Happy Pills

by joannadandy 14 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  joannadandy

  There have been several posts here on depression, and I know many posters here have had to deal with depression. Heck we even have a section for depression related topics. So I wanted to come here for a little advice, opinion on drugs for depression.

  First some background:

  I know depression runs in my family. I know I have struggled with it before. It was really really bad when I was 16, and that was the first time I attempted suicide. However, after that failed, I managed to pull myself out of it. Call it pep-talk mixed with sick of feeling sorry for myself who the hell knows what else, but I was finally feeling in control again, and I did it by myself and was very proud of that fact. I was also glad no one found out about my attempt as I felt sheepish and stupid about it later. Also knowing I probably would have had to go in for therepy and "talk" if anyone had found out, and I didn't want that.

  People (friends and family) have always suspected I get in to little funks, but I am pretty sure none of them know how bad it was, or what I actually tried to do once.

  My mom was on prozac. (She was kind enough to annouce once that because I stopped going to meetings she needed it--thus it was my fault she was depressed--thanks ma, that helps a heap!) She quit the prozac. Recently she was on a combination of welbutrin, and some L-something or other. Both for depression. However, she felt the combination made her ill and she was just going to use the L-something or other one on its own.

  Again I think it is pretty obvious to my friends and family I am in a funk. I am out of work, just finished school, and found out there have been huge budget cuts in most schools, so no one is really hiring. There have been other things eating my brain, soul, and will to live--but the bulk of it has been work related worries.

  I personally don't think I am as bad as I was when I was 16, but I have been thinking about suicide a lot lately. Like way more than is healthy for any person to think about. I am positive I won't attempt again...but it does bug me I spend so much time thinking about it.

  Anyway--noticing my slump my mom suggested since she has three bottles of wellbutrin left, that I can have them if I want. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It makes me worry that I might be too dependent on them. And that if I did it once before by myself, why wouldn't I be able to do it again?

  So I am just curious...anyone tried any happy pills? Any major side effects? Having it to do over again, would you use them?

  Just curious...thanks in advance for any and all responses. I appreciate it.
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  Fleur

  oh baby, do i hear you. it runs far and wide and deep through my family trees; both sides.

  i don't think of them as 'happy pills' cause they certainly didn't make me happy. but they have helped me in the past when i was in a particularly bad state (had chronic major depression since 12, was dx'd at 21. it's a miracle i survived my teens. my siblings all knew i needed help, my mother's response was 'if she's going to kill herself, nothing i do can stop her." she didn't/doesn't still believe in therapists or pills.

  i have been on and off a certain anti-depressant since the age of 21. (pm me for specifics, but know in no way do i endorse one over another, i can only go by my experience and i only ever had to try the one to find what worked.) i stopped taking it several times, to have a baby, during my divorce (didn't want my ex to be able to point to that during the proceedings) and went back on them after diagnosed with a neurological illness in addition to the depression that they often prescribe this particular drug to help treat.

  well, i'm back off of them now, just because after so long on them i felt numb somehow. but that was after a couple years of continuous use of them. its like, nothing made me cry, but i didn't really laugh, i knew i was letting issues go with people that should be dealt with cause the meds took the edge off my reactions to the point of making me not care so much about anything. so i'm seeing what happens now.

  the dark thoughts have crept in a couple times. but i'm also rediscovering the emotional side of myself that has been numbed the past five years, and i want to see what happens. my doctors know about this. if i get too deep in that funk, i will know that i still need them and relent.

  anyway, i would advise anyone who has been even remotely considering suicide (let alone someone who has attempted before!) to talk to a professional doc ASAP about the situation.

  myself, i never tried xanax or any of the other sedatives cause addictions run in my family and i didn't want to go there. be careful with some of the newer drugs like Paxil which are being revealed now to have a HIGH addiction rate and are very hard to get off of. one of my sibs developed a bad xanax habit; idiot doctor kept refilling it, though i don't think she leveled with him about her addictive history. she's done permanent damage to her body not mixing buspar and xanax, which you are NOT supposed to do, you have to be sure that if you go to more than one doc, that they know what the other gave you.

  but anyway, there are good docs, and good meds out there to help you. think of it as a diabetic needing insulin. no one should make you feel guilty for taking it.

  your mom, geez. sounds a lot like something mine would say. she won't take medications, but i'm the one who 'ruined her life" you know by leaving jehovah. no guilt there. my mom guilts me for taking pills to 'escape'. they're not like that! the medication I take is not like that! she thinks if i came back to jehovah all my troubles would vanish (rolling eyes) what about all the years i was trying to be the best little girl at the hall and still thought about dying every minute of every day and how to best accomplish it?

  do what you have to to stay alive. give yourself time and get help, and heal. you can!

  i know the darker parts of me are hard wired in and i will always battle them. but i'll do so on my terms, to the best of my ability. even if there are days i think it'd be better not to wake up tomorrow, i look at my child and my husband and i know, it wouldn't be better for them. that keeps me here when nothing else can.

  find your true thing to hold on to; even if its hopes of what you want to have that you don't have now. hold on to that tight. you deserve happiness. you don't deserve pain. i'll be thinking of you.

