On Shunning (page 2)

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I better not see then near my family either.

Translation: I thought your god wanted you to shun me! Get your ass out of here ya damn hypocrite!

I agree 100%

dorothy

Garybuss, I agree with everything you said! It is right on the money!

"When in doubt, shun them out!"

**I like it. I hope it continues. It reveals people's true character. It's been a wonderful way to identify and eliminate useless people from my life. Those who shunned me years ago have seen that I was not kidding when I said if you shun me, you start it but I end it . . .

Gary,

I agree with your view and your stand 98%. My only concern with the other 2% lies with my own conduct in having done the same thing. My oldest son was baptized at 14 and was DFed at 19. When the article came out in 1981 about shunning, I took it to heart (as a loyal dub does) and even though it hurt me terribly, I stopped all association with him. My other nonJW kids were shocked and were here every few weeks begging me to reconsider, that my son was VERY bad off emotionally, etc but I stuck to my guns and did what I thought Jehovah wanted me to do.

I have since tried and tried to make amends, but he (now married and has three children that have no contact with me living here in a small town) has so much hatred for me he will never see me again. So I see it from both ends of the spectrum.

My oldest daughter is a haughty, arrogant super-fine regular pioneer elder's wife, and has done some horrific things to me since I left the WTS. It took her three months to reply to a phone call to one of my nonJW sons after I was in the ICU and near death. THEN---she announced that she was coming up by plane and would be here on a certain date. (control---dontcha LOVE it?) My hubby answered the phone when she arrived in town asking when she could stop in and visit me......and told he she wasn't welcome here any more. A few folks think we were rather harsh, but I am quite comfortable with that decision. Simply put, I want nothing to DO with her or her phony sympathy.

I can, and have, decided that a few others who I've been "tolerating" for the past few years, are now being mentally dismissed by me too. The rest of the family that is now not speaking to me (nonJWs) because I didn't travel 400 miles to a JW relatives funeral---that I've explained and explained WHY I didn't go----I wasn't holding any animosity for HIM---but I couldn't see why I should go all that way to a JW infomercial at the KH, for someone who had banished me from his home. It doesn't make sense and others think I'm being petty, or that I WAS being petty, and that was not the point!

ALL this pain and anger from all sides (that is still going on)----is caused by the WTS shunning policy!

**and I will never end it. No one who has shunned me is EVER welcome back in my home or in my life. I better not see them near my family either.

I totally understand why you feel the way you do! If and when my son ever decides to have a change of heart, I'm fairly sure that I'd make an exception----although at this time I'm just not completely sure. I realize that I did shun him first. But he's had years to read and respond to my letters but has only told my other son that it's too little too late kind of thing. I may not wait forever on opening my hand and heart in friendship. He HAD been a JW and knew the ropes, as it were.

It's all so complex, and there are years of frustration and hurt looming over our heards, as with every other family that has been forced to live with this hideous practice. Nevertheless, I have become rather selective in my friendships now, and as you said, Gary, we need to eliminate those in our lives who are useless, or as I refer to them as toxic. Those who choose to inflict pain and carry poison are gone. That's MY choice and I'm happy with it. Too bad it took me 63 years to realize that.

hugs,

Annie

garybuss

Witnesses think shunning and snubbing are religious tools. Tools to be used to control people. They do not know people like me who see rejection as rejection and take it personally and permanently. We have boundaries and once those are intentionally crossed we raise the fence high enough to prevent that person from ever breaching our spaces again.

If Witnesses think they are punishing me with shunning they couldn't be more wrong. They are giving me what I want. They just need to remember never to contact me again ever.

Annie, I appreciate reading your experiences. I hope it all works out in a way to your benefit.

I am appalled that some Witness people will shun and snub me and then contact me when they want something like the shunning never happened. That is not okay. I think I have put a stop to it by putting a stop to them. They forget I get to end it and I will not end it, ever for any reason. This is the way it will all end and all by their choice. I never asked to be shunned and snubbed. They started it but I am in charge now:-)

DanTheMan

We all have the right to the pursuit of happiness and to find a faith that renews and motivates us to be our best. Being humans and experiencing growth all the while we are "here", what may be just the "ticket" for us personally at one stage in our life---may not fulfill the same needs a number of years later.

