What First Stumbled You? (page 2)

Fleur

oh my god.

that has to be one of the worst things i have ever heard. sadly, i have absolutely no doubt it happened exactly as you say.

i too have lost people i loved in the jws to suicide. one was a 'perfect' pioneer that i worshipped from afar, and last year, a dear old friend who was df'd and 8 weeks later killed himself. if only i'd known he was df'd, i would have reached out to him. he wouldnt' have had to be alone. i wrote long posts about both of them under my old username, i would bump them if anyone wanted to read them, if they're still here. or i can repost.

i'm so sorry, just so sorry beyond words.

i remember after my perfect pioneer committed suicide, the only person who gave me a shoulder to cry on and any understanding was a guy i worked with, who happened to be gay and had lost a lot of friends to suicide. i don't know what i would've done without his support.

it really speaks of the strength at your core as a human being that you made it through that day. you must be an extraordinary person. your friend was lucky to have had your friendship.

(((((confucious))))))

Confucious

Fleur,

My Best Friend committed suicide in part because he was a MS, a former Bethelite, and was removed because he went on a "Witness Cruise" and there were a couple of underage drinkers there (witnesses).

Because he was the "person in charge," he got the blame for it and they deleted him.

After that, it was really tough for him.

Imagine me and him riding together to a MS/Elder's meeting (I was also an MS) and HIM knowing that this was the LAST MS meeting he would be at - because the CO was there and he KNEW he would be removed.

About a two weeks after he was deleted as an MS, he killed himself.

The only good thing, if there is one - was that the afternoon before he killed himself, he cooked me lunch.

He NEVER did that before.

And I was wondering why he was cooking me lunch.

Anyway...

shera

Tssskk!

***hugs*** Not very nice stuff to go threw!

My reason sure isn't as harmful,but it was during WT studies and the info and scriptures didn't add up.

Fleur

my GOD! it just gets worse! he was deleted for...and then because he...oh god.

I literally think I'm going to be sick!

but oh, confucious, i'm so glad he knew how much you loved him, i am certain that was what the lunch was about. i can only imagine that you wish you could have known what he was planning to stop him, i hope so much that you don't carry any guilt over that. he knew what he was doing, though it was a very sad choice, he made it and i'm so sorry for all it cost you, and him and his family.

i just don't know what to say except i am so sad. i wish i could've told both the men i cared about who committed suicide beforehand that i loved them. maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. but there would have been comfort in knowing they knew.

i think one of them did, the more recent suicide. but he was doing the 'right' thing, shunning me and not speaking to me.

look where doing the right thing got him; a far too early grave.

i will remember your friend, and your pain.

this is JUST another reason on my LONG list of reasons I will NEVER be a Jehovah's Nazi again! (and i apologize in advance if that phrase offends anyone, it's the only one that fits in my mind right now. murderers. so many of them have blood on their hands, makes me wish i believed there was a god who would exact vengeance on them for it.

but i don't.

Confucious

Fleur,

Yes. I've been accused before of NOT being a good friend.

Sometimes that's justified and sometimes not.

But I was 27 at the time and he was 32.

It was the first time in my life that I really felt like I was a good friend.

Most people, when it comes to suicide, have regrets. They think, "Oh, what could I have done."

But at least I have the peace that I did what I could have.

Two days before he died, we were talking on the phone. And he told me that he loved me.

And for the most part, GUYS usually don't say that kind of stuff to other guys.

The whole thing still haunts me to this day.

Confucious

Fleur,

BUT, now that I think about it.

When I was ALSO deleated as a MS later on.

I was also suicidal.

I guess my friend SAVED my life, because I see how hard HIS suicide affected me and other people.

BTW, today, I'm MUCH better.

Boards like this help.

Not to mention, Holy S#it...

Could I stop field service long enough to give the Watch Tower Bible and Tract Society of Pennsylvania Incorporated a reality check???

Fleur

i'm so glad you're getting stronger. i'm sure your friend would be happy to know that you did not die because you knew what it was to lose someone like that. i know on my darkest days when it seems like it would just be so easy to let my fingers slip from their grasp that i think of my husband and daughter and i cannot condemn them to that misery. i love them too much.

i hope that people lurking, *waving* hi lurkers, i know you're here. i was one of you once *smile* read this and really ponder over it.

how many of you have lost friends to suicide for stupid, senseless reasons like their being deleted as an MS over some stupid people's actions? how many have taken their lives because they were molested and couldn't tell/weren't believed, because they were young and maybe slipped up once somewhere and believed god could never forgive them (knowing the borg never could). how many died because they were gay and couldn't handle the JW condemnation of it? how many women die by their own hand to get out of abusive JW marriages? i was very nearly one of them.

senseless, senseless deaths. please, let them have meaning now by making sure that you or anyone you know have someone to go to, to help them, to make them understand that no matter what they tell you that the JW way is NOT the only way to live your life.

there is joy, there is goodness in people outside the kingdom hall doors. in fact, it's much more prevelent outside than i ever found it to be inside.

don't give up, don't let them beat you down. get out. we have. you can too. it isn't easy, but nothing in life worth having is. and freedom is definitely worth it.

rough evening for me, lots to think about here and elsewhere and a bad health spell right now too, so i'm likely out for the rest of the evening.

take care everyone, please be good to yourselves.

hugs

fleur

Soledad

I can't stand that term, "stumbled." ick.

What I Friggin HATED was being an outsider--everywhere. An outsider at school, in the congregation, with my family. I couldn't fit in with anyone anywhere. that has affected me a lot, still to this day.

notperfectyet

Confucious, that is the worst story I have heard. I am sooo sorry.

Fluer, you are a great person and I pray your health gets better.

I have so many stories, and as I read this post, it doesn't matter telling them.

My son came over yesterday, the ms who is the fireman, when I put him through college to do what he wanted to do was shunned, now that he is a paramedic/fireman he is stink on skunk with the congregation.

He brought me the June 1st watchtower, told me to read " Do your cirmunstances control your LIFE?' article, what a bunch of crap and mind control that is. He loves me dearly and the feeling is mutual.

I wanted to puke, and he thought he was helping me and my inactivenes.

I am out because of the crap they write, the last page of the watchtower was " To do or not do to others"..anyone read this? made me want to throw up.

Ok, shunning is ok... But we have to do unto to others and we are ok...but it is not nice to us when others slam the door in our faces because we are good...ok I am rambling...but I am upset, haven't read a watchtower in a while, now I see it with new eyes.

I was a whole souled, dogmatic witness, and this is the third year I wasn't invited to their big 'ol party at the lake thingy, and believe me the elders who weren't invited will have a meeting about the ones who went. It's only a matter of time for my son, his wife who is every mom in laws dream is another story.

I love my son...but pleezee someone help me.

starfish422

A six-foot lad with green eyes and strong arms...

Confuscious, I am so sorry about your friend. What an awful experience. (((HUGS)))

What First Stumbled You?

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