HELP! Urgent advice needed - Child Custody - JW Mother

by catlady 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  catlady

  My partner ('Beaker' on JWD) & I are having rapidly escalating child custody issues. (see previous thread http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/71815/1.ashx) Tonight when the kids (7 & 9 yrs) were dropped back to their mother's she announced that his access was going to be further reduced as of now.

  She is very nasty anyway, constantly regeging on previous arrangements & given the Borg stuff is also thrown in the mix my partner is going to try for full custody. The solicitor (who has worked on previous JW cases) we have consulted with does not think we can bring the JW stuff up with a judge. I thought that they would look effects that all the rules have on the kids (no birthday parties, extra-curricular activities, etc) but he doesn't think so. I don't understand this, surely if things are detrimental the law can take action? We were told that the court base it on what the children are used to but I don't get this either, just because they are used to it doesn't mean it is good for their well-being.

  I know that some of have you have been through/are going through this sort of thing and hope that you can provide some advice. We live in Australia & although I note that some people have had some success in the US with their custody battles the law here seems to be a little behind. Any advice/help/suggestions would be much appreciated! We have to act quickly as she is applying for a temporary restriction tomorrow.

  Thank you

  Cat
• 

  shotgun

  Cat

  The lawyer I have advised me not to go near the religous issues for two reasons.

  1. Courts (Judges) don't want to deal with religion..can you blame them

  2. If you go after the religous angle and the WT gets involved, they'll tie you up in court and financially drain you with they're unending supply of money.

  If you already have an agreement and it isn't being followed can't you contact the police? I'm not sure just asking?
• 

  Celtic

  Since you come from NSW I cannot I am afraid proffer much useful advice, though feel for you both as here in the UK I went to the courts over 30 times in total to get full unlimited access with my son, in the end representing myself in the highest family court in the land, but it's a few years ago now.

  If I could say anything, put aside your own feelings in this and that of your partner, and always it goes without saying, put the interests of the child first, I know you are doing this anyway.

  My heart goes out to you both.

  All the best!!

  Mark
• 

  Celtic

  Actually, I'm not sure how new laws work throughout the rest of the Commonwealth, but there was a law passed here last week that made it a criminal offence to instigate any form of religious hatred and intolerance of others religious stance. Since the witnesses are well documented in hating just about every other religion as an instrument of satan, you might use this tack to the Judge to highlight that this is not a healthy environment in which a child ought to be brought up full time and that a balanced custody sharing would be in the best interests of the child to help them develop with more balance, fair mindedness and emotional development. Just a thought.
• 

  catlady

  Unfortunately all we have at the moment is an agreement that we typed up and was signed by both parents and a witness. Mediation was due to start next week so no legal agreement has been made. My partner went to the police tonight directly after this happened (he took one of the kids with him) and they couldn't do anything because there is nothing legally binding. By that time the bitch of an ex had phoned in a kidnapping report! Of course, the police said it is not kidnapping because of the above reason but just shows how low she will go.

  With the JW stuff I understand that they won't rule on religious issues (well don't really understand but have to accept it! And also wish they'd realise it's a cult not a religion). But couldn't the line be that children have the right to be raised in an environment that enriches their social, physical, intellectual abilities, etc and then demonstrate how Witness doctrines don't encourage that. There could be no reference to the cult at all, just the child's mother believes that birthday's are from Satan (which is what she said to the kids) and therefore they cannot go to any b/d parties, this then impedes the children social and makes them outcasts. Has anyone used these sorts of tactics, can they be successful?
• 

  Lehaa

  I know custody issues can be horrible. In australia the laws are fairly good. I'm an ex JW living in Victoria. I have my kids and my husband (whom i'm separated from and is still a JW) has them every other weekend. He keeps thretening to try and get custody of the kids, as i'm no longer am in the church and has an affair, but thats another story.

  Ring legal aid and get some advice. My advice to you if to keep the kids out of it and try to keep things as calm as possible. Also keep a diary of what happens, dates you have the kids, what happens, what they say, mood and attitude of ex- wife. In court a personal diary is a great tool.

  Remember that the best interests of the kids is what matters. The courts look more favourably toward parents who do this, and if the ex-wife is fanatical then that will come out as well.

  I hope this helps, sorry is some of it does not make sense, it's late and I'm very tired.
• 

  Elsewhere

  Click Here to read the underhanded legal advice that the WTS is giving their mother...
• 

  jgnat

  Catlady, the best advice is in your own post. If the lawyer says the religious angle will only cause more problems, believe him. Instead, as you have hinted, keep track of the ex's outrageous behavior. There is no reason to refer to the JW?s at all, just point out how your children have suffered after being with her.

  • she announced that his access was going to be further reduced as of now
  • constantly reneging on previous arrangements
  • phoned in a kidnapping report
  • told the children that birthdays are from Satan

  Lehaa gives excellent advice:

  Keep the kids out of it and try to keep things as calm as possible. Also keep a diary of what happens, dates you have the kids, what happens, what they say, mood and attitude of ex- wife. In court a personal diary is a great tool.

  Too often warring parents are so busy fighting each other, neither are paying attention to the children. Your partner must not drill the children for information about their mother. Even when very angry, he must count to ten, and check to see how his children are doing. In his private times with them, he can regularly reinforce that his love for them is unshakeable, and he will be there for them forever. He must show himself the rock, the stabilizing force in his children?s lives.

  As defence against this mother, I strongly recommend you keep a diary with events and dates.
• 

  Special K

  Since I do believe the J.W.'s have been banned in Russia, the things you mentioned about birthdays, family gatherings, disfellowshipping might work in a court of law there.

  But,

  In most countries I don't think that approach will work well for you... in my opinion.

  I have no experience in this, but it seems to me that a Judge will not take away a child from either parent totally unless something really, really bad is happening with one.

  50/50 custody is sometimes good. You can then balance the J.W. linear, judgemental, stuff with lots of love, acceptance and great stuff like that.

  someone posted to keep a written record of times you have the child and what goes on and also write down the conversations with the ex.... It may prove a valuable tool in the future if need be.

  All the best to you..and I can only imagine how rough these situations with children can be.

  You think that if you just bring up about no birthdays, christmas etc.. it won't run to the religion side of things. I think it would very quickly because the religion is the reason for not accepting these gatherings... and therefore it hits the old "freedom of religion acts"..

  sincerely

  Special K

  p.s. Sounds to me like you need to get a Legal separation pronto.. with custody and visitation rights spelled out and then it will be binding.. especially where the ex is so wishy washy and keeps changing things. At least then the child will have some sense of stablility of where he's going when and for how long. just my thoughts. The ex sounds very unreasonable at this stage of the game with calling in a kidnapping sort of thing.. That is lashing out, and anger and I'm going to get you good kind of actions.. A good separation outline will leave less room for that kind of nonsense.
• 

  ozziepost

  Catlady and Beaker,

  Sorry to hear this. Have you got a custody agreement in place from a court? I guess that's in the wind but for now her so-called "christian" behaviour is there for all to see, isn't it? It shouldn't surprise us, but it does, just how low the R&F will go, whilst all the time boasting of their righteousness. Hypocrites!

  I hope it works out for you. Please keep us informed.

  Cheers, Ozzie