But our young brother kept his integrity, and never compromised his faith.

  He prayed that his paper airplane tract would fly like a smooth stone from David's sling and strike this "Goliath" with the good news.

  Unfortunately the sharp ended paper airplane tract lodged itself in the teacher's eye.

  Rather than view this as a set back, this fine youth was able to visit the teacher in the hospital and share the Kingdom hope of perfect vision that he looked forward to in the new order. The teacher had a hearing ear, became an elder, and citing old testament biblical law, stoned the young brother to death.
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  Huxley

  Forgot to add that that was from the "Huxley's Best" 2004 Yearbook of wiseass witness kidz...

  Huxley