Need Input on DF committee hearings, please

robhic

I would like to ask, specifically, the ladies here who have been subjected to a JC hearing, preferrably for fairly serious reasons, to write a quick summary of the humiliation, etc. that went on during this process. Anybody who has participated in a JC hearing is welcome to add. No specifics are needed if you don't feel comfortable writing about anything you can just give a general rundown on how lecherous and un-godlike the committee treated you. This is my reason for asking:

My JW g/f keeps saying that she has to confess to the elders regarding some sexual indiscretions we have committed over the past, now, almost 3-4 years. Yes, I know this sounds like the girl ain't right in the head (and for medical reasons she is prone to some mental fuzziness...) but I keep trying to persuade her to not do this.

I've told her that if jehovah knows all then he knows what she has done. What need is there to involve middlemen, who are just that -- middleMEN -- in something involving her and jehovah ultimately.

I thought that maybe if I could give her some people's experiences of the dehumanizing, degrading, sleazy and downright awful stuff that goes on in those meetings between the elders (I've often seen described as horny, sleazy old men) and a vulnerable, emotional and violated woman/girl maybe she would see how this process is such a draconian and one-sided affair.

Without giving away any sensitive details or anything, could some of you give me a rundown on a particularly vile JC hearing you were subjected to so I can print it out for my g/f to read? Her congregation seems like a reasonably laid-back bunch and I don't get the feeling they would really be a super-bad, "Spanish Inquisition" type but I'd like to maybe preview for her what is in store should she choose to confess.

Can anybody help me? I also tried at another site but only got limited responses. I would appreciate it immensely because I really don't want to think of her going thru this.

Thanks for any and all input. I sincerely appreciate it,

Robert

exjdub

Robert,

I realize that you are looking for woman to comment specifically, but I have been in front of a JC when I was younger. Tell her to be prepared to reveal very private matters in graphic detail so that the elders can determine how serious the "wrongdoing" was/is. There are questions about specific acts, how often, orgasm, etc. etc. It can be quite uncomfortable. I don't think it is ANYONE'S business, most certainly not the elders, especially when many of them have their own skeletons in the closet.

Good Luck,

exjdub

ozziepost

G'day Robert,

I'm not able to go into too many specifics on a db; however, in recent years I have witnessed at first hand abuse of the sisters by "those taking the lead".

In one KH close to Australia Bethel, one sister was being harrassed by "the elders" so that she was literally persued around the KH and she ran to seek refuge in the ladies restroom!

Another single mother was similarly persued around a KH and she headed for the lobby and - guess what? - the overlording elder ran past and stood in front of her. She broke down at the harrassment. Oh, she had done nothing wrong, only in the "elder's" sight!!

Another pioneer sister (a part-time travel agent) was 'dealt' with by a JC because she was unable to supply a cheap airfare ticket to a Bethel elder. The JC found she had nothing to answer, but the Branch overseer instructed them to find her "guilty" and she was removed as a pioneer (after serving for 20 years) and placed on restrictions.

A branch in the southern hemisphere has a record of summoning women before judicial committees simply because they may have offended an elder in some way.

These may sound fantastic; bizarre it certainly is but it's still true and it's a major reason for me leaving Bethel!

Your g/f is probably suffering extreme guilt at present and this is the result of this system that the WTS has established and it does indeed make its own members suffer terribly.

I wish you both well.

Cheers, Ozzie

blondie

Another single mother was similarly persued around a KH and she headed for the lobby and - guess what? - the overlording elder ran past and stood in front of her. She broke down at the harrassment. Oh, she had done nothing wrong, only in the "elder's" sight!!

Oooh, ozziepost, if that had been me, that elder would have been hurting. I can remember an elder that tried to physically intimidate me. I told me that I was going to help him find out how far back his finger could be bent. He left me alone after that. Never had to touch him. How said for this sister. For all of them.

The saddest thing about these events is the ones who knew about it and did nothing to stop it (you finally left ozziepost). Abuse continues because people don't stand up to it and help others when they have the opportunity.

My suggestion is not to meet with them. Why play their game? The price is too high.

Blondie

simplesally

I think she may want to think about the 'repentance' part................ She didn't confess to them; Why now?; and She is still seeing you: are you chaperoned or not? Is she putting herself at risk again?

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Oh boy, I am so glad I don't have to deal with this bull crap!!!! I like being able to date who I want, when I want, where I want and even have a man come over to my house and his car can be in my driveway for an hour and my neighbors do not ASSUME we are having sex! Even if we were, no one cares!

robhic

Your g/f is probably suffereing extreme guilt at present and this is the result of this system that the WTS has established and it does indeed make its own members suffer terribly.
I wish you both well.

Thanks to those who have so quickly responded! As Ozzie states, above, her guilt has been plaguing her for some time. She has never done anything about it but talk (so far...) but she just informed me that she is waiting to hear when the elders will come to visit her (she is home-bound due to illness) so she can finally confess. The day of reckoning seems finally here after 3-4 years!

I know she expects to be DF'd -- and I would fully expect it too due to the severity of her/our actions -- so I told her I guess this meant "goodbye." I don't see her being able to associate with a worldly guy like me after confessing and I'm sure getting DF'd.

She said "never say never" but I can't see a new, but hard-core JW as my dear G/F has tried to be doing anything to go against the decision and I don't see me being allowed in any way after she gets tossed out. At least she is the only JW in her family so they won't shun her and will still be able to help her out in her time of need but I don't see myself being allowed to be with her.

Maybe this will open her eyes (I don't have a lot of faith in the probability of that happening...) but who knows? A little time away from the constant bombardment of guilt and brainwashing might be a good thing. At least I think it is!

Thanks again to all,

Robert

robhic

I think she may want to think about the 'repentance' part................ She didn't confess to them; Why now?; and She is still seeing you: are you chaperoned or not? Is she putting herself at risk again?

SimpleSally, I agree with you 100%. She hasn't done it for a couple of years, why now? The guilt should be the same, I don't follow her thoughts. And we have a unique situation.

We are both older adults (50 and 43) divorced, with kids, and disabled -- the whole 9 yards. No chaperones ever (I probably would have laughed should that suggestion ever come up) for the 4-5 years she's been a JW and I figure I'll be banned from having anything to do with her, so her optimism of "never say never" confuses me. I think I know more about JW than she does.

Thanks for the thoughts and thanks to others for their input.

Robert

ozziepost

The saddest thing about these events is the ones who knew about it and did nothing to stop it (you finally left ozziepost).

As I said before, I don't intend getting into specifics but there's much more that could be said.

I will say, though, that many of these guys do nothing "to stop it" because they don't see anything wrong.

Ozzie

zev

robhic,

i know i have read MANY horror stories right here on this board. you may have to spend so time searching, but you can find them.

i don't have any of my own to share, but spending a day or two in searching this site will bring you the information you desire.

simplesally

Actually Robert, she will be df'd and shunned. They will have no control over her or you. They won't be able to tell her not to associate with you at that point. It won't be unless she decides to go back will she be asked how long she has been away from your company and has she continued to abstain from wrong-doing.

Getting df'd is very depressing, anguishing and angry time. She will have to get over it before she gets past it............whether she stays away or not. Many here are still depressed over the shunning and control that was over their lives. Ones who have gone back have often gone back because of the extreme lonliness, it was all they knew. Your g/f is like me: family not in the truth. I was not suffering from extreme isolation, I had my family to go back to and fortunately, had some nice neighbors that were ready to fill the void.

Need Input on DF committee hearings, please

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