ex-JW for life?

by doogie 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  Lady Lee

  Just as abuse was a part of my life and I survived and recovered from that so too being a JW was a part too that I survived. As we grow and deal with more parts of the past and how it affects us it becomes a smaller and smaller part.

  When I first went into recovery for the abuse it was the only thing I could read, feel or do. Now it is an important part in that I try to help others to heal but I have developed so many other things in my life that it becomes a much smaller part. Same with being a JW and now an X-JW.

  The only way I will stop being an ex-JW is if I go back and that ain't gonna happen. So the plan is I will be an X for the rest of my life but it won't be all of my life - if you know what I mean
• 

  doogie

  The only way I will stop being an ex-JW is if I go back and that ain't gonna happen. So the plan is I will be an X for the rest of my life but it won't be all of my life - if you know what I mean

  that's a good way to put it. we are who we are because of our past. but we are not our past.
• 

  gaiagirl

  I think some of the previous posts have touched on this, so I'll just expand on it a little...

  Defining ones self as an ex-JW, or an ex- anything is looking backwards, not forwards. We are all to an extent the product of our past, but we don't have to be defined by it. If our past is less than we might have wished for, we can rise above it, we can grow, and become something greater than what we used to be.

  One stops growing when one stops learning. Don't let the end of your JW experience be the end of your lifes learning experience. If nothing else, you have learned where you don't want to be, now find somewhere you DO want to be. It doesn't have to be a religious organization, or even an organization at all.

  Go to a bookstore, and browse through whatever seems the most interesting section of the store. See if a title jumps out at you. Or check a local newspaper concerning upcoming events in your area, and see if something you'd like to attend is coming up. Continue to have your eyes and ears open for things that might appeal to you.

  Keep doing this until you find something you really enjoy doing, something which you actually look forward to participating in, something which makes you feel good about yourself.

  Then you can define yourself by your present, and expected future, rather than by your past.

  Jane Wiedlin had a song in which one of the lines was "regrets only keep us where we used to be".

  Put your regrets behind you and move forward

  Bright Blessings
• 

  gitasatsangha

  Labels have whatever meaning you put into them. Personally I don't feel like part of a "Group" of ex-Jws". I post here, and I like reading the different lives everyone has here, and sometimes how our lives are so similar due to similar backgrounds, but I'm not fooling myself. I don't really have any connection to anyone here,and that's about the extent of that. I do have an interest that the JW's stop killing their own through blood transfusions, and limit their children's education. That does bother me, and I don't find that easy way to end that attachment.

  Just let the process go naturally. X-jw, apostate, disfellowshipped, all those things will bleach in time like a shirt put through the laundery too many times. It will be a faded label, will little meaning, and in the end you will remain.
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  Lady Lee

  Defining ones self as an ex-JW, or an ex- anything is looking backwards, not forwards.

  Hmmm well the past for me was being a JW. The present is being an EX-JW. And I have no idea what the future holds except that I hate going backwards.

  I was a studnet at one time. Now I am a graduate. Just after I graduated it was a lot more important to me than it is now - except for when I apply for a job. They my status as a graduate is very important.

  When I do public speaking as a survivor of abuse or cults my status becomes more important in that context than it does in other contexts.

  Certainly here our status is more important than when we are doing other things

  So I think in some ways out status depends very much on context. And since I don't spend ALL my time here then my status as an ex-JW varies
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  Outaservice

  While I'm totally 'deprogramed' myself, I hang around sites like this, as I want to help and support others who need and ask for help as many did for me when I was coming out.

  I don't spend much time trying to talk JW's out of the Organization, but I do want to support those are new and have questions.

  Outaservice (for good)
• 

  Junction-Guy

  Well for several years when I was younger I was able to an extent to block it out of my life, but basically I consider it living in denial. As long as I have family who are witnesses it will always be an issue for me. I cant go back and pretend that everything was normal growing up, when it was quite the opposite. I can only go forward, however it will always be something I carry with me the rest of my life, I can only hope to use my experience to help others see the truth about the WTBTS, and hopefully help others to not make the mistakes that my family and I made.

  Dave
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  cyber-sista

  I guess I really don't have an exact answer to that question right now. I am still in the processing and gathering stage. One day I hope to not be so sensitive or hurt by what I have been through with the Org. I do want to educate myself as much as I can in order to help others who are coming out. I had a lot of this help when I first left and it has been a lifesaver to me--I want to pass it on to others. One thing I will never do, though, is to identify myself to anyone as an ex-JW (not a great conversation starter nor a good way to make new friends!)

  cybs
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  Brummie

  We will always be exjws in this lifetime, its part of our history and we dont have to rub it out like they did.

  Even when we are over it 100% it will still be a part of who we are, its not a bad thing being an exjw, its better than being a JW, being an ex is a good thing as long as it doesnt stop us being productive.

  Oh yeah, dont forget to have that beer :)

  brumm
• 

  Sunspot

  **Defining ones self as an ex-JW, or an ex- anything is looking backwards, not forwards. We are all to an extent the product of our past, but we don't have to be defined by it.

  I pretty much agree with this. I don't define myself as an exJW----it's more like a "survivor" mode I think. A Stroke survivor--a Cancer survivor--an abuse survivor--a WTS survivor.......in that sense. It was a part of who I am and I couldn't get away from it any more than I can get away from having blue eyes.

  I don't see a day when I won't speak out against the WTS happening any time soon----because I feel so strongly about it. Thirty years of enduring something cannot be forgotten quite so easily, especially something that enveloped and influenced my entire life so heavily. It's a "recovery" just as any type of recovery is, in my opinion.