Dang, you sure have a way with words. That was excellent.
Thanks. I wish I had the same gift for relationships. It's just not fair.
growedup
Sometimes it just doesn't matter how much you care about one another
by imallgrowedup 19 Replies latest social relationships
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imallgrowedup
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codeblue
I believe you do have the "same gifts for relationships"....It is just a matter of meeting the "right person"....
I went thru a bit of questioning when my husband "walked out the door and left me".......I kept blaming myself. Yes, I am imperfect, no doubt about that. I had to assure myself, with a bit of reading about relationships (one such book: Mars and Venus Starting Over by John Gray), that simply this man "was not the right person". (of course his infidelities were a HUGE issue in our marriage).
Many hugs to you today....I am here for ya if you need someone to vent to.....please PM me....
Hugs,
Codeblue
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Special K
Hi Imallgrowedup
Yup, your right.
Sometimes life and circumstance just aren't fair.
And after reading you post a couple of times. My interpretation might be that the fence might represent the circumstances surrounding the flower.
I used to sing a song back a number of years ago and I've been practicing it lately for some of our fellow exjws' who are coming over to barbecue with me at the end of the month.
So imagine me with my little ole guitar singing that old Bette Middler song "The Rose".. and the last verse kinda goes like this.
.."and remember in the winter"
.."far beneath the bitter snow"
.."lies the seed"
.."that with the sun's love"
.."in the spring becomes the rose"..
you are right girl, sometime love and life just isn't fair.... been there as well many years ago.
sincerely
Special K
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imallgrowedup
I am so lucky to have such supportive friends on this board. Thank you, New Light, Moonwillow, Betty Boop, CJ, Puter, and Brummie for your understanding! And Sassy and Stef - yes, I know what we experience is similiar. Here are hugs for both of you, because I feel your pain, too. ((((Sassy)))) -- ((((Stef)))).
Lisa, you are right - I have the strength, and I WILL be okay. I amaze myself sometimes with the burdens I can carry - it is just that this one is more difficult than others. But I know I not only can - but WILL prevail!!! :-)
CodeBlue - Thanks for your offer to pm. I just may take you up on it. I'm sorry you've experienced pain, too. It's never easy, and it certainly is never fun! In my situation, it is not about infidelity - it is more about inaccessibility. Either way, it hurts. Sometimes I do make bad choices *hits self over head* - but I don't feel badly about this one - just the timing. Thanks for caring.
Special K - *passes award for expressing self to you*. Your words made me cry. You are right - at this time I am in "winter" - but I haven't given up hope for the spring. It is just that, even if it is cold, the sun still shines in the winter - and even in the winter, the seed receives essential nutrients from the sun. But right now, the sun is choosing to shine everywhere but on the seed - and can't or won't say why that it is necessary. The promise of the spring is there, but how can the seed receive the nutrients it needs to sustain the roots without the sun? The roots run deep - which shows the potential strength of the bush - (if the disease and pests don't kill it first) - if only the sun would not withold it's warmth and nutrients. The seed is beginning to shrivel, yet fights for the right to survive, because it CAN with enough sunshine. How can the sun tell the seed how important it is to it, but not give it what it needs? It goes against the laws of nature. The seed hears that chainsaw - or I suppose, the rototiller - and tries to hide - knowing that all it would take is to do so in the warmth of even the winter sun. ..... Thanks for the encouragement, SK. I hope that what you say about the spring comes true, and that the resulting rose will be the most beautiful flower God ever bestowed upon the earth.
Bebu - I know you haven't responded here, but I know you've read this. Just know that I love you - and I appreciate that you love me even though I know you believe it is better for me to just uproot the seed and it's roots and allow the bush and flowers to die on their own so I can take care of the tree under which I currently live. I know you want what is best for me, and your words always mean more to me than I can ever express. Friends like you only come along once or twice in a lifetime, and I don't want to hurt you because of my feelings and subsequent actions. Bebu, I can't help but love the sunshine and the bush and the rose more than the tree - or the shelter it provides. I acknowledge that this pulls me away from the rock on which my life is founded, but I agree with a statement you made to me that even the rock wants to see me happy. When the sun allows it's warmth to shine upon me, that is when I am happiest - and that is what I want. Thank you for loving me anyway.
growedup
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bebu
(((Dyane)))
I came across this post later than you expected. (Life is busier than I want these days.)
First, I know that God always accepts us; He can't love us more than He already does. You can't do anything to make Him love you less. How staggering!
So, be still and let that pour over you, and soak into you like a warm bath can. It is freeing; but also empowering to do what you did not think possible. And leave all possibilities with God.
