Help - she's turning him into a 4yr old Borg!

by Ray Skyhorse 10 Replies latest social family

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  Ray Skyhorse

  My ex and I share joint custody of our 4 year old boy. We share physical custody of him every other day. Lately, he has been regurgitating JW doctrine to me about about death, paradise and Jehovah. I really don't like him absorbing all of that JW crap from his mom, but there is not much that I can do about it.

  I would like any comments from the peanut gallery about how to verbally respond to him. I have been saying things to him like "Jehovahs Witnesses don't celebrate birthdays...good thing we're not Jehovah's Witnesses!" or "Jehovahs Witnesses don't celebrate the Fourth of July....good thing we're not Jehovah's Witnesses!" (whenever celebrations like these occur.) But how should I respond to him about comments he makes about death? I don't believe in an afterlife and I am agnostic.

  Also, should I start telling him that his mommy is in a cult? Would that be a wise thing or a foolish thing to do? Perhaps I could create a relationship in his mind between "cult", "bad" and "Jehovah's Witnesses". Maybe I should make a little book about cults for him and read it to him regularly? What would such a book say? How do present the idea to a 4 year old? Does anyone have any reading materials on the topic of innoculating your child to cults?

  I don't want him to think that Jehovah's Witnesses are bad people per se, because they are not. I just don't want him to believe everything his mom tells him without saying anything negative about her.

  Thanks,

  Ray
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  Lehaa

  I would not start saying anything negative about his mother or the Borg. I reply to my son when he says that sort of stuff to me " Well that's what some people believe and other people belive other things, but it's up to you what you believe." you could add, "do you want to know what dad believes."

  Kids are smart and he will start to work stuff out for himself.

  The other night my son wanted to say a prayer before dinner, in that prayer he asked to help mummy so she could talk to her friends at the kingdom hall again. I'm disfellowshipped and there father is still a witness. I was flabergasted and immediately though that that must be what his father says in his prayers, don't know my son may just have been saying what he tinnks.

  Kids say a lot of stuff they're not sure of as they try to process the information they get.

  Don't start talking negatively about what you're ex wife believes it will only confuse your son, he will repeat what you say to his mother and do you really want to make her angry. You don't want your son to believe his mother is a liar.

  Just tread carefully and think about everyting from your son's point of view.
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  RandomTask

  Provide alternate beliefs, don't trash the witnesses though as this will usually backfire. Just provide him a choice.

  Also, make sure that in whatever you teach him, that when it comes to beliefs there are many ways to think about things. Make sure he learns this concept. Just basically I would make sure he knows to have an open mind about everything.
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  Yerusalyim

  If ya don't have something to offer...another point of view...and offer it...he'll go the way of the borg.
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  jwbot

  Don't bash his mothers beliefs.

  Tell him what you believe, and show him other religions out there and what they believe. Tell him that many people believe in a lot of things and how good "freedom of religion" is.
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  Joker10

  If you don't want to say that Jehovah's Witnesses are bad people, then don't say anything. With you as an influence your child will grow up knowing what's good and not good--hopefully.
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  Ray Skyhorse

  Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses. One of the things that cults are good at is repeating the same messages over and over again until they are part of the recipient, in this case a small child.

  I feel like I'm walking a fine line here between responding to his comments vs. sending out a sufficient stream of propaganda myself. I guess what it comes down to is, "do I fight JW propaganda with my own propaganda or should I only reply to his comments".

  I certainly will tell my son about my beliefs whenever he brings up the subject of Jehovah or JW teachings and I will do so without trashing JWs or his mom. However, is this enough to counter JW brainwashing? When he does not bring up the subject, is it ok for me to say things like:

  "witnesses don't celebrate birthdays but we do" or "jws don't go trick or treating but we do" or "jws don't give or get christmas presents, but we do" (I would only say these things if I had an opportunity, I wouldn't say them out of the blue). What else could be said along these lines? Could this kind of thing backfire? I don't think that this type of message trashes the JWS or does it? I want him to get the message of "us and them (JWS)".
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  XQsThaiPoes

  Ray this will backfire. It is also not healthy. It is better to teach him to be an open minded person that thinks for them selves then to make him think the jw religion is restrictive therefore wrong. Also July 8th 2004 awake let jws celebrate birthdays and holidays. THe problem is old school witnesses will ignor that issue.

  It may actually be good if he is old enought to understand how even jws dont agree on everything and he will have to decide alot of things for him self. Remember contrary to some oppions jws do not brainwash. They use peer pressure. Teaching a child to go against peer pressure is already part of the program for a parent. Also with a balenced view a person can be a JW and be well adjusted. With out a vested interest in this it may do more good having one resonable more JW voice on your side.

  Fortunately you are agnostic and dont have the bias of feeling you have the true relgion and he will go to hell for being a JW.
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  Corvin

  You might try going easy on him, so as not to confuse him too much.

  "You know how there is really no such thing as Santa and the Easter Bunny? Well, what mom is telling you is sort of like that. It is a nice fairytale to believe in, but it is just a fairytale".
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  Brummie

  I know you do this already but just love him more than they ever could, its your strongest weapon against their coldness and what he needs more than any religious argument.

  brummie