by Kevin 34 Replies latest jw friends
I need help!!!
My wife is a JW.
I've been trying to point out the errors of the WTBTS but she just doesnt want to hear it.
I'm wonder if some people could share your turning point in regards to your relationship goes
with the society.
What made you realize that the society was false. (Something you heard, something that happened, etc.)
Any response would be greatly appreciated.
Kevin
What comes across to you that makes you think it is false, may I ask?
Kevin, first let me welcome you to JWD! This website is a great place to find information on the jws. When I was younger someone tried to show me information on Charles Taze Russell, about his involvement with the occult, and how he came about some of his calculations...but you know what? At the time, I didn't even want to look at the information, I was just following the wts' orders to ignore any "apostate" material.
So basically, jws will refuse to look at information and facts presented to them, and if they are truly loyal to the org., even if they look at the information they won't look at it objectively, and they will dismiss them as lies from "opposers". So what happened to make me realize that it wasn't the truth was over the years? Little things eventually started to make me think, certain little things I noticed that weren't quite right, and finally when I heard about the wts' affiliation with the department of public information of the United Nations, that's when I was willing to look at all the other things.
In the end, your wife will only really look at the information if she's willing to do so. But until then, keep trying to give her bits and pieces of information, but not too much such that she will go defensive. Also, another good way is to try to show her things in real life that are contrary to what the jws, for example, showing her that things in the "world" are not as bad as the jws claim they are. Finally, a big stumbling block for some who are jws is that sometimes they have difficulty differentiating God and the organization. So it's important to make her realize in the end that they are not the same.
Hope this helps. I know there are some posters here that are living in a similar situation as you are, and they will be able to give better advice then I can.
Nocturne
The behavior of the members pretty much convinced me they had no "truth." It was always emphasized how the mark of a true Christian was the love they have for each other. Go to any congregation and watch who sits on the opposite side from each other, there's a good chance no words have passed between them for years.
Welcome to JWD, Kevin.
We are all here trying to figure out ways to reach our loved ones/relatives.
Steve Hassen's first book on "Mind control" is good because it doesn't mention JWs but shows the same tactics they use.
Your wife is being taught that no matter what be loyal to God's organization?.
Read other's experiences here and how the lack of love finally made them look at their organization. Or Raymond Franz's books, Crisis of Conscience or In Search of Christian Freedom.
The UN scandal that was exposed here on JWD. (The WTBTS was an UGO 1992-2002) And how the WTBTs lies to cover themselves.
All you can truly do to help your wife is show her unconditional love. The JWs don't. You have to abide by their guidelines to recieve their love.
Good luck. Sorry there is no magic answer, but we are here to listen and sympatize. (been there, done that)
Joy
Welcome and if there was way i would have used it. I am married to a jw and have tried it all ,read books, left little notes, showed him things in his own watchtowers and still all the evidence i have shown him he refuses to see it for what it is. They scare them well with the threat of death if they go against the org.and reading anything outside the org. will make them an apostate which is the devil in Jehovah's eyes. In the 28yrs my jw husband has been in i have tried all the tricks even threatning to cut my wrists, his response was i have to get to my meeting. I am telling you this to not get your hopes up as i have for so long.
Welcome to the Board, Kevin!
There were several things that made me realize the WTBTS was NOT the truth.
First out of the box, was my own personal experience with a blood doctrine change less than a year after I was baptized. I had agonized over not taking Rhogam, an immunoglobulin derived from blood which was forbidden for years, but which became one of the allowed fractions in June of 1990.
When that whole scenario shook me up, I researched some of the information Nocturne mentioned about CT Russell. Some of it was in a book I read called "Visons of Glory" which is out of print but excerpts of which can be found at www.freeminds.org
Nonetheless, I had bought into the dream of a righteous people and a paradise earth, and so I stuffed this knowledge somewhere in the far corners of my mind.
Later, when my children attended parochial school at my Catholic husband's insistence, I met godly people who were not Jehovah's Witnesses; people who lived upright lives, worshipped regularly, prayed and had prayers answered, etc., giving the lie to the Society's contention that everyone not in Jehovah's spiritual ark was wicked and almost certainly to be destroyed at Armageddon.
Then, I had a couple of instances where I felt the elders did not take the side of obvious right--which didn't involve me directly, but which affected the children of my best friend and sister-in-law.
There was the change in the 1914 "generation" teaching in November of 1995 which led me to investigate the 1914 date more thoroughly. Once I found out the shifting sands upon which that pivotal date was built, I knew that the organization was no more God's than any other religious organization. 607 BCE as the date of the fall of Jerusalem is a lie.
What might be helpful to you, if your wife has an inquiring mind at all, is to get her to do research for you in Encyclopedia's and Bible concordances in order to prove to you that what she believes is so. Because I didn't read that Nov. '95 Watchtower and think to myself, "That's odd, I think I'll go investigate," but rather filed that distrubing information with all the other disturbing things I'd heard/seen/wondered about over the years. And then an old friend expressed concern for my affiliation with the Witnesses and I became an apologist for the organization. Only thing being, the more I researched to refute orthodox Christianity, the more I learned about my own JW religion. And it wasn't pretty!
The problem might be that your wife is perfectly content with the organization right now, feels good about how belonging makes her feel special and holy, compounded by the fact that the WT Society does not encourage what it calls "independent thinking". And I agree with Nocturne that you will likely make little progress persuading her that it is NOT the Truth until YOUR WIFE is ready to make a move.
Although I got shaken up within 6 months of my Dec. 1989 baptism and finally got really agitated in 1995, it still took me until 2001 to break free of the shackles!
I wish you well.
outnfree
I have to agree with benext. I kept hearing that we had "love" and that we were in a "spiritual paradise". I knew that love was the identifying mark...I just didn't see it for the entire 36 years that I was in the org.
The interesting thing is that when I was first fading I talked to some about the lack of love. After agreeing that there were problems in the congregation and the org overall, the cookie cutter reply was always the same: "We do not engage in war...brother against brother...blah blah blah. I always responded: "Why would you interpret it only that way...where does it specify that not killing one another is the only indication of the mark?" That always shut things down. Even faithful jdubs admit that there are problems with the way people are treated and that there is a general lack of love, it's just that it is like wrestling with an angel to get them to admit that it should have bearing on WTBS.
exjdub
Nothing you say will make her change her mind unless she is ready
I have noticed when I try to discuss the untruths of the society their eyes literally glaze over and they become robot like.
What I do is prove using the watchtower. Show here the new doctrinal changes by using old watchtowers.
Of course they will use the "NEW LIGHT" tactic. but every little seed planted is a seed that may grow.
Good luck
A very good read is "Awakenings of A Jehovah's Witness" by Dianne Wilson.
Once I read it, and shared it with my wife, we both realized that that little voice in the back of both of our heads (that we had been trying to ignore for too long) was something we should at least listen to.
From that book, we went on to read: Crisis of Conscience, then Apocalypse Delayed, as well as others. Stick to the first two -- they should give you all the info you need.
A good web site to look at is www.towerwatch.com. A former elder and JW-lifer started the site and it is a wonderful resource.
If your wife is concerned about reading "APOSTATE" info, you should first read Steve Hassan's book -- Combatting Cult Mind Control. It will get YOU ready to help her.
