In the aftermath of our shattered faith, for those who also wonder.....

by Frannie Banannie 55 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  outoftheorg

  HI FRAN'

  I WENT THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE NOW GOING THROUGH AND AM STILL GOING THROUGH IT.

  EVENTUALLY, LITTLE BY LITTLE I BECAME COMFORTABLE WITH, "I MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER KNOW ANYTHING SPIRITUAL ,THAT I COULD PROVE".

  I THINK THAT MOST OF THE BELIEFS WE ENCOUNTER ARE THE RESULT OF SOME ONE OR GROUP COMING UP WITH BELIEFS THAT MOST CLOSELY FIT, "HOW THEY WOULD LIKE" THINGS TO BE.

  THINGS THEY ARE COMFORTABLE WITH AND THAT WOULD SAVE THEM FROM THEIR FEARS OR GIVE THEM THEIR DREAMS.

  IF THERE IS A SUPREME BEING AND HE/SHE IS INTERESTED IN OUR WELL BEING, THEN RELAX AND LET THINGS BE.

  IF THERE IS NO AFTER LIFE, THEN RELAX AND LET THINGS BE.

  I CAN FUSS,FRET,CURSE,SEARCH,ASK,WORK,PLEAD, GOOF OFF AND NOTHING CHANGES.

  I KNOW NO MORE NOR ANY LESS.

  I TRY TO LIVE AN HONEST CARING LIFE. AS I FEEL IT OUGHT TO BE AND AS I SEE OTHER CONTENTED GOOD HONEST PEOPLE LIVING, AS A GUIDE.

  I RECALL THE TIME WHEN I FELT I HAD TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AND NEVER ADMIT I DIDN'T KNOW SOMETHING OR MADE A MISTAKE. I HAD TO BE RIGHT IN EVERYTHING. NOT ONLY RELIGION.

  I NOW FEEL MANY TIMES MORE RELAXED AND COMFORTABLE SINCE I LEARNED TO JUST SAY "I DON'T KNOW" WHEN EVER--I DO NOT KNOW.

  ONE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS OF A CULT MIXED IN WITH A HIGH CONTROL FAMILY LIFE, IS THE BELIEF THAT WE MUST ALWAYS BE RIGHT AND KNOW THE ANSWERS.

  IF NOT, WE ARE CONDEMNED, AS STUPID, WEAK, UNBELIEVER, NOT WORTHY AND MOST OF THIS COMES WITH SELF CONDEMNATION ALONG WITH THE JW'S AND FAMILY.

  WE FEEL WE ARE NEVER CAPEABLE OFLIVING LIFE WITH OUT DIRECTION. FROM THE CULT AND FAMILY OR MATES.

  WE BREAK FREE, SOMETIMES SUDDENLY OR NOT OF OUR OWN WISH AND WE ARE ALONE AND NOW MUST THINK FOR OURSELVES.

  YES THIS PERSON WHO QUESTIONS CONSTANTLY HIS/HER ABILITY TO LIVE LIFE, WITHOUT OTHERS DIRECTING IT NOW HAS TO MAKE DECISIONS FOR "OURSELVES".

  NO WONDER WE FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE, FEEL THE NEED FOR ANSWERS.

  BETTER IF THEY ARE BLACK AND WHITE. NEED NO ANALYSIS OR ASSESSING.

  BUT WE GET TO EXPLORE, TRY, WATCH OTHERS, READ THE WORK OF OTHER INTELLIGENT PEOPLE AND THEIR LIVES. EXAMINE, STUDY, AND LITTLE BY LITTLE WE COME TO REALIZE THAT, "HELL MAN, I AM FREE" I CAN THINK FOR MYSELF.

  I CAN SCOFF AT HUGE ORGANIZATIONS AND INDIVIDUALS. OURSELVES OUR PARENTS, OUR SIBLINGS IF WE WANT. IS IT SCARY? YOU BETCHA. BUT IT IS ALSO FUN, RELEAVING, MISCHIEVOUS, GRATIFYING.

  IT ALL COMES IN TIME. RELAX AND LIVE YOUR LIFE AS YOU SEE THE CHANGES IN YOURSELF TAKING PLACE.

  NOW I REALIZE THAT I DO KNOW MORE. I AM LEARNING. I LEARNED FROM YOUR POST AND THE REPLIES.

  JUST MY 2 CENTS

  Outoftheorg
• 

  WildHorses

  The best thing that has come out of all of this is the great feeling of freedom that has come along with it. Not having to worry about man made rules.
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  Yanno, Outoftheorg? I totally agree with you....that makes good sense....and that's all we really need to do is make sense of the dilemma, eh?

  But.....secretly......I'd like to have some "input" with that supreme entity that may or may not be guiding things....he/she could actually engage in two/way conversations with us, eh? and also rush it up a little bit when we need help, dontcha think?

