What is really the most disturbing thing to me is that I really do feel that I was brainwashed in those 20 + years in the Org--I mean seriously brainwashed. I am not an idiot, but there were times that I look back on now where I was a radical JW, though this is not really my personality to be such. I remember after assemblies (while greatly relieved it was over with aching back and all) I would feel different--sometimes I would start donating more money to the WT and at one point I seriously thought of puttingthe WT in my will. I tried to follow the rules the best I could even though at times it was making me ill to do so because it went so much against my grain.
Does anybody have a clue where they got their brainwashing tecniques from or how they developed them--it seems so powerful and purposeful--or am I just thinking conspiracy here? Once I pulled away and stopped going to meetings my head started to clear and many thoughts came rushing in on me--all those years of denial and stuffing things I had seen and been truly disturbed by. The thought of going into a KH now makes me feel very ill. Of course if I told any practicing JW that they would think that it is because God's holy spirit has left me now and I am no longer privleged to see "the truth" While I am now mentally out--emotionally I still respond to witness contact in a strange dreamlike way...It is almost like I go back into a trance when they start to talk with me in that theocratic language of theirs....it's so weird and disturbing to say the least...What do you think about the tecniques they used--do you think they were purposeful and adapted from studies on brainwashing?