Well said. Being someone who converted as an adult and who has no JW family, shunning hasn't really hurt me all too much (sticks tongue out at governing body "neener neener neener"). As a matter of fact I'm surprised at how seldom I see my former cult associates in public, only 2 or 3 times in 2 1/2 years, living in a big city has its advantages I guess. But how many people who are raised in the cult get all gung-ho at 12 or 13 and get baptized, only to come to the realization a few years down the road that "the way of the truth" ain't necessarily "the best way of living" - so ridiculous that they have to deal with this emotional blackmail from their blood relatives for the rest of their freaking lives if they DA or get DF'd.

I totally agree with telling your daughter that she wasn't welcome to visit.

czarofmischief

I can, and have, decided that a few others who I've been "tolerating" for the past few years, are now being mentally dismissed by me too. The rest of the family that is now not speaking to me (nonJWs) because I didn't travel 400 miles to a JW relatives funeral---that I've explained and explained WHY I didn't go----I wasn't holding any animosity for HIM---but I couldn't see why I should go all that way to a JW infomercial at the KH, for someone who had banished me from his home. It doesn't make sense and others think I'm being petty, or that I WAS being petty, and that was not the point!

Wow. What an incredible double standard. I concur with Gary on this one, you can ditch those SOB's and forget about them... Amazing that they would consider you "petty" for such a thing, when they shun you in the same petty manner!!!! Ridiculous.

CZAR

Double Edge

When the article came out in 1981 about shunning, I took it to heart (as a loyal dub does)

You mean shunning was never a policy BEFORE 1981? Just asking, as I was never a dub. Thanks.

sunshineToo

I think shunning is a very cult like practice which is also very distructive.

Sunspot

**You mean shunning was never a policy BEFORE 1981? Just asking, as I was never a dub. Thanks

Hi Double Edge,

When I was baptized (1972), it wasn't even talked about very much. I don't even recall anyone being shunned or sitting in the back of the Hall, or anything like that. The only references I heard about were some families that had members who were DFed but they didn't come to the meetings or anything---kind of a non-issue.

Later on there was some mention of not asssociating with such ones in the mags, but it still wasn't a big deal or pounded on as it became later on. It was in the summer of 1981 that we got the Watchtower mag in the mail that had two full "study" articles dealing with how we were supposed to be viewing DFed ones, family and otherwise.

I think it was discussed as a congregation some time in the Fall, and that's when the Elders cracked down on families who had more than a "family business" contact with them. This is when other JWs would "rat" on others if they saw you socializing, eating, shopping, etc with a DFed one...........and it's progressively gotten worse since then.

It's no accident that the WTS has REALLY enforced this rule since the internet became so popular! It wasn't like going to a movie that others could SEE you walking into (or out of) or going to a bar or a club or a church for a funeral, etc----because being on the computer was done in the privacy of your own home, so they had lost the CONTROL over what the JWs were doing....AND what they would SEE and discover!

So we see these talks and articles all geared to the horrors of the internet AND the increase of "awareness" on how JWs are supposed to view the "discipline" of shunning---due to the simple fact that so many JWs are finding out just how slimy and deceptive the WTS---and telling other JWs about it! So the WTS keeps pushing back by trying to keep the JWs away from those that have left...........years ago you'd never have heard this shunning discussed like it is today.

I'd have to say.........it's another "sign" of the times.......of the last days-----of the WTS.

hugs,

Annie

cyber-sista

I was baptized in 1982 and studied for a few years before that. The shunning thing wasn't then as it is today. The way I understood it then (or so I was lead to believe) is that if you don't live like a JW you can no longer be called a JW or allowed to particpate in certain religious activities, though you were always welcome to attend the meetings. As far as Dfd family members I was told that your family is family and family business continued on as usual. I think the congo I first attended was pretty liberal as far as JW doctrine and a lot of the WT doctrine was candy-coated in order to attrack new members. From what I hear things have changed a lot in that area too. The congo members have changed several times over and few original ones are left there. Same with the last congo I attended. I have noticed that JWs in the areas I have been tend to move around a lot and complain about the last congo they were in --how it was having problems in one way or another, so the imperfect congo was blamed and not the WT Org who controlls the whole mess.

Kind of tricky too how they don't give you that little theocratic rule book (was it Organized to accomplish our ministry?) until after you get baptized. I didn't get a KM until after I was bapitized either, even though I had studied and gone to meetings for a few years.I think the hard and fast rules are hidden until you're already in too deep--shunning being one of them.

On Shunning

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