  Frannie
• 

  Atilla

  I wish I had time to wonder but I'm so busy trying to get an education and work at the same time. Maybe one day but perhaps I'm better off being busy.
• 

  WildHorses

  I THINK THAT MOST OF THE BELIEFS WE ENCOUNTER ARE THE RESULT OF SOME ONE OR GROUP COMING UP WITH BELIEFS THAT MOST CLOSELY FIT, "HOW THEY WOULD LIKE" THINGS TO BE.

  The problem with that in my experience, is that some of these people feel that if it's what they believe, that is fact and that those who do not believe as they do are damned to hell for all eternity.

  I work for a woman like that. She said she was born into one religion but switched to another because they believe the same as she does. The girl who works with me doesn't want to go along with me to clean her house anymore because this woman tells her all the time that she needs to get married to her live in boyfriend because she is sinning. Well, if she is that much of a true 'Christian" and believes what is written in the Bible, she has just condemned herself because according to the Bible you are not supposed to judge. I wonder why so many 'Christians' fail to see that they do this?

  IMHO anyone can believe as they wish. I will respect their beliefs but please, don't tell me I have to believe the same. Just because they believe one way doesn't mean it is the RIGHT way.

  Ok, I am finished babbling now. LOL
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  AAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHHH! I just wanna nail down SOMETHING to believe in....I just feel so "waffley" about beliefs....I guess it's better than running around being adamant about beliefs and lookin' like "Cheeses' " icon, eh?

  Frannie B
• 

  outoftheorg

  "You just want something you can nail down and believe in"

  OK. NOW, DO YOU WANT ME OR SOMEONE "NAME THEM" TO DELIVER TO YOU A SET OF BELIEFS?

  PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU WANT FROM GOD AND AFTER LIFE ETC.

  HOWEVER YOU CAN NOT ASK GOD TO DELIVER A SET OF BELIEFS.

  HE HAS PROVEN MANY TIMES OVER, THAT THIS DISTURBS HIM, AS HE HAS NEVER COMPLIED AND DELIVERED A BELIEF SYSTEM TO ANY ONE INDIVIDUAL.

  THOSE WHO CLAIM HE HAS ARE LYING.

  THAT WILL BE THE JOB OF WHICH ONE OF US YOU CHOOSE, HERE ON THIS FORUM.

  NOW- YOU TELL US YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT DEATH, AFTER LIFE, MARRIAGE, SEX, ANYTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU AND WE WILL CREATE YOUR OWN CUSTOME SET OF BELIEFS.

  DO YOU WANT THIS ON PARCHMENT PAPER OR A SILVER PLAQUE. YOUR CHOICE HERE WILL OF COURSE BE ADDED TO THE FEE FOR A BELIEF SYSTEM.

  THERE IS OF COURSE A MUCH LESS EXPENSIVE WAY OF OBTAINING YOUR OWN CUSTOM BELIEF SYSTEM.

  MANY PEOPLE HAVE TRIED THIS AND ARE SATISFIED. IT IS ALSO NOT GOING TO COST YOU ANY MONEY BUT IT WILL TAKE UP SOME OF YOUR TIME.

  DO IT YOURSELF

  GET A PIECE OF PAPER AND WRITE OUT WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE AS A BELIEF SYSTEM. IT HAS BEEN FOUND THAT IF ONE DOES THIS AND ADHERES TO THIS SYSTEM THAT THEY ARE SURPRISED AT THE RESULTS AND PLEASED.

  Outoftheorg sorry couldn't resist. never give me an opening.
• 

  BrendaCloutier

  Because I'm a Sexual Intellectual (a f*ing know it all) I want to "know", too. But I've given up on that, for now. I believe in our tiny human minds that the source questions of the universe are unanswerable, because the answers are unfathomable to us.

  I believe in the Big Bang as the start of the universe and life as we know it. I belive "God" (He, She, It, They - far from any concept man can devise) started it. Just like baking a cake - we humans mix our ingredients in a certain way, pour them into a cake pan and subject them to a certain amount of heat for a prescribed time. Science happens and we have a cake. I think the Big Bang was the result of the baking time and temp- you bakers know - it expands and then sets. By divine plan, the universe took shape and divinely directed evolution took care of the genetic developments.

  Is there a god that cares for us? As individuals? No, I don't think so, not directly anyway. I do believe there are beings that do care for us, individually and collectively, hence the occurances of guardian angel sightings, ghosts, and demons (I believe there is evil out there, too), etc., and these beings have a heierarchy and responsibility, but not necessarily free will. I do believe in Jesus Christ (I do not claim to be a Christian), but his responsibilites are far more than the Bible records. Again, I only think I have the barest comprehension of something that I have no capacity to fully understand.

  I also believe in reincarnation. I do believe there is something after this earthwalk is done, but I am responsible right now for this life, cleaning up the past, making way for the future, and enjoying now as best I can.

  Hey, I barely understand how gravity works and why the sky is blue! I do know why the Green Flash sometimes happens at sunset.

  Hope my 2cents help. I'm sure that's about all it's worth in the larger scheme of things.

