Yes, I did. Right up until December 2003. Even while disfellowshipped for nearly 14 years, I would still say to people that, no matter what anyone says, the JW's had the truth. I reasoned that any negative assertion made about the JW's were due to the actions and hypocrisy of an individual here and there, but certainly did not represent the entegrity of the entire religion, its leaders and its message.
Some worldly acquaintences I had, when they found out I was a JW, albiet DF'd, would tell me fantastic stories about JW kids they grew up with and how they acted and were treated by their JW parents. How their JW friends ended up leaving the organization because of the bullshit and abuse. I refused to believe it and would even say that some x-JW's are just pissed off and bitter because of their failure and inability to apply Bible principles designed to help them live a better quality of life . . . that they are in trouble spiritually for lack of faith and not doing things Jehovah's way. I even reasoned that those who only had an unclear understanding of the JW beliefs make up or exagerate things about the JW's. Ohhhhh yeah, what a total brainwashed good lil DF'd dub I still was.
Occasionally I would meet others with a certain air about them and I usually determine through the course of conversation and because of the way the person spoke, although it would never be mentioned, that the person I was talking to was formerly one of Jehovah's Witnesses. When I would ask, the person would confirm they were once a JW and wondered how I could tell . . . (kind of funny that you can still tell when one has a JW upbringing), the person would tell me that they no longer thought it was the truth, and I would say how I still thought it was and I was going to back one day. They never pressed me or gave me any documentation or reference for their new beliefs, so I of course assumed they had just lost faith or were under Satan's control.
One such person was a childhood friend of mine, Martha. Mary and I even had her over to the house for dinner one night. She asked me point blank if I thought it was still the truth, and I went into this stupid, typical and moronic lecture as to why I thought it was still the truth, defending the org and its governing body. She has not spoken to me since. I should find her and let her know how sorry I am for driving her away.
About a month before I found this forum, I was helping my kids to adjust to their new home here with Mary and I. The change in custody, from their mom and stepdad's JW home of turmoil to my worldly home of peace and love, was still rather recent. They were all attending professional counselling for the abuse they suffered in their mom's JW home and I was certain, at the time, that they also needed some spiritual guidance as well and I was insisting that they have a weekly Bible study with a mature sister and go to the meetings regularly. I also saw the situation as an opportunity to find my way back to the organization after 13 or so years, my kids being the the motivation I needed to return (didn't want them to die at the big A because I did not give them the mental regulations of Jehovah, you know). I had just recently told my oldest daughter that she did not have any option but to go to the meetings. God, the memory of the expression on her face when I said that makes me want to cry and then kick my own ass.
LOL, imagine the kids astonishment and disbelief when not long after that I said to them at the dinner table, "Kids, you how I said that I thought it was important that you keep going to the meetings and keep studying? Well, I just want to say that I think it was wrong for me to push and pressure you to do something you did not want to do. So, starting now, if you simply do not want to go to the meetings or study with a sister, I am not going to force, encourage, guilt or convince you to . . . " The attached pick is just about what my kids looked like when I told them it was ok not to go anymore.
I have come so far in just six or seven short months, and I can't believe how free and clear my mind has become since I let the sunshine in. I really do owe alot of you folks for my awakening. You gave me patience, honesty, kindness, documentation and references along with some pretty kick-ass links to learn more about what I already knew in my heart but could not get my arms around due to my ignorance. I admire and feel a kindred spirit with so many of you. Thank you and let's keep rockin' the forum!
Corvin
