I am so sad

by freein89 20 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

• 

  shotgun

  Deb...sorry for your pain

  My dad died when I was 28, it blew me away when I sobbed like a kid considering he was abusive and I had spent most of my life daydreaming of beating the crap out of him. It wasn't until I moved out that we started to have a somewhat normal relationship and now that was gone, seemed like we really only had a few years.

  I figured out later most of my grief was because I felt jipped for never having something so many take for granted, a dad they're proud of. I even felt guilty for feeling that way, when I spread his ashes in the places I knew he loved to go not one of my 4 brothers showed up. Guess they remembered the bruises and the fear too. My sister and I talk about him and why he was the way he was but my brothers have pretty much surpressed everything.

  If I were you and this will be difficult...talk to your x-husband, it may help him and them too if he initates a conversation in which he apolagizes for some of his past deeds and reafirms to them that he did love them a great deal. He may not even need to apolagize, just tell them he loves them and relive some of the special moments which were precious to both them and him. Memories which they can take with them after he's gone instead of guilt or hate.

  Once again sorry for the pain you feel inside and the pain you feel for your children.
• 

  nilfun

  I'm so sorry.
• 

  Puternut

  Deb,

  I am sorry to hear about your pains. This is a difficult time. Perhaps you can make the best of the time left.

  My abusive father died 2 years ago. He was df'd and I didn't have contact with him for 18 years. Before he died he came back into the borg, but was a vegetable. So I made the best of the remaining time until his death.

  Puternut
• 

  Maya

  ((Deb))...

  Get strength from us and relay the message..........

  We are with you.........
• 

  Special K

  ((((( DEB ))))))

  It sounds to me like you said all the right things so far.

  Draw closer together as you go through all this.

  I'm so sorry this is all happening to you

  sincerely

  Special K
• 

  justhuman

  ME TOO
• 

  Valis

  Hi Deb..It isn't easy losing people and is is equally hard to be a good father to your children sometimes. Whether it is by personal choice, circumstance, or a combination of those among other things. My condoloances for your family's loss and I thought maybe this poem was appropriate. Do take care and let us know how you are.

  Forgiving Our Fathers by Dick Lourie

  maybe in a dream: he's in your power
  you twist his arm but you're not sure it was
  he that stole your money you feel calmer
  and you decide to let him go free

  or he's the one (as in a dream of mine)
  I must pull from the water but I never
  knew it or wouldn't have done it until
  I saw the street-theater play so close up
  I was moved to actions I'd never before taken

  maybe for leaving us too often or
  forever when we were little maybe
  for scaring us with unexpected rage
  or making us nervous because there seemed
  never to be any rage there at all

  for marrying or not marrying our mothers
  for divorcing or not divorcing our mothers
  and shall we forgive them for their excesses
  of warmth or coldness shall we forgive them

  for pushing or leaning for shutting doors
  for speaking only through layers of cloth
  or never speaking or never being silent

  in our age or in theirs or in their deaths
  saying it to them or not saying it -
  if we forgive our fathers what is left

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  Sassy

  ahhh Deb, I am so sorry. I don't have words to express how bad I feel for you.
• 

  little witch

  (((((Deb and Family))))

  I am so sorry that you all have to deal with such a thing. Losing a parent is always painful, no matter how good or bad of a parent they were. In fact, losing a parent with whom one has a troubled past is perhaps even worse. Because there is not enough time to work those problems out, and the parent is gone, leaving behind their baggage for the loved ones to deal with. From a childs perspective (regardless of age), hope of reconciliation is suddenly out of reach.

  When my Father died recently, I fell to peices. We were never close, in fact, he hated me. What upset me the most was knowing that phone call would never come. He would never explain his actions toward me, or apologize.

  I hope things work out better for you and yours. Be assured that you are all in my thoughts and prayers.

  LW
• 

  cyber-sista

  Deb,

  Don't know what to say, but just wanted to send a little comfort your way,

  Love, cybs