Trying to fade slowly.... (page 2)

somebodylovesme

My husband was the JW, not me, so I will try to recount his timeline: Started having serious doubts in (roughly) 1996. Continued going regularly through 1998, was by then sure he needed to get out. Stopped "skipping" in 1998-1999, but kept going and was still active. Stopped attending regularly in 2002. Last set foot in a hall over a year ago.

He basically did that by finding things to keep him busy -- college, a full time job, an internship, etc. He was literally too busy to go. He was still friendly with everyone from the Hall and occasionally did social things with some people (although many shunned him for dating me, a worldly girl). He was entirely inactive by the early part of last year, but is not DF'ed or DA'ed. Fading really is the ideal situation, if you can pull it off. Worked for my hubby... I hope it works for you. Be strong!

SLM

boy@crossroads

welcome nemo,

i'm trying to do the fade as well. Intuitively I know its best to avoid everyone if at all possible. I basically view all Jw I know as Agent Smiths from the matrix. If I see one coming down the street I find a way of dissappearing. I think the less they actually see you the more you fade from their mind. Anyway, I just hope I'll never have to set foot in another kingdom hall. Sometimes I feel like I'm under the water with a big gulp of air. At times I feel like the air is running low. I know how you feel about the meetings though. The lasts meetings I was going to I felt like laughing at what speakers were saying. It was unbearable. One day I was like "I'm not playing this game anymore"

blondie

Just have a plan.

We kept the book study the last meeting we stopped going to.

It took 2 years for us.

Then there is a flurry of calls (filtered through caller ID)

Now wonderful silence. We occasionally run into JWs at the store, they are friendly, we say hi, talk about their health, our health, their family's health, then say goodbye.

Blondie (PM if you want to)

4JWY

Hi Nemo:

Per shotgun's "swimming", I posted this yesterday on a different thread, excuse the repetition but it's applicable:

Quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson -

" BE NOT THE SLAVE OF YOUR OWN PAST ~ PLUNGE INTO THE SUBLIME SEAS, DIVE DEEP, AND SWIM FAR, SO YOU SHALL COME BACK WITH SELF-RESPECT, WITH NEW POWER, WITH AN ADVANCED EXPERIENCE, THAT SHALL EXPLAIN AND OVERLOOK THE OLD."

All the best to you Nemo,

4JWY

kat2u

I personally didnt do the fade and took it in the face so to speak.

But then im not personnly known for my patience.

Anyways I I would suggest that while you fade , you begin building yourself a good support network.

Its good to have friends to fall back on.

kat2u

Ohhh and If I can help at all P.M. me

EyeDrEvil

Nemo,

Is there a reason for a slow fade, as opposed to a disassociation? After we stopped attending meetings, and we actually had time to do some independent research -- reading the Bible (NOT the NWT), Crisis of Conscience, Awakenings of a Jehovah's Witness --- we were very convinced we were never going back.

BUT, hiding out, or moving, or avoiding the elders/publishers seemed like we were obsessing about : 1)being found out ; 2) being disfellowshipped, and 3) worrying about what others were thinking about us.

By giving them that power, it seems like you are still in subjection to them (Just my opinion!)

For me, I needed to make a bold statement and say - "You guys are screwed up! I AM SO OUTTA HERE!" In actuality, my DA letter was a simple, one sentence statement -- nothing for the rumor mill. Just the facts. For me, it was a clean break. Starting over. Turning the page. All of the cliches come to life.

my 2 cents

EyeDrEvil

Carmel

Welcome Nemo! You are pretty typical in not being able to sit through the drivel any longer. However, not all the looks you are getting may be as evil as you precieve. You may be projecting a tad bit. Some may be looking and thinking how jealous they are that they can't do as you are. They just don't have the fortitude to take the stand by voting with their feet.

Best of all to you.

carmel

Doubtfully Yours

Nemo,

I'm going through the same experience as you. Trying to fade slowly, but it's becoming impossible! I'm very close to making a break soon.

Forget the husband and my relatives that can't deal with it! I certainly can't deal with being in it much longer!!!

DY

Purza

Fading is difficult. I did it and I had witnesses living across the street from me watching my every move. I finally had to move away to completely break away. I think walking away from the JWs was the hardest thing I have ever done because it mean't leaving behind my entire life and starting fresh. (best decision I ever made though) It has been about 2 years now and I still struggle with my emotions.

Purza

Trying to fade slowly....

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