by Lady Lee 21 Replies latest jw experiences
(((((((lee))))))))
((((((((((lee)))))))))) I'm so sorry :-(
I can relate a little..when I was 10 or 11 my oldest brother walked out on the JW life and thus our family. I rarely saw or spoke with him for the next 20 years and even though we are both no longer witnesses there is just too much time and distance to salvage any sort of relationship right now. But I too keep hope alive that one day we can sit down and chat at least.
take care,
Hi Lady Lee
I probably wouldn't be able to sleep too well either, Lady Lee.
Yes, indeed it all sounds like heart ache to me.
Some people consider the heart just another muscle. Not me, I truly have experienced a few times in my life that my heart just felt broken and hurt. Actual pain there.
((( Hugs to you ))
Sad, that some kids just don't get a fair shake in life.
Lady Lee- what an awful amount of sadness you've been carrying around with you all these years. You must be a woman of incredible strength, because even with all that, you are always so kind and humane to everyone on this website, and you seem to have the clearest head of all of us here.
I had a messed-up family, too. I've lost track of my brothers, and they of me. It hurts every day, mostly just a dull ache that I can handle, but when something big in my life happens and I'm not even able to pick up the phone and tell them, I'm so wrecked by the loss that I find it hard to act happy on what should be a happy day for me. My advice to anyone in this situation is, do what it takes to at least have contact with family members. It may be expecting too much to think that the relationship will be perfect, like nothing ever happened. But if you can at least talk on the phone every month or so, you'll at least have the chance of re-connecting emotionally with them, in time.
Your brother is lucky to have a sister like you, I think.
Estee Nice to see you. I haven't seen you post for a while.
Robdar At least the hurts aren't there all the time anymore. Just in drips and drops and the occasional stab in the heart
siacn 45 years wow. I hope you find your Larry
flower Your post reminded me that there are many people here who have lost contact with their families because of the JWs. While my situation is just one crazy family many here will feel this kind of loss.
K Thanks. It isn't the shakes we get but rather what we do with what we have gotten
Insomniac
It hurts every day, mostly just a dull ache that I can handle, but when something big in my life happens and I'm not even able to pick up the phone and tell them,yes that was the feeling - so big and "there" Even when I was busy doing other things that ache is always there in the background. But please don't let it rob you of today and whatever joys today may have in store for you. The last thing we need is to become old bitter people
my brother is 18 months younger than me. Our mom was seriouly mentally ill when we were small and had to be in the hospital for a long time(over a year). I have one vivid memory of her lying in bed too depressed to get up and care for me and my bro, and i could not have been even 3. we had no food. I picked him up and put him in a high chair and tried to find food for us. finally i had to go knocking on doors until i found a neighbor who came to our resuce. she took us to her home and fed us. he of course does not remember this.. we are not close, he being a staunch jws who judges others.
so many times this happens to the oldest chld, esp if the child is girl.
hope u and your bro get back together. both u and andi reminded me there are so many of us out there.
Lady Lee, I truly feel your pain by the words you expressed. I think you should write Larry a long letter. Tell him exactly what you told us here. Maybe even send him a copy of your post , and add the personal things you want to say to him also.
I was only three years older than my sister , but I was also her surrogate mother. You know the story of my mom, the prescription drug abuse all those years and all. So ,,,,I was the one to take care of her, to love her, feed her, put her to bed and to comfort her while Mama was in rehab ,, again and again.
Even thou I was so young myself,,,,,,I put those feelings of my own pain when Mama was gone for weeks on end to hospitals, I did what I had to do to make sure that my little sister had at least someone to hold her as she cried, staring at a picture of our Mother.
Alot of people say,,,,well you did just fine, the whole experience made you stronger, you have such a maturnal way about you.
At the age I am now.........I still want my mother, I still cry for her. I am not as recovered as some my think. In my dreams, in my subconscious things are always coming to the foreground , forcing their way to my attention.
Now my sister and I are more like sisters , instead of a mother/daughter relationship, but it is because I had to change it , she would have depended on me as a mother forever, I guess I was as close to one as she ever had. We are pretty close and although busy with our own lives, we talk everyother day usually.
I am sure that Larry has many things he wants to talk about in due time. Maybe there are things that are like missing pieces of a puzzle in his mind. I know how my sister feels about me,,,,,,,( and I her) and it makes her so happy, when I express to her how I still love her as I did back then and recall all of those years ago how we had each other , when there was no one there, but two little girls holding on to each other.
I wish for you LadyLee, an ease in the ache in your heart,,,,,,,,love ya,,,,,,,Dede
It is a little too difficult to type anything in direct response, apart from "thanks for posting that" and I hope you meet up soon,
Sirona
Lee.. i too was touched by your story. please remember that even though your both grown and older that the memories we have as children are the most vivid and stay in our hearts for life. i'm sure theres a part of him that yearns to have you in his life as well , even if he cant verbalize it or make it happen.
(((Lee))) When the opportunity presents itself for yall to meet again.....and it will.....GO for it! You more than deserve some good memories to layer over the bad....
Hugs,
Frannie B
((((Lee))))
I was privileged to meet you last Christmas. I know first hand how kind and loving you are.
From what I have seen, your natural state is loving, caring and nurturing ... You did not just make yourself available for Larry, but also others even from the forum here who are are experiencing heart ache. You are an amazing soul. Your gentle care-giving nature has not gone un-noticed or forgotten by Larry, I feel sure.
Hold in consciousness -- that you and Larry will meet again.(just a little something I learned in my positive-thinking classes)
(((((Hugs)))))
ESTEE
