My Favourite Assembly Drama

by Englishman 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  Englishman

  All the more hilarious as the actors were known to me. Seeing some dub London Cockney you've known for years miming to an American accented voice had me holding my sides in mirth!

  ..Until, that is, the subject matter begun to surface. Then, OMG, it was just awful.

  It went something like this as the dubbed voices rang around Twickenham Stadium:

  >>>>Brother Wiseperson, calling to his son outside with his friends: "Hey there Young Mal-hal-her-hash-baz, it's time we sat down together and and studied the Barble for a while".

  Young Mal: "Aw gee, Paw, that's swell! I'd much rather have a Bible study than play baseball!" (Remember, the actors are Brits)

  Brother Wiseperson: "Well now, Mal-hal-her-hash-baz, your Mother, as is becoming to her submissive roll, reports to me that you seem a little depressed lately. What's the problem?"

  Young Mal, suitably abashed: Aw Paw, I'm so ashamed! I've been masturbating!"

  Brother Wiseperson: "Mal-hal-her-hash-baz, you need spiritual help, my son! I'm going to phone all the elders and get them to pray that you find the strength to stop this debilitating habit".

  Young Mal: Oh, wow, thanks Paw! I can feel Jehovah's forgiveness starting already!"<<<<<

  The worst part of all this was that I was a young teenager at the time of this particular anti-wanking drama. I was sat wedged firmly between my mother and father. All 3 of us were glowing bright red as seemed the majority of the attendees at this London assembly.

  My Dad gave his embarrassed cough "Ahem Ahem!", while my mothers mouth formed a shape reminiscent of a puckered up dogs bottom. We sat rigidly, non of us moving in the slightest. You could have heard a pin drop that awful day at Twickenham. I don't think that the Brits had ever heard anything quite like it.

  Later, when I met up with some of my teenage JW friends, we all looked at each other in absolute astonishment. It was in the mid 60's and you just didn't expect to come to an assembly to hear about that sort of thing.

  Yup! I'll never for get my first assembly drama!

  Englishman.
• 

  Cardinal Fang

  My personal fave dates back to the mid/late 80s and hinged on a US/UK language-divide gag, in which a worldly high-school girl (in shocking pink tights, I recall) attempted to seduce a JW classmate, who hightailed it home and related the whole episode to his mother, with words to the effect that "a worldly girl at school got me into an empty classroom (like she had a gun at his head, LOL) and tried to get me to commit fornication with her!!"

  At which point the anguished mother cried "OH, RANDY!!" (the boy's name)

  Now, for any North Americans who may be in the dark:

  randy (UK) = horny (US)

  As you can imagine, at that a ripple of snorting and choking rippled around the stadium I was at, along with, I imagine, every other convention venue in the UK. I'd love to have been at a big international (like Twickenham) just to see the puzzled looks of any visiting American dubs as the suppressed hysteria erupted around them.

  The GB obviously never did their linguistic/cultural homework for that one
• 

  Cardinal Fang

  BTW, I have to agree with Englishman - the sight of 'local yokels' miming away to that cheesy Waltonesque dialogue always raised a titter this side of the water - the WT (and the people responsible for the original 'performances') obviously have NO self-awareness whatsoever
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  Nosferatu

  The only real memorable one was in 1988 (I believe), the one with Lot's Wife turning into a pillar of salt. I still can't figure out how the hell they did that!

  Okay, I lied. There was another drama where they were throwing Jezebel (or Bathsheba, I can't remember) out the window. From my side of the stage, it looked pretty good. However, at the other side of the stage, my buddy watched it. I met up with him after, and asked him, "How far did she actually fall?" He responded, "Man, it was so fake!!! She only fell about 1 inch!"
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  tazmaniac

  I remember the one with Lots wife. I remember it cause i was sitting about 4 seats away from Karl Klein. He kinda looked like a pilar of salt !
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  Mulan

  I remember the Jezebel one very well. Dave was in it, and played Jehu. At one of the rehearsals, the DO came to give his approval, and made a snide remark about the long, fake red nails Jezebel was wearing..............he didn't think those were appropriate. Jezebel, quick thinking, grabbed a Bible Stories Book and showed him the picture, where Jezebel had long red nails. Hahahhahaha. He capitulated, but you could tell he still didn't like it.

  The drama I especially cringed over was one where a teenager told his parents he didn't want to be a JW anymore. I was thrilled because we had our second son wedged between us, trying to make his escape from the convention and from JW's. So, I thought we would get some help with him in this drama. The solutions for this boy was to prepare well for field service. "Oh thank you Mom and Dad. I am so happy now to be serving Jehovah" or some such crap. Our son said "I can't believe it" I had to agree with him. Very lame.
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  Mary

  "...which a worldly high-school girl attempted to seduce a JW classmate, who hightailed it home and related the whole episode to his mother, with words to the effect that "a worldly girl at school got me into an empty classroom and tried to get me to commit fornication with her!!"

  I vaguely remember a drama along those lines, except in ours, the guy actually started preaching to his would-be seductress explaining how his brain-washing "bible-based conscience" wouldn't allow him to ever consider screwing a babe commit this grave sin against the Borg God. After rushing home like mad to whack off tell his parents this girl had tried to feel his Weapon of Mass Production seduce him . The father got a few more elders over there el pronto who wanted details as to what had transcribed between this strapping young lad and the worldly girl so they too could go whack off could determine if he had somehow "led her on".

  The bottom line was that this 18 year old guy apparently never thought about sex as he was far too busy studying to become a Missionary so he could go screw serve where the need was great.
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  cyber-sista

  I remember one about a young who was seduced to going over to a young worldly girl's house. They were sitting on a couch in a living room when she made the moves on him, but like Potifer he fled. Later on that day (In the drama) he was blessed by Jehovah with some new tires for his car (brother-so-in-so had some extras laying around in his garage and noticing he needed some he gave them to the young man out of the goodness and kindness of his generous heart.) The young bro recognized the tires were a blessing from Jah and he used them to go out in service and to serve Jah more fully and of course forgot all about the girl. Anyway, this may have been the way it was or this may have been 2 dramas I have merged together in my mind about the girl and the tires--it seems too bizarre now, but this is honestly the way I remember it.
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  heathen

  LOL . Those dramas were some of the worst productions I ever had to sit through . Especially when you had those family scenarios about praying to jehovah over every little thing . GAG . Our son has deemonz cause he won't clean his room when told too .
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  Simon

  We had a great one at Bolton I think it was, with a raised pitch ... when the ground opened up and swallowed the rebellious isrealites then rolled down the bank and the effect was fantastic. Everyone clapped and it was the talk of the assembly.

  Can't remember what the 'spiritual food' was that year ... "divine vengeful justice of a pissed off god and the gloating of the loyal righteous ones" or something like that no doubt