The "What If" Game (page 15)

Meditation would become masturbation.

What if you were Tom Jones?

Then I'd find a way to stretch a couple of mediocre pop hits into a 40 year career.

Speaking of mediocre pop hits, what if you were the first one to ask "Scooby Doo, where are you?"

Then I would hear "RUH Roh!"

What if Sid Vicious was still alive?

Then he'd probably be dating a different Nancy ... perhaps Nancy Kerrigan or Nancy Reagan.

What if the sky clears up & it doesn't rain today?

I'd have to get off my lazy butt, get some gas for the lawn mower and do some gardening.

What if you mowed my lawn for me?

Wishful thinking!

What if you were a poor fire hydrant and you saw a dog running toward you?

Then I'd remove one of my caps & blast the dog! Paybacks are a bitch.

What if you could push a button on your remote control and zap yourself into a TV show or movie that you were watching (a la Pleasantville)?

Then, Move outta the way Sarah Jessica Parker, I would be the new star of SEX IN THE CITY!!!

What if animals could talk???

Then there would be a lot of nervous ranch hands in Montana paying "hush money" to the sheep.

What if dolphins could walk?

Then they would need to find another use for their Blow-hole....

What if sex organs were on top of our heads?

The "What If" Game