My Son is starting to hit problems with JW Mother.

AlanB

My son is 15 and lives with his mother in a strict JW reigime. He told me the other day that he made arrangements to meet his friend from school to go skateboarding. His mother found out and made him call his friend from school and cancel.

She then gave him a long lecture, complete with a Young People Ask Video about association. (Did not know they had Videos of the YPA !!!!! The books were bad enough when I was 15)

It seems the main points appear to be:-

1/ Bad association spoils useful habits.

2/ He may get led astray.

3/ Other witness children may see him and be stumbled.

Not sure how to advise him, I went through exactly the same thing at his age. I do not want to see him lead a double life or be socially disabled in any way.

On the other hand I do need to be careful not to counter indoctrinate as this may be counter productive, I leave hints but nothing definate.

Any suggestions.....

glitter

Tell him *you* give him permission to go.

The objection is ridiculous, it's only skateboarding, he's not trotted off out for a merry evening of burglary!
All that will happen next time is he'll be sneaky and not *let* her find out, and obviously it's not good for him to start being deceitful.

Tell him *yes* you can get in trouble along with your friends if you follow them like a sheep, and *yes* if he was badly behaved he could get some of his friends and friends from the hall in trouble; but tell him *you* TRUST him to be smarter than that and not to get in trouble. His mum obviously *doesn't* trust him - of course she's worried about him getting into trouble, but unless that's founded due to a bad track record, then he deserves the benefit of the doubt and a chance to go to the skatepark with his mates.

If it was a meeting night she'd have a point (not that I'd agree with him going, just she'd have a "reason" for him not to be allowed out), but otherwise as long as he's not skating in a public area and causing a hazard and gets in early enough to do his homework, what's the problem?

Do you have him at weekends? What does he feel about being raised a JW?

Carmel

Like no JW kids ever get into trouble on their own...always bad association leads them astray..

Hello, earth to mom!! Oh forget it!

carm

AlanF

Assuming you're in a position to have your son live with you, you should encourage him to do that. You know your son best, so I'm sure you can best figure out what to insinuate into his mind about how nasty the JW cult is. Believe me, it's a good thing to get him away from that cult! My daughter came to live with me at age 14 (kids 14 and up virtually always get to choose where they'll live, and courts go along easily) and she's never been happier.

AlanF

SheilaM

He would be better off with you

ball.

It's a difficult one. I dont have children but I like to think about things logically. 1 and 2 1/ Bad association spoils useful habits.

2/ He may get led astray are essentially the same thing. And unless you know the friend personally, it could actually be true. Not all "worldly" parents would encourage all friendships, quite the reverse. So I would explain to your young lad that he should consider who his friends are carefully, whilst taking into consideration keeping peace with the mother. Even if he considers them good associations, could he "go with the flow" until he is just a little older? without encouraging him to be decietful.

3/ Other witness children may see him and be stumbled. Well this is just witness rehtoric which can never be answered satisfactorily, but if I was to argue it, it would be along the lines of how wholesome the activity was, skateboarding (i.e. not indoors playing violent computer games) and building social skills with other kids is important.

ok, what do I know, just food for thought.

Corvin

Many here know I have gone through the same thing.

On the other hand I do need to be careful not to counter indoctrinate as this may be counter productive , I leave hints but nothing definate.

There is no other way. I found it is very effective to be just as dogmatic with facts and the truth since the org's indoctrination is nonstop. What else is there to combat the crap with? You must be more assertive and you must intervene or you are not doing your job, especially at that crucial age. Any confusion and conflict they might experience will resolve itself the first time the elders or mom try their tactics on him. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but this was my own private little revelation while playing a part in my childrens' lives.

Corvin

blacksheep

You're dealing with a cult here. I know I'm not in your situation, but I think you have to continually remind yourself of that. How would you feel if your son lived with your Moonie ex-wife. All of the reasons your ex listed for not allowing him to go are so bogus. Esp the last one: he may "stumble others." THAT excuse can be used to disallow ANYTHING.

Is he expressing interest in being baptized? Does he act like he believes this stuff? All I can say is I GREATLY the fact that my dad didn't protect me and support me when my JW mom made wacko rules. He was never a JW, but supported her to provide a "united message." I lost a great deal of my youth and was socially paralyzed during that time.

Frankly, I'd be less concerned with trying to "create confusion" in your son's mind and showing a "disunited" front than I would be with trying to help him develop emotionally, socially, mentally, and spiritually (doesn't mean religion). I think you need to have a heart to heart with him, and set some boundaries for his mom. I wish MY dad has stood up for me. Personally, I wouldn't pussyfoot around with this crap. You need to do what's right for your son.

(not meaning to lecture, but I just still harbor so much resentment for my own situation).

blacksheep

BTW, Corvin, how do you handle holidays? Do you celebrate? Is your son allowed to?

blacksheep

Sorry, I mean AlanB!

My Son is starting to hit problems with JW Mother.

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