I just wanna share an experience of mine, I hope it will help anyone with a related issue. Im 20 years old, I still live with my parents and go to school full-time. For 17 years I was a JW on and off.
When I was 18 I met a lovely girl at work, who just happened to be a Mennonite Christian, what luck eh. The most beautiful and wonderful girl I ever met is the enemy. We both knew are belief differences but still persued a relationship, the draw was just too strong to put aside. After the 1st couple months things were cool and then the ideological fights started and it was like God himself was testing my spirituality. At this point my parents were just deciding to go back to meetings after a year's absence and then they found out about my interest in a certain person that the Borg just wont approve of. Heck if she wasnt religious they probably wouldnt have a beef with her at all, they probably just would've wanted me to slowly reel her in.
Her and I both couldn't take the fact that our relationship wouldnt work with this kind of indifference. She was absolutely sure of her faith and belief, while I was still a little foggy with mine, so she was counting on a change from my side, or rather a decision as long as I was happy with it.
We broke off our relationship after a few months, but a few days later we got back together again, trying to reconile and understand each other, even though we still knew it was hard. Aftter those few days it was almost as if God was telling me, "don't give up on this". I started attending her church to get more details, seeing as how I had never known what modern christians believed in. This was an experience I tell you, I thought they were the biggest bunch of weirdos. Telling my parents about this was the only thing I could do, it was bothering me to much, it brought them to a point of breakdown, seeing as how I was just an apostate to them. My dad threatened to kick me out of the house if I didnt stop going to her church. That night hearing what they had to say about what she believed was so heartbreaking, i dropped to the ground, i lost all feeling in my legs. Even though I couldnt defend my reasoning for going, because I really had trouble believing what they had to say, (eg. trinity, the diff. style of singing and such) I kept it up. Then some weeks later I had seen my dad got into a major depression and with drinking. It didnt help that his dad died just a few weeks before. I had to make a decision. I told her that I was going back to the meetings. She was devastated, and things just broke down, it was almost as if we became bitter enemies. But after I did that, something wasnt right, I didnt want that, my heart didnt want it. I never could step foot in a kingdom hall again, it was a strange sensation, something was almost physically holding me back.
After some talk we got back together, I decided to go to her church again, determined to find something.
Another 6 months later, we came to a point whereI had to make up my mind, I either commit to the JW faith or change to a christian. It was great to be with her but something was saying, this just isnt right, I felt like i was actually going to die for choosing to be with her and not follow the JW's . A few days later where there was still some comm. between me and here, we couldnt stand being apart. We were comparing our bibles, when I started noticing the little differences that the NWT bible has from the NIV version which didnt make logical sense. I prayed to God to help me with it I and asked if he could just come into my life and fix this mess of a faith I had. Almost instantly my mind opened up, I was looking at what the JW's were saying about blood, heavenly hope, and all of there crap and decided THIS ISNT FOR ME.
It felt as if this huge brick came off my chest, I was finally unplugged from the collective. From then on I was born again, I was a new person, I actually had a relationship with Christ. For once religion wasnt just listening to a bunch of old farts continue to rant about being a slave for Jehovahs great and mighty organization. It was about how much love Christ displayed for me in his sacrifice and the freedom he gave me and the rest of humanity. From this point I was able to share my experience with my girlfriend and instantly I could learn and actually believe where she was coming from. I still have some conflicting issues from my childhood, the memories and thoughts just dont completly disappear, i dont think they ever will. It almost feels like im learning to walk again with a replacement pair of legs.
My parents have become more understanding of my situation even thou they still dont fully approve of it. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now, and I can say I love her to pieces and want to spend the rest of my life with her. As your reading this you may think as a lot of people have, that i was coaxed into this or just doing it to be with her. Your right, for the first few months I was, but from when I decided I didnt want to attend the meetings anymore, I was seriously striving to search for a relationship with god, even at the expense of my girlfriend. I felt so depressed and empty when i was spiritually inactive.
As a christian, life has never been better, the ability for free thought and a relationship with God, is priceless, I still think it is one of the most important things the JW's are missing. Their stupid time slips and magazine placements are the only things that count, its sad really.
Now here I am surviving what I thought was going to kill me. I never ever thought things would turn out the way they did, I thought our relationship was doomed to fail no matter what. I thank God all the time for the strength to persevere when i needed it.
Thanks for listening.