The Craptacular Pain Of Jealousy

by Obviously Secret 25 Replies latest jw friends

  • TallTexan
    TallTexan

    Hey OS...what's up? I know we've talked some in the chat room, but let me add my 2c to this one.

    It's easy to be jealous of other people and their successes, especially if it is a thing or situation that you really want in your own life. What's hard is to take the action required to correct whatever deficiences are present in your life to make you jealous of others. We're all only jealous when we feel like something missing. If we feel content, then we are happy for others when they have successes, but we don't feel jealous. You need to do some soul searching and find out what it will take to make you content in your life and then set out finding ways to achieve that.

    Now, you're young, so some expecations will be unrealistic. If you want a Porsche, that will take lots of time and effort (college, a good job, etc) - well, I guess you could just steal one......But other expectations can be met. You're way too young to be trying to have a serious relationship. But at your age, I remember how 'deprived' I felt when I saw all the kids in high school w/ a bf or gf and the enjoyment they got out of those. Of course, I couldn't have one because of the almighty word of the WTS. At that age though, relationships are important because they teach you how to function and interact with members of the opposite sex. So many JW don't know that and they end up married too young to the wrong person just so they can be in a relationship and have sex.....I know, I was one of those.

    If you're looking to hard for a relationship, it won't happen. My best relationships have been totally out of the blue, when I was least expecting or looking for one. If you act too jealous, especially over someone with whom you are newly interested in or just friends with, they'll get as far away as quickly as possible and spread the word that you're a psycho....lol. Try to focus the negative of jealousy into genuinely being happy for the good fortunes of others. When you do that, positive things start to happen to you. I know, because I used to be that way and am much happier now for having worked hard to change my outlook. (Of course, if your 'woman' is givin' digits to another guy, THEN you can be jealous....lol.)

    As for the guys who said 'get laid', that's not such a bad idea....lol. It helps to reinforce the fact that there are many fish in the sea and thus, if you lose one, even though it hurts there's always someone else out there waiting. Oh, and if anyone ever dumps you or doesn't reciprocate your feelings, it's better to know now, hurt, and get it over with then to find out 10 years down the road. Hang in there bud, and we can chat more on the boards.

  • Obviously Secret
    Obviously Secret

    sorry for not saying anything, nobody will prolly reply, but I really don't want like a married relationship with her any time soon. Lol I just want to be friends I could care less about a relationship that only ruins friendships. All I want a is a few friends cause I never had any before. No car no money (wouldn't mind some money but it doesn't matter) but thats all I want.

  • Corvin
    Corvin
    I feel that if the girl I like likes me back all my problems and worries will be out

    OK, but remember, just because she likes you back does not mean she will forsake all of her friends and family to be with you. We very rarely become the center of anyone's universe unless we are talking infant-parent relationships. She must be allowed to FREELY cultivate and maintain relationships with other people. You must do the same. If you take exception to that, you will end up making her nuts and drive her away. The jealousy thing is dangerous and leads to bad relationships if you are lucky enough to have one and lots of loneliness.

    I great book for you to read, actually two great books you should read are:

    Awaken The Giant Within, by Anthony Robbins and The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck

    Awaken has awsome chapters pertaining to understanding and using your emotions, even negative emotions such as jealousy, in the way they were intended. The book helps you to realize what your emotions really are and how they can serve you instead of mess you up.

    The Road Less Travelled is a very well written, easy to understand manual that takes you through everything from love to sex, to relationships, dealing with pain, growth and it is a rather pleasant journey. Very insightful. You will never be the same, in a good way, after reading it.

    Good luck,

    Corvin

  • ApagaLaLuz
    ApagaLaLuz
    The Road Less Travelled, by M. Scott Peck

    Great Suggestion Corvin, I loved that book!

  • RandomTask
    RandomTask

    Relationships are overrated

    Seriously though, I think you have recieved a lot of good advice here. And I know that simply saying "Stop being so jealous!" is not going to help matters either. It just seems that you put too much of your mental imagery and thought into wanting a relationship that it overwhelms the rest of your life. Dwelling on not having one is making you miss out on so many more important things. And might I add that your over the top desire for a relationship probably hinders your ability to be able to have one, and from what it seems from talking to you, I don't think you are READY for one.

    You need to concentrate on the more important things in your life right now, put relationships on the back burner and give the therapy a chance to help you. Give yourself a chance too. Believe that you can find a better place and don't give up on yourself, because if you don't believe in yourself then what good is wanting change?

    The JW's have the concept of "faith" wrong. And I don't care what the bible says, even though you may see in yourself no hope and no reason to believe, you have to have faith anyway and act as if your life change, no matter how much you don't believe it, just do it. Put forth the effort to make change no matter how worthless you think that effort is.

  • Obviously Secret
    Obviously Secret

    lol I wouldn't constrict her with anything. Just want to be friends. Wouldn't want to put her under pressure for 24/7. Would be immpossible anyways, parents would stop it after the first 2 weekends in a row that we see each other so lol ya ain't that. but I ain't gonna get laid anytime soon. So scratch that.

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