Has anyone heard of the drama triangle?

by happehanna 10 Replies latest social relationships

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  happehanna

  I just realised I was in one. They aren't pleasant.

  I found myself rescuing the whole time and nagging the person involved. I have never nagged in my life and I dont want to start now.

  This isn't going to be easy but I know the relationship is not at all healthy and I have to get out. I have invested so much energy into this relationship and the returns were very small. It has made me feel bad about myself and I have lost my happiness. I hope this is going to be a temporary situation, and my love of life will return. Perhaps this relationship started on the rebound and was not going to last.

  Can relationships that have had this poor start be transformed into something new and healthier?
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  Lady Lee

  Can relationships that have had this poor start be transformed into something new and healthier?

  Only if BOTH people are committed to change and get therapy, individual and couples.

  Otherwise I think it is wise to save your sanity and move on.
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  blondie

  From my own experience, I second that.

  Blondie
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  Maverick

  The positives must outweight the negatives. A good goal is to try to find a person with LESS problems than you have! Ask yourself this, "After each encounter with this person, or persons, do I fell better or worse?" The answer will tell you what to do. Maverick
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  Gretchen956

  Are you getting your needs met? Everyone has "needs" and "wants" in their relationship criteria. Your needs are those things that cannot change, they are your values. They could be things like wanting to have children, or not wanting to have children; a certain spiritual belief system in common; treating you with respect. Wants are things that would be "nice" to have things. (it would be nice if he were rich.)

  Everyone should know what is on both of those lists. If you are entering into a relationship and it becomes apparent that they do not share your values, your needs, that sends up red flags. These are things that are going to make you very unhappy.

  Do an assessment before you even decide if you are both committed to any kind of change. Then, when you have your inevitable discussions, you can already verbalize what it is that the root causes of your problems are.

  Gretchen
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  baysixforme

  Eric Berne, originator of Transactional analysis describes three assumed roles in the drama triangle. Victim, Persctor an Rescuer. Each are roles that can be changed or suddenly switched.

  Litte Red Riding Hood for example, is a victim of the persecuting wolf until the hunter rescues her, she then becomes the persecutor, putting stones in the belly of the now victimised wolf.

  All this demonstrates is that there are psychological imbalances of the distribution of power in relationships. Not dissimilar to the dynamics within a domestic abuse situation, where the issues are not about violence but about power and control.

  You say that you find your situation unpleasant and know that your relationship is not healthy and feel the need to get out. You are feeling bad about yourself and have lost your hapiness and you end up asking whether or not a relationship that have started out like this can be transformed into something better?

  I feel for you and what you are experiencing, and I think that to a certain extent, you have more or less answered your own question.

  Regards,

  Bay64me.
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  Lady Lee

  HappenHanna

  You might want to look at this thread Addicted to Misery.

  On the second page check out the section on self-victimization. it talks about the Drama Triangle
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  Sassy

  If you can have a heart to heart and discuss opening about some of the problems so you have a turning point of change, then it could be possible to save it. However if both do not see a reason to change, someone settles and it generally doesn't make for a happy relationship.

  Hope you find some answers.
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  happehanna

  Thank you all for your sound answers once again.

  I think when I left the org and my ex at much the same time ,there was naturally a huge void in my life and I rushed to fill it.

  I will start to spend some quality time with myself and see what transpires.

  thanks everyone for your input
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  The Angry Atheist

  listen i dont want to try and boil any thing down to yes's and no's but i think yer proble is a simple one to solve. ( angry atheist ponders what has just been said. clears his throught and continues...) if yer boy toy is making you feel bad as a person, then its time to give him the axe and thank him for playing the game. how would you feel if you new that yer boy felt like crap when ever you came around or you made him feel worthless? give the axe then relax. peace im out.

  the angry atheist.