We recently had a situation on the site which some may have heard about and want to explain what has transpired and also to clarify our policy in case a similar situation arises again.
A few days ago we received a 'complaint' that someone had been the victim of another poster who was was using the forum to stalk women as some kind of sexual predator. Naturally, as it was a serious allegation, we promised to investigate the matter and the personal friend who the person had approached suggested that they should send the evidence to me and that it would be dealt with.
Unfortunately, instead of waiting, the person decided to make a very alarmist sounding warning post which made everyone suspicious and led to speculation of who the poster concerned could be. Other topics were started talking about 'stalking' and harrassment which, together with comments made in chat, led many to believe that something serious was going on.
However, when I reviewed the Emails that were sent to me it became apparent that I was only looking at one side of a story and even that did not tally with the complaint that was made.
Instead of being a one-sided harrassment, it appeared to be consensual two-sided liason that quite frankly had nothing whatsoever to do with the forum. I think everyone would recognise that for use us to try and impose any kind of rule that people should *not* be able to flirt or make close friends would be rediculous and silly. People are grown up and responsible for their own affairs and actions.
However, when it did become a forum issue is when someone started trying to use the site and use the moderators to extract some kind of 'revenge' on the other party, who (it appears) simply decided to put the brakes on.
There was no stalking and no harrassment and it was simply a case of hard feelings after a relationship didn't go anywhere. If people want to have a relationship online then it has nothing to do with us. Also, if relationships don't work out then it is equally none of our concern.
As it was clearly none of our business and nothing concerned with the site, we suggested that the matter be dropped. Unfortunately, the person concerned decided she did not want to do that and again tried to get her own way and have some blame publicly pinned on the other party by requesting that we (the moderators) make an announcement that she had worded. We naturally refused.
After specifically being requested not the continue the matter she started yet another topic claiming that *we* had now victimised her and it was the equivalent of a rape victim being 'raped again' by being interrogated. The moderators were bombarded with PMs and phone calls from her.
Throughout all this the other person concerned, who had indeed exchanged intimate messages with someone but stopped, was honest and open and provided a full picture which was not at all one sided. Previous PMs tallied unlike the original complaint which claimed that worse PMs had scrolled off the system. When checking the backups, this was not the case.
Finally, after repeated requests to leave the matter, we had no alternative to suspend the persons account for 24 hours. That account has now been restored in accordance with the original terms of the suspension.
So, just to remind people:
We are forum moderators. We are not parents, nannies, chapperones, social workers or marriage guidance counsellors. If you want to flirt or have an online relationship then that is your business and your business alone. If you try to make it about the board, it's our business and we will close threads and give people time outs if necessary.
We take false accusations and attempts to get others kicked off seriously, we will not be manipulated into making dictated announcments. We will not just take someones word (and act against a poster without evidence) but will look into complaints to the extent at which the board is involved. We do not appreciate being accused of victimising someone when doing this simply because they have not got their own way.
We will not tollerate people complaining that they have been sent suggestive messages weeks or months after the fact when it was clear that at the time such messages were being welcomed and part of wider correspondence. We will not get involved in correspondence that people have outside of this site such as by phone or email.
Our main reason for posting this is that we want the situation to be clear and also because some untruths may be circulating about the situation. It is important that people don't get the incorrect impression that we will *not* investigate and take action if we need to if someone *is* abusing the site.
If you are ever harrassed or stalked on this site, please contact us and we will do something about it.
Do not come to us claiming that this is the case if it isn't because we *do* take these complaints seriously and spend time looking into it and if it is apparent that the complaint is malicious then that alone may be reason for your account to be suspended.