Agony (of indecision)

by onacruse 19 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  outoftheorg

  FOR ME, IT BRINGS MEMORIES OF EXHAUSTING, SLOWLY GROWING CONFUSION.

  I WAS A FENCE SITTER EXTRAORDINARE.

  THEN LITTLE BY LITTLE THE "SEEMINGLY UNWARRANTED" ANGER.

  THEN REALIZATION OF FALSEHOODS AND BEING TRAPPED.

  BY FAMILY.

  FINALLY DEEP CLINICAL DEPRESSION.

  CATASTROPHIC EXPLOSION OF EMOTIONS.

  THEN FREEDOM OF A SORT.

  PERMANENT LOSS OF SIBLINGS, WIFE, SOME CHILDREN, INLAWS, NEICES AND NEPHEWS

  FINALLY GIVING ALL THAT TREATED ME AS DEAD, THE RIGHT TO DO AS THEY PLEASE AND

  DETATCH FROM THEM.

  AT LAST FREEDOM IN MY MIND, HEART, AND BODY.

  Outoftheorg
• 

  Brummie

  Good post outoftheorg
• 

  bigboi

  Sounds like he is, in a word...conflicted.

  I used to feel like that until I was honest about why I felt that way. I'm not implying anything towards anyone in saying this, but I honestly had the hardest time facing the fact that I had been played for a fool. I opted out on a lot in my younger days using this religion as an excuse. Looking back I can honestly say that I saw a lot about the religion almost from the very start that proved them (myself included) to be hypocrites. I stuck with it because I didn't want all the ridicule and sacrifices I had made to be for nothing. It was a very selfish thing to do on my part. I could have done a lot more to help my family instead of being a recluse with my head in four color illustrated books wishing for a way out of my situation. Bottom line for me is I was afraid to take chances and the religion gave me all the excuses in the world not to.
• 

  outoftheorg

  THANK YOU BRUMMIE.

  THE THING I WOULD MOST LIKE TO CHANGE.

  WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG?

  Outoftheorg

  "IS' CONFLICTED IS NOT CORRECT.

  "WAS" CONFLICTED IS.
• 

  Brummie

  Because, realisation, clinical depression and a catostrophic explosion of emotions (good description) dont happen over night! Some can walk away in a day, took me 4 years from the 1st realisation to the writing of my dis letter. Some it took longer. We have to go at our own pace.
• 

  jgnat

  Deeeeeep thoughts, Craigie my man. Here is a quote that has put my conscience in a tangle for years. I think I might I hope I might be of the second group. I like the idea of being a rarity. Then I set to wondering; are my motives altruistic, really, or am I driven by a tangle of inner needs, not yet acknowledged?

  I think your quote and my quote are similar:

  Those who serve a cause are not those who love that cause. They are those who love the life which has to be led in order to serve it, except in the case of the very purest, and they are rare. Simone Weil
• 

  Gopher

  C'mon now Craiggers, you were in the TROOF a long time.

  Haven't you ever heard that "the fence belongs to Satan"?

  Your indecision is playing right into the claws of the Debil! And besides, those pickets are sure uncomfortable.
• 

  outbutnotdown

  Interesting topic.

  I like jgnat's post and at the risk of sounding arrogant I feel that I fall into the "loving the cause" category. I was both blessed and cursed by the same things in life. All that has happened to me has been a curse and the very same things have been a blessing to me as well.

  The only thing that changed was how I PERCEIVED THOSE THINGS TO BE!!!!! In the words of Aaron Lewis of the band Staind, "The only thing I know is that I can change. Everything else just stays the same."

  I was lucky enough to have suffered complete shunning from my family, that it taught me how sad their judging really is. By surviving such a judgement I at least know that I never want to be guilty of it myself again.

  Here's to everyone else here who has "survived" their unwarranted condemnation.

  Brad
• 

  LittleToe

  I dropped pretty much all of my previous beliefs and started from scratch.

  It was a hard route, but at least I'm clearer about what I believe, what I suspect, and what I simply don't know about. It makes for far more honesty.

  The only "agony" is in deciding what to believe, but from a perspective that is reasonably neutral it becomes less urgent, and less mentally unbalancing.

  One belief that I've come upon is that whilst our "life" is limited, which puts a bit of a time limit on what we might come to believe, we have as long as we need.
  There's no rush - though that's no excuse for complacency.
• 

  frenchbabyface

  One belief that I've come upon is that whilst our "life" is limited, which puts a bit of a time limit on what we might come to believe, we have as long as we need.
  There's no rush - though that's no excuse for complacency.