"Before I met the Lord, I was all hooked up on drugs,now thaqt I met the Lord, I'm all hooked up on the Lord..." Cheech and Chong Skit
A question for those recruited as adults
by kls 21 Replies latest jw experiences
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Nosferatu
Before my mother joined, she was miserable, and physically abusive toward me and my brother. After she joined, she was miserable, and physically abusive toward me (my brother went to live with his dad), but this time she had a reason: God says use the rod. The "rod" can take many forms, ie bamboo backscratcher, shoe, hair brush, coat hanger, or even a fist.
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RR
... bamboo backscratcher, ...
Ah, those work well. Ever have a plunger broken over your head? Or beated naked with extension Cord or Telephone wire? Or beaten so bad with the broom, that you had to miss school because the bruises and swelling was so bad? The best part is .... my parents were never JW's, at least if they were, I could excuse them!!!!
RR
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talesin
kls
My aunt's story is similar. She is only 5 years older than me, and we were lifelong friends. Oh my, I can't tell you the fun we had together when I was a kid (you know, in my early teen years). The laughs!
She never wanted to be JW. She hated it. Never attended the KH or did FS. She had a normal childhood, as my grandparents never were baptized or practiced JW, they just 'believed it'. However, they were not willing to give up a 'real life' to be a drone!
She married her high-school sweetheart. He was a musician. Had a brood of kids. Fast-forward 15 years. Over the years, the family wore him down and got him studying. He turned JW, ALL THE WAY. She resisted, did NOT want to join.
About 10 years ago, she called me up. We got together. She was planning on getting baptized. NOT because she believed, but because her husband was pressuring her, their kids had been converted, and the rest of the family was pressuring her. She just couldn't take it anymore! She told me she would no longer be able to see me, that it broke her heart but that's the way it had to be. I have not seen her since.
Follow-up: Last week, a young woman walked into my store to pick up rings for her upcoming wedding. She spoke. My eyes filled with tears. It was my cousin (aunt's daughter). She did not know me, but SHE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE ME. It broke my heart. All I could do was tell her who I was. I asked her if she thought it was sad that I was not to be invited to her up-coming wedding. If it was sad that my nephew just got married and not only was I not invited, I have only met him ONCE in his whole life. If it was sad that I was forbidden to go to my parents' 50 anniversary. All because of one small thing I did as a teen. By now, I was crying. She said, 'yes, it is sad'. (in a very JW, robot-like fashion) So, I told her to tell her mom how much I love her, and miss her. I added that if she ever leaves the religion, to PLEASE PLEASE look me up. She said she would.
So, to get back to your question .... (sorry)
My aunt's husband was the sweetest, kindest man on earth. He had no drug or alcohol problems. He would do anything she wanted, treated her like a queen. I have only spoken to him once since he converted, but he is no longer the same man. His eyes are sad, he is wooden, no longer lively and full of fun. And my aunt, what can I say? Her life is over.
Yes, they can change a good person into a robot, even when they join up later in life.
I'm so sorry that you are going through this, for so many years. He must have been an amazing man for you to wait so long for him to see the light! I hope he comes around before it is too late. :(
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kls
Wow Talesin, that is really sad, when i read posts like that i get so angry and spitful twords people like that
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Alleymom
Alleymom, i have told him how he changed and he tell's me it is all in my head. He was raised Luthren and i was raised Catholic.
{{{ kls }}} That is just so sad. Is there any way he would agree to marriage counseling? If he thinks it's all in your head, do you think you could ask him to come with you to counseling so YOU can get help dealing with YOUR feelings? I taught Lutheran Sunday School for years. It makes me feel bad to think that your husband was raised Lutheran (a church which emphasizes the priesthood of all believers) and turned from that to an organization which is SO high-control and which strongly discourages independent thinking. Could you gently remind him of the good times and memories of the past by looking at old photo albums or home movies? (But I am afraid that would just make YOU feel worse). Somewhere deep down it would seem as if he ought to recognize how much things have changed. Part of him must miss the wonderful feelings you had for each other when you first fell in love. Praying that things will improve ... Marjorie
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bem
my husband was * not a drug addict, not a drunk. When he became recruited he became abusive , controlling,and down right mean .
* edited your words cause they fit my situation really well,Except mine was always mean. and the recruiting seemed to give him even more permission to be a jerk!
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waiting
Yes, I think MANY persons change when becoming jw's. Some good, some bad, some just trading badness for a new badness.
The ones who can't change enough? Well, I think they're the ones with migranes, constant stomach problems, depression, etc. The WTBTS tells them it's the pressure of "This ol' system of things" and the jw's buy that.
But I've come to believe in our family, after exiting, it was the pressure of mind control by the WTBTS, as many of our physical problems just "went away" after leaving the cult.
And yes, parents can be beaters/killers/molesters whether in or out of the WTBTS. Mine were atheist & Catholic.........and cruel.
waiting
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cyber-sista
My sis was a compassionate and loving mother to her children. She spent a lot of time with them teaching them and playing with them--always sweetly loving and attentive to their needs. Now her sons are Dfd and she doesn't speak to them at all. She has cut them off completely and now speaks of them robotically. It is like the invasion of the body snatchers--what have they done with my sister!
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Alleymom
My sis was a compassionate and loving mother to her children. She spent a lot of time with them teaching them and playing with them--always sweetly loving and attentive to their needs. Now her sons are Dfd and she doesn't speak to them at all. She has cut them off completely and now speaks of them robotically. It is like the invasion of the body snatchers--what have they done with my sister!
{{{{ Cyber-sista }}}} I bet you are a good aunty to your sister's sons. How sad these stories are! Keep hoping ... Marjorie