my last contact with my mom

by doogie 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Sentinel

  (((Doogie)))

  For your own balance and well-being, you have to learn to "let go". She is doing the only thing she knows how to do, and that is to manipulate you through "love blackmail". You are each on your own path, and she has chosen her path for now, and you have chosen yours. I know you only want her love and respect, but she cannot give this to you, because of her indoctrination. Perhaps someday she will come to see that.

  You have such empathy for your mom, but don't let it destroy you. She is asking you to deny your own heart. Wouldn't the supreme being "know" you were denying your heart? Of course. But there are only two sides to the coin for her and others like her. She sees only the black and white of the JW rules and regulations, and she lives in fear and guilt that she will be found unworthy. What a frightening way to have to live one's life, especially among our own dear family.

  If you continue to be excessively depressed, then by all means, seek out a counselor who is very knowledgeable about cults, especially JW's. We are fortunate, that today, there is help for those of us who bear extremely sad and uncontrollable emotional situations. Sometimes we just need some help.

  Hope you and yours are able to build a good life together and get this "monkey off your back". Life is beautiful and meant to be lived honestly.

  Karen
• 

  Bubbamar

  i was just thinking about something along these lines. do you think it would be worth it to offer to go to meetings for a few months or something if they'd look at some info that i'd send them? (UN stuff or crisis of conscience) i personally think that it would be futile to try any kind of trade off, especially because i would continually be leaving myself open to hope that they would come around. i think that being open to hope is what leaves people so vulnerable when it doesn't happen.

  Well, I think you are right - futile attempt to hang on to a shred of hope. Bargaining is part of the grief process...in the end we must still ACCEPT. Steven Hassan says in Releasing the Bonds that as long as they are alive, there is hope that they will leave-- because cults, by their nature, disappoint their members. I think its okay to have hope as long as we get our needs met elsewhere in the meantime.
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  Sassy

  I agree with Sentinel.. when we make our decision to no longer believe, we have to accept some things, like the fact that family members do so it changes our relationship. I miss my mom.. I have to accept if I dont go back, I may never have her back in my life.
• 

  detective

  Wow Doogie, that stinks. I'm sorry you are hurting. I think the idea of sending flowers is nice, if you remind yourself that it is just a gesture, and not get your hopes up that it will melt her heart! I found the Steven Hassan book, Breaking the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for themselves was pretty helpful to me in thinking about a long term goal of a positive relationship and how to help make it happen. I found it interesting and took advantage of some tips in it.

  I never sent flowers to my beloved, but I did offer a variety of one time "gestures" without any (apparent) strings, in hopes that my friend would know that I was there for him no matter what. I say "apparent" of course, because on some level I hoped each gesture would finally crack that cultish attitude and get my back my true friend. Those gestures weren't always easy to extend and at times, I felt very resentful that I continued to reach out to my friend while feeling slapped in the face. It's important to balance keeping the door open without being a doormat. Ultimately, you have to look after your emotional well-being.

  I wish you well with your struggles. Be the best person you can be to yourself and your new family-that crazy ass girlfriend of yours who sent that letter (go girl!)

  {not yet...}
• 

  kls

  AWW, Doggie just wanted to say i am sorry. She is missing alot and the only one that is loosing out is her.
• 

  sunshineToo

  Well, doogie, are you DF'd for fornication, murder or anything bad? If you are not, she can't really shun you. According to the WTS's official website, they don't shun the people who "simply left" the organization. Maybe you should point it out to your mom.