Once a cheater always a cheater? (page 2)

Dan-O

People cheat for different reasons.

Bingo!

Was his cheating a one-night event? Or an on-going affair? Sometimes the reasons for cheating are as simple as some mis-guided ego drive that feeds on the attention, or an internal need to do something "wrong" and dirty. More often, it's because something is missing (or is perceived to be missing) in the primary relationship.

Forgiving, or breaking up is a decision for the two of you, and not for your friends or anyone else. If you believe the relationship is worth saving and you are both willing to put in the effort to save it, I would recommend reading some of the books by Dr. Willard harley. He has guided a lot of couples through infidelity. He also has a website: http://www.marriagebuilders.com.

Good luck.

Aalena

It started as a "one night stand" but he went back for a second run the following weekend while telling me he was at a professional sporting event. I caught him the lie when he came home. He wouldn't admit to it until I told him exactly how I knew where he actually was and then he couldn't deny it any longer. This is the day after he told me if he was ever going to think about being with someone else he would break up with me first because he doesn't and never will believe in cheating... mk...

Apparently he also lied to the girl he slept with about who he was, what he did for a living and of course didn't tell her about me until I let her know who I was. I was torn on whether to contact her, but I knew he wouldn't do what he should do and tell her about me so I went ahead and did it. I am not sure if it was right of me or not to do that. I know it helped my anger a lot... but I think she had the right to know the truth as well since I knew he was lying to her and she didn't know what she was dealing with. I bet she thinks twice about going home with some guy she meets in a bar next time... and I wasn't going to let him off the hook and just let it fade away by simply cutting off contact with her since she lives 4 hours away.

Tests for diseases was the first thing I did. I lucked out on this one thank god...

Lehaa

You were right in telling the girl, she had the right to know exactly what she was getting herself into. I think doing it would have taken a lot of guts.

Did you get my PM, I had trouble posting it.

Lehaa

It's ok just checked my messages

ApagaLaLuz

Not too long ago I was certain that I had found proof of my significant cheating on me. I was absolutely devastated. I was sick and shaking and couldnt understand why. I moved out and offered him no chance to explain. I talked with my oldest sister about and she asked me if perhaps maybe I was reading too much in to things. Eventually I cooled off and heard his explination. Would you believe it actually made sense. I think it was good for us though because we realized that there were some real problems that really needed to be addressed. I think it scared him a little bit too to see what my reaction would be if he ever really did cheat. As for me, THAT's the closest I've ever come to being cheated on. I think if someone feels the need to cheat then that means there are problems in the relationship obviously.

It's a terrible terrible feeling to be cheated on. And how even more terrible when someone cheats on their mate and brings home a disease. I'm glad you were smart enough to check for that. And I hope you find the strength that you need in the following days. You rock girl!! You know that, and dont settle for anything.

Love_Truth

Love is built on (among other things) trust, and once the trust is broken or betrayed, the love can never burn as bright as it once did. Forgiving your mate won't fix the basic underlying problem, or restore the trust and love- I'd move on and find someone you can trust- but it's obviously your call.

stillajwexelder

Once a cheater, always a cheater! It's just a matter of time 'til the next occurrence.

I hope not - my wife cheated on me a while ago - whilst we were studying but before baptism - I forgave her but it still pains me to this day. I hope she does not cheat again

Sassy

I am not sure if my bf cheated on me.. some think he does. I hope not. But I did catch him in something close to cheating, in that he was having phone sex with women on the net.. telling them he was single and even lied about who I was when I walked into the room when he was talking to one on the net and had the cam on. He really really hurt me. I have tried to forgive him but I have also warned him that once that trust was broken, it takes longer to heal and more work on his part to earn it back..

Many of my friends think I should have left him.

You have to do what is right for you. If you can't get past it eventualy, then you know you need to move on, but if you want to give him the chance to forgive him, then you do just that. If nothing else, you will know you gave your all, and all the cards are on the table.

sf

"Fool me ONCE, shame on YOU".

"Fool me TWICE, shame on ME".

It's my opinion that if [you, and you alone] DO indeed take the risk of entrusting them AGAIN (it was a risky move to begin with), then YOU, and YOU ALONE will be one hundred percent responsible for YOUR actions (in taking the risk, again).

It's strictly YOUR choice in what YOU choose as the risks YOU take in YOUR life.

No one forces another to take the risks YOU choose in life...unless the 'gun' is loaded and pointed at your heart and/ or head.

sKally

SixofNine

While I don't believe the premise "Once a cheater always a cheater" holds true necessarilly, I do think you have good reason to be thinking about leaving this guy. The lying when caught, and even lying to the other girl to get in her pants... it doesn't sound promising.

But one other angle to look at, Aelena; you are 25? you've been in this relationship for 8 years, since 17? Maybe you should look at this as a godsend? Because honestly, if you're like most women, you are going to be wanting to cheat very soon, for various reasons (the fact that a 30 year old woman is horny like an 18 year old male not the least). This gives you an opportunity to leave the relationship honorably, and move on ~ first to getting-to-know-yourself-outside-of-a-relationship, and then getting to date and see what a variety of men are like.

Once a cheater always a cheater?

Share this