Also, you have a PM.
bebu
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Sentinel
....if you notice any new green leaf or the birth of a small bud, you can believe and have hope. I think lots of relationships are held together simply by the belief that the plant is still a flower, when it's actually a tangled mass of weeds.
I built my first marriage on "hope" and I tried to grow something beautiful out of it. I was planted in a bad marital garden. I watered the plant, but the soil was bad to begin with. It was really hopeless. I just didn't want to accept it because I had invested so much of myself into the relationship. Sometimes a flower would bloom, only to quickly die. It was torture, but I was the only one who could fix "me". To do that, I had to leave my garden.
Reading your thread made me think back to those days....and this comes to mind. I don't know who wrote it:
"It only takes a moment. A moment of sanity. Clarity. A moment in which you know, deep inside yourself, that you've had enough. You've lived in pain too long. It's time to change."
I wish you the best.
/<
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Fed Up
I'm also sorry to hear that you're having a hard time. Brings back memories of when I divorced my first husband--didn't want to, and I THOUGHT we were happily married--but finding out that his girlfriend was living in our attic served as my wake-up call!
We all handle things our own way--but for me, well, thinking about our ruined marriage in terms of gardens and beautiful flowers wouldn't have done my mental health any good, so....
Post-divorce, I felt the need to get up in the morning to sing loudly, while dancing to an up-beat song that fostered more positive thinking. "Hit the Road, Jack" is always good, but my all time favorite is an old Paul Simon song called Red Rubber Ball...
I should have known you'd bid me farewell
There's a lesson to be learned from this and I've learned it very well
Now I know you're not the only starfish in the sea
If I never see your face again, it's all the same to me
And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
You never care for secrets I confide
To you, I'm just an ornament, something for your pride
Always running, never caring, that's the life you live
Stolen minutes of your time were all you had to give
And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
The story's in the past with nothing to recall
I've got my life to live, and I don't need you at all
The roller coaster ride we took is nearly at an end
I bought my tickets with my tears, that's all I'm gonna spend
And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
And I think it's gonna be all right
Yeah, the worst is over now
The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball
It's bouncing and it's shining like a red rubber ballHope things work out for you.
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got my forty homey?
Uhhh, what, you lost me................
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imallgrowedup
Fed up,
Ironic timing - that you resurrected this thread today of all days, as today is the day I told him I couldn't do it anymore. Hurts too much to love someone that will only give you a molecule of themself without explaining why. I don't hate him - someone else here on the board helped me to understand why I shouldn't and how to get around it - but living in constant pain/frustration is no way to live - especially when you darn near beg for just a morsel of them. Wish he could have been able to see past his own hurt in order to see that my strength could have helped.... oh well.
Sorry about the pain you've endured, and I'm sorry about the bitchy in-laws you now have to live with. I hope all goes well for you, too. Feel free to pm me if you ever want to. I understand where you're coming from....
growedup
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Fed Up
but living in constant pain/frustration is no way to live -
It sure isn't--that's why after leaving my first husband, I got up every morning and COMPELLED myself to do my happy dance, while playing music which REINFORCED the MANY reasons I left him--(as if his girlfriend living in my attic wasn't enough!), strengthened my resolve NOT to go back to him--no matter how much he BEGGED me to return--he even rented a room at the hotel I managed for a week and stayed there just to try to get me to talk to him! Thinking of my marriage in terms of a failed garden and singing "The Rose" would have KEPT me in pain--"Red Rubber Ball" brought me right out of it, boosted my self-esteem, and enabled me to face the day with a smile on my face! Another good one--"Time for Me to Fly" by Loverboy... "I make you laugh, while you make me cry...I believe it's time for me to FLY!" Great way to start out your day!
The only men who date depressed women are depressed men--do you want another one of those?
Within 3 months after leaving my husband, my song changed to "It's Raining Men, Hallelelujah!
And to clarify, I never said my in-laws were "bitchy", they're not. They're sickingly sweet--while they're sticking that big old knife in your back! I said they're WHORES, and whores ACT very, very nice! People who are MEAN and NASTY to you are NOT whores, because at least they are honest, and let you know it's coming so you have a chance to defend yourself against their attack. Whores pretend to like you so you will be distracted and caught off guard while they're screwing you over!
I don't hate my ex either. The opposite of love isn't hate--it's indifference. As long as you still hate someone, there's still some emotion, some feeling left. When you are indifferent, there is none. That's when you know you've truely moved on.
Moving on a quickly as possible just makes it that much sooner that you will be able to find the relationship that you truely deserve, one that is FUN, and that's what makes for a happy, fulfilling and LASTING relationship. Best of luck finding yours.