Sick of it all!

Beloved

I need help. <--Look! At least I'm not in denial :)

I'm a JW along with my parents.

My family has been pretty rough to me, my dad especially. He used to throw me around and hit me. When I had a 103 fever, they would poor ice cold water over me while I was sleeping and made me get up for church. I could never miss it, even if I had a fever, migraine, flu, etc.

When I was 17 (last year) I ran away. Jumped out my window and just went. I ended up at my girlfriend's house (who doesn't have a specifed religion, she's learning about them all) for about 9 months. I lived with two other people during the school year so I could finish high scool. I graduated, and my stay was over. I ended up at my brother's house in Canada (I live in Michigan). He's a JW. He doesn't always practice it, but basically does. His wife is as well, and so are the two wonderful children they had together.

I haven't seen my girlfriend for a month now, and I only talk to her once a week for about 10 minutes. We're still going strong. For the fourth of July, I was supposed to go to her house (she's had bad experiences with the holiday, and I wanted to be there for her). My brother said I could go, and the plans were made for her to come pick me up that Saturday. Friday night comes, and my brother tells me it would be a bad idea to go because my parents were coming up to speak with me, and his wife didn't like the idea and got mad at him. I had to call my girlfriend 20 minutes before midnight and tell her it was off. She was devistated, and so was I.

It's no secret that my parents hate my girlfriend. They dispise her and called her a slut to her face.

I just want my parents to accept me for who I am, and let me make my own choices. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half, and we're still in love. My parents wont change that, but if we get married, and want to be able to invite them, and have them not bite her head of.

So, my question to all of you: Why is it that JWs can't have relationships out of their religion with parental consent? God doesn't want hatred. He wants togetherness, but why are we so seperated? Why can't we speak to those out of our religion?

Sassy

I think from talking to you in Chat today although it isn't as clear in your thread today, that your parentes are also JWs. I think you mentioned you have been pretty much been forced to the in the religion. Many of us were raised as JWs so we understand how that is.

You are no longer a child, so at least they can no longer force you to be a witness...

But the witnesses do have rules.. do not marry an unbeliever.. your girlfriend is an unbeliver..... actually if you never got baptized, so are you. I see you got baptized... that makes it tricker for they will try enforce rules on you..

they can't disfellowship you for having a 'non believer' but they can if they know you have sex with her.

Jim_TX

Greetings, and welcome to this forum. I hope you stick around.

First - if you are still living at your brothers' in Canada - you need to try - as best as you can - to get away from there. But you know that already.

Now - to your questions...

"Why is it that JWs can't have relationships out of their religion with parental consent?"

One word - Control.

"God doesn't want hatred. He wants togetherness, but why are we so seperated?"

One word - Control.

"Why can't we speak to those out of our religion?"

One word - Control.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

Regards,

Jim TX

Nosferatu

Damn, sounds similar to my life!

Friday night comes, and my brother tells me it would be a bad idea to go because my parents were coming up to speak with me, and his wife didn't like the idea and got mad at him.

This kind of stuff is all too familiar to me. Control is coming at you from all angles. Did your parents actually come over? From what you've described, you're 18 and you're an ADULT now. It's time to quit running on everyone else's schedule; your parent's, your brother's, the JWs, and whoever else is telling you what to do. You have a life, and you have your own schedule to develope. Make time for your girlfriend, she's sounds like she's being incredibly supportive throughout this whole thing. You NEED that support. It sounds like she's the only one in your life who is offering it.

When I was 20 years old, I was living at my parents' house, paying rent, and my father tried putting a curfew into effect. I basically thought, "why should I pay rent here and have a curfew, when I could pay rent somewhere else and have freedom?" I ended up moving in with my girlfriend and her dad. They were incredibly supportive throughout the mess I went through. After my dad tried to stop me from taking my belongings out of the house, and was getting printouts of my bank account, I quit talking to him for 1 1/2 years. Me and him have never regained the relationship we once had. I'll tell you something, I prefer it that way. Looking at my parents after I moved out was a real eye opener. They're not very nice people. That's just the way they are, and nothing's going to change it.

Do yourself a favor, drop everything you're doing tonight and take your girlfriend out after you read this message. Take her out for a fun activity (bowling, pool, roller skating, go window shopping at an unusual store, whatever) and have some fun with her. After you're done, go back to her place, and tell her that you appreciate her support throughout your difficult time. She's your support system right now, don't lose that. Leave on your schedule, and come home on your schedule. It's your life, embrace it.

Sassy

that's right.. this is similar to your story Nos

Beloved

I want to thank you all for your responses.

Control seems to be a big thing in my life right now, which is why I want to get out of it. At first, I thought I was the only one who thought that, but thank you for proving me wrong.

I would absolutly love to go out and be with her, but I can't drive yet, legally, and I don't have a car. If I were to leave, I'm sure my brother wouldn't let me back because his wife has controlled him as well. I miss her incredibly. I can't even talk to her right now, I've got a couple more days until I can call her for those wonderful 10 minutes.

She is my support, and no, I haven't told her that, but I intend to soon. I love her. I just wish my parents would understand that and let me see her.

I need to get my life under control, you're right. But I can't sem to. I graduated, and had to immediatly move to my brothers. There is a job lined up for me, but it apparently isn't going very well. I would be out of here as soon as I can, but I have no place to go.

sunshineToo

O.K. Beloved. Let's face it. You cannot change your parents, and they are not going to change their thoughts unless their society tells them to do.

If your brother is more supportive, stay there and go to college. Try to get a good career. Keep in touch with your girlfriend, but you really need to think about your future.

I don't know how your parents are. But my mom was very much shunning and hostile toward me when I DA'd. But now she is very nice. Maybe your parents will change or will not. I don't know. One thing for sure, don't try to hang onto them too long. It's time for Plan B.

This board will give you excellent advices. Put up a post whenever you have a question.

Lostreality

You are smart my friend, I can see that by your post. If you need to get away from all of that, there are some great jobs down here in Beaverton, and I would be MORE THAN HAPPY to help you out, let you stay at my place for a while. Anytime you need it man, im there. Ironicly, im in nearly the same situation. My parents havent called my girlfriend a slut to her face, but they far from approve of her.

ball.

I agree with the above poster who says this guy is quite smart. But my comment to add is - growing up is hard to do. I'm 33 and have just about made it. If I can give any advice on leaving the witnesses at a young age is to make sure you set yourself your goals. Just because you leave a "high control group" doesnt mean you need to loose all your morals or any sense of where your life is going. PM me if you need help.

ApagaLaLuz

I'm sorry darlin!! Being raised a JW and finally leaving especially at a young age is a very very difficult thing to do. I too grew up in an abusive household because of teh religion. I cant tell you the times I was beat up over something JW related (or just not cleaning the coffee pot right).

She is my support, and no, I haven't told her that, but I intend to soon. I love her. I just wish my parents would understand that and let me see her.

You are lucky to have such support, it does help to make things easier, and make sure you DO tell her as soon as possible. I too agree that you sound very smart. I dont know what advice to add other than be strong. Be very very strong, dont give in. The one thing that always helped me get through things whether it was money, or where I was going to live, was the saying "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger". This is indeed true. And you can only image the strong person you will become after you finally get through all of this. Believe me you will get through all of this, and maybe one day you'll be online telling others your story. PLEASE keep us updated. there are alot of us on here, so almost any issue you stumble across we can address for you. I will send happy thoughts and positivity your way *muah*

Sick of it all!

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