Alright, all this suggestive talk I'm overhearing between FMZ and Puternut is getting me turned on.....
Qualities to look for in a marriage mate? Let's get real...
by findingme 25 Replies latest jw friends
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Markfromcali
Maybe this idea of looking for qualities doesn't really go deep enough. (where did we learn this anyway, could it be the JWs? YPA?) But really, I imagine atleast some who are reading this have met people who are great in many ways but somehow things just don't click with them. Different qualities naturally display themselves in different circumstances, it'd be far too mechanistic to have yourself a check list and then spend a certain amount of time with someone as if you can put them into a laboratory situation to test for your list of qualities. I would be far more interested in seeing how naturally some quality shines through in a situation where it just goes to show that this is the kind of person they are. It's not surprising for someone to be kind and loving toward someone they like/are interested in, when you see them behave that way toward a total stranger then that's very telling.
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Corvin
Good looks and physical beauty are not the thing, but I just seem to be lucky enough to have a good looking woman, yayyyy for me. It's just sort of nice to not mind looking at the one you are married to.
1. She accepts me just the way I am and never demands that I change for her. (She knew me and how I was before we got married, so she should have said it wouldn't work before we said "I do". Too late and tough shyte.)
2. She does not impose upon me the burden or responsibility of making her happy when she was not ever happy to begin with. Jeezes, that's alot to ask of another human being. "Hey you! Loser! Make me happy!" That marriage pospect is a pain in the arse and will never ever ever ever be happy no matter what I do. That's not my job and goes along with number 1. I really love the fact that she is simply happy being with me.
3. Really really good sex goes here.
4. Ability to communicate which does not require me to read her mind.
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blacksheep
Totally on board with the try-before-you-by theory to see bedroom compatibility. Just reeling from finding out my 21 yo JW newphew is engaged. Big surprise...how long can people wait for sexual experimentation? Is it still true that JW's have one of the highest divorce rates? Maybe an urban myth.
Beyond that, I think the entire question of "what to look for in a marriage mate" is still an offshoot of JWism. I mean, most of us just look for some basic compatability/friendship/partnership/fireworks/chemistry from a relationship. Women used to look for someone who could provide for them and their children; men were basically looking regular on-tap sex...
Things/society has changed so much since the 1950's (but the JW org has not), that I don't think most people think about what they look for in a "marriage mate." They're just trying to find love, and all of the above mentioned things...
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GentlyFeral
Well, this is almost relevant -- a poem I wrote for a new lover.
Peligrosa
Don't buy me off with candy and flowers.
I want the crystallized sweat of your skull and heart.
Bring me the spoils of your elaborate education
and the truest, weirdest compliments your heart can muster.Show me the sea cave where you keep our hearts side by side.
Tell me the name the gods gave you before your mother was born.And in return -- ?
I will eat you alive as the flame eats the phoenix!
I will imprint your mind and heart forever:
feverish blues,
gold and silver,
purples almost black:
cortex and myocardium
stained for ever!My wisdom will taint your breath.
These verses will flavor your food
until you die,
old and rich,
happy and well-beloved,
full of days.....
(sigh) he has to move out of the area -- temporarily, we hope -- until he finds a new job. He's leaving this weekend and I already miss him desperately. My husband misses him too.
GentlyFeral
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simplesally
Honesty. A hard worker. Someone who keeps their word even if it hurts them to do it. Someone who is loyal. Someone who I feel could protect me (sorry any feminists out there). If a bad guy came to my door or we had a home invasion robbery, I would not want to feel that I had to be the one to tackle the guy!!! I want a guy I can trust. I also want a person to have tons of fun with, someone to go places with, save money with and go on a fantabulous trip. Someone that enjoys raising my daughter with me.
I definitely don't want to be controlled by anyone or have someone trying to tell me what to do or undermining friendships. I had a gossipy husband who plays people off each other..........and I was not off limits. He was always trying to undermine my reputation or the way people viewed me. By the end of our relationship, I was even embarrassed to go out with him because he talked so dang much and it was allllllllllll bullsh**.
I would say I look for someone who is attractive to me. I don't care about drop dead gorgeous but someone who cleans up well. I want a guy who can have fun at weddings and a guy who loves me. I want the man who ends up being with me to be happy as can be that we chose each other. I want him to be as proud of me as I am of him. I want to feel that he would watch me sleep and be happy I was there. I would want him to miss me during the day and me him. I don't want to hear, "ya whaddya want" if I called him during the day.