  (((((((hugs))))))))

  fleur
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  roybatty

  I don't have any advice on happy pills or what works and doesn't work for treating depression. But I did want to wish you well and hope that things turn around for you.
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  gumby

  I've done anti-depressants and dind't like them. My problems were dub related and little chemical imbalance. The only pills that make me happy are narcotic such as pain meds.....which I don't do.......unless someone offers me a few just for the hell of it! They make me feel good, and part of that is because I ache alot anyway from badassback problems.

  Some do well on anti-depressants if there is a chemical problem involved.

  Gumby
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  Fleur

  yeah, they told me that was what i have, chemical imbalance. i'm just curious now if enough years out of the dubs, a solid happy marriage and all can help offset it to the point where i don't have to stay on the meds to stop me from doing something badly permanent.

  guess i'll find out. it's been about three weeks since i quit them cold turkey. one day at a time.

  i'm back to doing things i used to do, like crying at sappy tv commercials. curious that i'd stopped doing that on the meds. i always felt the feelings, just didn't physically cry.

  i think i have to have some good crys in the next couple months to get some chemicals worked out of my brain.

  of course, having a degenerative neurological disease which also causes depression on top doesn't help me much.

  hope things are better for you soon, joannadandy. meant to say before, you have really a pretty picture as your avatar, love the hair, pretty smile too. :)

  hugs

  fleur
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  Xena

  Hey jojo, sorry to hear you are have been getting into a "funk". I have bouts of depression too, they are a lot fewer than when I was a dub, thank goodness! Due to that and both my grandmothers committing suicide I was an automatic candidate for "happy pills" whenever I went to see the Doctors about my problem. I tried a few things but I have real issues with dependence...so I never stayed on anything very long.

  Nowdays I tend to deal with it by getting off my ass and doing things I like...yoga, dance, a nice long bubble bath, chatting with friends...instead of dwelling on it and letting it consume me. I also have a few friends who will indulge me for uuummm about 5 minutes before setting me straight about myself and life in general...I bet you have a few of those too

  I realize that this is just something that works for me and isn't for everyone, some people need pills for chemical imbalances they might have...at the end of the day you do what you have to do to keep moving forward, whatever that might be.

  For the record, your pretty, witty, smart and have a lot to offer...and don't you ever forget or doubt that!
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  kls

  Happy pills ? No they don't actually make you happy ,they kinda let things not bother you so much. I have been on antidepressiants for 15yrs and as far as depression in my family , well it runs rampant. I do think in most cases it is needed ,but remember if you do decide to quit taking them for even after you have been on them for a short peroid of time ,some people go through really bad withdrawl. Believe me i did and my son did and he was on only a few months.
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  Sirius Dogma

  Ug,

  JoJo-MoJo,

  Damn that funk! It is different for everyone and best to ask a doctor, but I can tell you what works and has not worked for me. Pills made me crazy..er. eh. crazier perhaps is better. I thought about suicide before, but never every tried it until I was heavily medicated by the doctors. For me they did nothing but make me feel like crap physically and I often wondered if the idea behind the pills was, if they feel like crap then the mental/emotional pain will seem less. That is probably not what they had in mind, but I felt really lethargic, unable to concentrate and suicidal when on most of the many many pills I was taking. My pain and problems were not really from anything that could be fixed with drugs. For me dealing with my life has proved much more useful. I remember reading that depression is not really being sad, sad is an emotion and often times appropriate, depression was more the absense of emotion. When I don't feel anything and don't care to feel anything, when I go completely numb, I am depressed. A bad habit of stuffing things down and shutting them off I learned, perhaps encouraged by the dubs. So when I start feeling 'the nothing' (no not from the neverending story) I start trying to think what I emotion should I be dealing with instead of ignoring. Then I usually get sad or mad or whatever, deal with and feel better. I don't know if this rambling makes any sense or helps, but I will be thinking about you anyways.

  hugs

  paully
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  Lehaa

  Hi Jo,
  Sorry about how you are feeling.

  I've suffered from depression on and off since I was 15.

  I don't refer anything I've taken as happy pills, as they don't make you happy, just make the really bad feelings easier to cope with.

  Have taken a few different things, bach flower remidies, Vitamin B, St. Johns wart, alchohol, pain relievers. Was on cipramil for a while and am now on Lexapro.

  My depression got gradually worse over the years and I have now been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

  I strongly recomend that you go and see your doctor and talk to them about what your going through. I also recomend that you go and see a psychiatrist as well. I see one every 6 weeks or so just to keep and eye on things.

  I have resigned myself that i will be on anti-depressants for the rest of my life. I'm not addicted, i have an illness and need to take medication to cope with my illness.

  I hope this hellped a little and hope you fing the answers you need and begin to feel better soon.

  Lehaa.

  P.S. If you want to PM me about anything pleese go ahead.
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  SixofNine

  You have nothing to lose ('cept maybe 12 bucks) by trying St Johns Wart. It was for me a subtle thing, but after I'd be off of it for several weeks, I'd notice that my angst and dispair where making me have bad thoughts *flagellates* MUST NOT! aarghhh... excuse me. Continuing, when I would then get back on the Saint J, after two weeks or so, I'd notice that I was back to my even keel, not having bad thoughts....upmf!! *beats head against corner of desk repeatedly*
  
  
  
  
  
  
  It's good you're talking about this; I hear people who are open about it are less likely to whack themselves.