  Bren
• 

  Sunspot

  **I do however believe there is a God/Godess. I just don't believe he/she can be found in any book written by humans.

  Frannie,
  How MANY of us struggle with these issues! It's quite a jump from having ALL the (bible) answers ala WTS---to starting back to square one and admitting you don't know diddly about much of anything. Talk about an "AWAKE" up call.

  At first after I left, I was still gung-ho as a JW
  minus the pressure (pleasure) of not having to go to meetings. Then as I went to boards like this---I saw through the chinks in the armor of the professed "WTS-based (and biased) bible teachings. I still believed in the Paradise earth, Armageddon and all the rest of the WTS stuff. Then I gradually came to see that the beliefs were SO twisted that I didn't believe a WORD of what they said or why I ever believed them.

  Things that were there all along but I was too brainblocked as a loyal JW to "see" them before.

  That made me more depressed and unsure of anything, bible-related. But that changed too. I went through a time of bitterness at all the years I had lost to that hideous organization, and I was *really* angry with God for letting me fall into that pit for 30 years and taking my children with me. I still don't know why I was "allowed" to swallow the WTS crap, when I had prayed SO hard to be shown if this was indeed, a mistake.

  Now I've come to a whole new understanding not of myself, but what the bible actually says about Jesus and his love and mercy. His message of giving TO others and FOR others, and kindness---and the fact that his load is light and NOT full of burdens and sacrifice to a publishing company. That's as far as I've gotten as of this stage in my life, and I'm quite comfortable with it.

  I don't have any deep answers, or don't claim to be a whooping-hollering bible thumper, the "praise JEEZUS" type, but I *do* know that the standards and laws that he preached about are not heavy or burdensome. Most of it is plain common sense and treating others as you like to be treated. The WTS muddied the waters that Jesus said were the waters of life. Doesn't the WTS end up ALWAYS making everything MUCH bigger and MUCH more complicated than need be?

  Jesus didn't make things complicated---why does the WTS make it that way? Why do they beat his sheep the way they do?
  Whatever the reason---it will be exposed someday, I'm sure of it.

  I wasn't (or haven't been) quite ready to accept that God does not exist, even after spending all those years "thinking" I knew him---although I could just as well have gone that route too. So many exJWs DO, and it's easy to understand why.

  I just took things one step at a time, as any "student" does. Since I was forced to go back to pre-school, that's where I ended up. No problem, I can handle it. I can now admit that I was hoodwinked, lied to and deceived----and have decided to pick up the pieces and go on from there.

  The main thing is.....that I no longer feel that "urgency" to have all my questions answered, and as I said, I'm comfortable in *not" knowing, or if I ever *will* have them answered. it's just not that important to me right now.

  I love you, Frannie, and hope this has helped you, even a tiny bit.

  hugs,
  Annie
• 

  Frannie Banannie

  OK. NOW, DO YOU WANT ME OR SOMEONE "NAME THEM" TO DELIVER TO YOU A SET OF BELIEFS?

  PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU WANT FROM GOD AND AFTER LIFE ETC.

  HOWEVER YOU CAN NOT ASK GOD TO DELIVER A SET OF BELIEFS.

  HE HAS PROVEN MANY TIMES OVER, THAT THIS DISTURBS HIM, AS HE HAS NEVER COMPLIED AND DELIVERED A BELIEF SYSTEM TO ANY ONE INDIVIDUAL.

  THOSE WHO CLAIM HE HAS ARE LYING.

  THAT WILL BE THE JOB OF WHICH ONE OF US YOU CHOOSE, HERE ON THIS FORUM.

  NOW- YOU TELL US YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT DEATH, AFTER LIFE, MARRIAGE, SEX, ANYTHING THAT CONCERNS YOU AND WE WILL CREATE YOUR OWN CUSTOME SET OF BELIEFS.

  DO YOU WANT THIS ON PARCHMENT PAPER OR A SILVER PLAQUE. YOUR CHOICE HERE WILL OF COURSE BE ADDED TO THE FEE FOR A BELIEF SYSTEM.

  THERE IS OF COURSE A MUCH LESS EXPENSIVE WAY OF OBTAINING YOUR OWN CUSTOM BELIEF SYSTEM.

  MANY PEOPLE HAVE TRIED THIS AND ARE SATISFIED. IT IS ALSO NOT GOING TO COST YOU ANY MONEY BUT IT WILL TAKE UP SOME OF YOUR TIME.

  DO IT YOURSELF

  GET A PIECE OF PAPER AND WRITE OUT WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE AS A BELIEF SYSTEM. IT HAS BEEN FOUND THAT IF ONE DOES THIS AND ADHERES TO THIS SYSTEM THAT THEY ARE SURPRISED AT THE RESULTS AND PLEASED.

  Outoftheorg sorry couldn't resist. never give me an opening.

  ROFLMAO, OOTO!!! Crikey! Did I ask for that or what?!!! (throws fit in floor, wailing and pounding fists, "I wanna control God! I wanna control God!)

  Frannie B