What to do about wife and elders (page 2)

The Searcher

Play the "headship" card and stop anyone else teaching your child about our cult!

The paradox of the headship arrangement is that it is ultimately very emasculating. If a sister is married to someone who is considered "weak" or an unbeliever then she can go over his head or the loving bros step in and take the "spiritual lead" in the family. Pushing the husband onto the sidelines. I have known many sisters who have felt justified in playing the "my husband is not taking the lead card."

I am sorry this is happening to you CG.

OnTheWayOut

http://cftf.com/rescue/

Please check out the link above. You can click on chapters on the left side. You will especially benefit from the chapter, WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED. It is only one page, meant to be read with the rest. It will reassure you that some exposure to WTS and trying to keep the marriage together is better than just being torn apart. But please look at other portions also.

From the chapter, DO'NT DELAY, ACT TODAY:

As each new Watchtower doctrine is “proved” to the prospective convert and accepted as a valid belief, another step is added to the process that will eventually be required to undo the effects of this indoctrination. And the odds that this can be accomplished at all are made slimmer. Once the “churches of Christendom” are discredited in the first few lessons, it will later take time and effort to reestablish the fact that there exist genuine Christians outside the Watchtower organization. Once another early lesson teaches that God must be addressed as “Jehovah” in prayer, it will be difficult for the student to pray again without using that formula. Once the Witnesses “prove” that the dead go neither to heaven nor to hell but are unconscious and nonexistent, that thought will remain unless answered in detail from Scripture. And once the student is convinced by his or her JW teacher that the Watchtower Society is “God’s organization” and “the channel of communication that God is using,” extricating the new convert grows into a major project, requiring intense effort, assistance from trained personnel, and perhaps months or years of patient endurance.

The act of baptism represents an outward commitment to join the organization and abide by its rules. However, since group baptisms are usually held just two or three times a year, most individuals make an inward commitment, intellectually and emotionally, months before baptism. If you are able to intervene before such a commitment is made, stress the need to examine “the other side of the story” first, especially before publicly accepting the responsibilities of membership. Tell the baptismal candidate that he or she owes it to you, to himself and to God, to find out why other sincere, committed members have left the organization, and why the group seeks to prevent members from reading books ex-members have written.

.......

So, the main point to remember when a loved one first starts getting involved with Jehovah’s Witnesses is to avoid delay. As in fighting an infectious disease that attacks the body, time is of the essence in combating the Watchtower’s invasion of the mind.

The need for speed is highlighted by the fact that one of the first lessons taught by the Witnesses usually includes a warning against relatives who may try to stop the study:

How might Satan even use friends and relatives to discourage us?…

You can be sure that Satan the Devil does not want you to have this knowledge, and that he will do all in his power to stop you from getting it. How will he do this? One way is by seeing to it that you receive opposition, perhaps in the form of ridicule.… It may be that even close friends or relatives will tell you that they do not like your examining the Scriptures. Jesus Christ himself even warned: “Indeed, a man’s enemies will be persons of his own household.… ” … But if you give up a study of God’s Word when opposition comes, how will God view you? (You Can Live Forever in Paradise on Earth, Watchtower Society, 1982, p. 23.)

If the new student accepts this argument, chances of stopping the study dim immediately. If you come along at this point with objections, you already have two strikes against you: (1) you appear to be an instrument of Satan the devil, so the arguments you present are viewed with suspicion and skepticism; and (2) by fulfilling the Witnesses’ prophecy that a close friend or relative would oppose the study, you have made them appear to be true prophets. If the objections you raise at this point are weak or are poorly presented, and therefore are overcome by the JWs, you will have struck out. Unless some powerful evidence against the sect is quickly brought into play at this time, the game is over, at least for now.

Perhaps the mistake most commonly made in attempting to rescue a potential convert is failure to act soon enough. If you can jump in at the very beginning, the best advice would be to do something—to do almost anything—that will stop the study in a kind, loving manner.

WingCommander

The WT writer of the Commentary of James was NOT Ray Franz, it was Ed Dunlap. It was quite popular, but is rarely talked about since Ed was "voided" out of Headquarters for not towing the party line in the great shake up of the early 1980's.

- Wing Commander

Oubliette

Definitely assert your authority as the spiritual head.

Tell the elders in no uncertain terms that they are NOT to meet with your wife or any other family members without you present and/or your express permission, which at this time you are NOT giving.

You gotta' have boundaries.

millie210

Parents (people actually) have always faced enemies to the structure of the family unit. Sometimes it is an oppressive government, being part of a minority, or religious persecution. There is a trail of this all down through history.

When you read the stories about how parents and children made it through, you will see some common elements that you can borrow and use now.

The parent always made sure the child knew they were on their side. That they were a team against anything that might break them up. They also took advantage of a childs natural tendency to believe what they are told by older people.

The JWs are taking advantage of that and so should you. Tell your children what you believe - you dont have to give the "boogey man" labels in order for your child to "get it". Something as simple as saying "be very cautious of people who tell you that something is "always" or "never" anything"

The Witness way is to engage in LOTS of black and white thinking. You can cut that off at the pass by giving your children your world view in a way that cannot be argued with by other adults.

I agree that you should invoke their own "head of the house" principle but there are also little seeds you can plant surreptitiously in your childrens minds along the way.

freemindfade

You could play it real low and say with the ongoing sex abuse cases pending against the WTS, you'd prefer no one try to spend time alone with your kids!

ToesUp

I agree with Millie210. Kids are smart. We have planted little seeds in our children and they seem to get it. You don't have to bombard your children with facts, just plant things over time.

I would also make sure the Elders know that regardless if you are attending meetings or not, you are still the head of your house and they need to tread lightly. Be tactful but firm. They need to respect you no matter the circumstances. Some of these Elders try to use intimidation, push back and you may be surprised how some (not all) head for the hills. I have tried this with some of the Nazi Elders, it works.

Giordano

Both my wife and I found it relatively easy to leave the JW world when we were in our young 20's because neither of our fathers were JW's. In my case if my Dad lived........ at 18 I would have been college bound not Pioneer bound.

It is very important to have your children develop their critical thinking skills.

It is also important for them to be well educated and socially adapt. Your 13 year old needs to view school, sports, after school activity differently from the JW construct. It is also important for the children to have a balanced social life.

The average JW allows the corporate culture of the WTBTS to be as important as their scriptural teachings. Grooming, health decisions and education overlap with theology it becomes their dogma.

There is no need for a non family member to have access to your children and indoctrinate them. Nix the bible study and most meetings as much as you can.

What to do about wife and elders